Why does my ex expect to have so many rights over our daughter when he won't even pay his child support?

Question

My ex wants to see our daughter whenever it is convenient for him but practically refuses to watch her unless it was his idea. He makes it sound like I am completely incoveniencing him if I ask him to watch her for a little while, yet I care for her 24/7 with no help and he doesn't even pay his child support so I really struggle. If he gives me just $20 he expects me to pay him back even if I am very low on money for food and rent for our 3 year old daughter. He is currently fighting the child support payments and so I literally recieve no money. He wants a relationship with our daughter and wants to see her whenever he wants yet he won't even put money toward putting a roof over her head. What is he thinking? Why does he think he's such a great dad?? What kind of Dad isn't even willing to help put food on the table?

To clarify, mom2be is an old screenname. I am not pregnant. I have already done all can do to make sure I recieve the payments etc...the problem is he is fighting it and so I am not recieving the payments at this time. I am wondering if anyone has opinions on what is going through his head on all of this.

I know this is a complicated question with lots of variables to be considered. To clarify again, I do not prevent him from seeing her at all. I encourage it, I just wish he would step up financially, and be willing to help me out when maybe I need a break. but he is not do anyhting that is not convenient for him!!!!

UMMM...not needing to know how to handle it, I have that under control. Again, I am interested in people's opinions on why he thinks this way. No worries about how I have handled the situation. This Questions is about his mind frame. Thankyou.

What are you, a bunch of non english speaking idiots??? Read my details. Enforcement is involved. Relationship is already a priority. This was not a one night stand- but a husband of 5 years. READ MY INFO before you start throwing out insults you jerks. You call me lazy??? I work over 40 hours week and care for my child on my own. This guy you are all trying defend...spends most of his time figuring out how to remain UNemployed. Thanks for calling me lazy. Ever occur to anyone that maybe I really did get scrued over and just wanted some thoughts on why somoene can be so careless. Oh man you are all idiots. I'm so done with this Question.

Answer 1

dont let the ignorant statements from ignorant people get to ya... some of us hear ya, and understand. what a creep, huh? the man we marry is NEVER the man we divorce... and some creeps look for loopholes NOT to pay for their children.

its a disgrace.

first, you need some heat on the case and to pull rank. if your caseworker (or dept) isnt on the ball PULL RANK ON 'EM.

well the honor system doesnt work, thats been proven. its also why the state and federal government passed stronger laws for child support; they are TIRED of people not paying for their children.

the arrears still keep adding up.

1) call your caseworker and ask:
--request an enforcement hearing.
--where you apply for interest on the arrears?
--was the case submitted for tax refund intercept?
--was the arrears reported to the credit reporting agencies yet?
--ask why they have not taken his drivers license away yet?
--ask why they have not put liens on his bank accounts yet?
--ask why there has not been a warrant issued yet?

2) sit down and write a letter. in it, give your contact info, case number, his info, arrears amount, the problem and ask them what they are doing about it.

keep the letter short, its more effective that way.

then take that ONE letter and FAX it to the following:
a) your states Attorney General (link is below)
b) your states Governor (link is below)
c) your states Regional FEDERAL Child Support Office (link is below)

phone calls are useless; they are ignored, denied and forgotten. mail ends up on someones "to do" pile, but FAXES are effective. its proof you sent it and proof they recieved it, therefor, they HAVE to address it. if you cant find a fax number (most are listed online) then just call them and ask for it.

if you hear nothing in a week, fax them again. fax them weekly if need be. its the squeaky wheel that gets the oil, if ya know what i mean. WHO CARES if you miff ‘em off, just keep at them until the problem is addressed.

3) Report his azz to the IRS (in writing), for he’s supporting himself, somehow. Tell them you strongly suspect him working under the table to avoid a child support order.

4) Report his azz to the Social Security Office if he’s been using others SS#.

4) post his DEADBEAT FACE ON A DEADBEAT SITE ONLINE.

some links for you; just click on your state and find the subject you need.

DEADBEATS
http://www.wantedposters.com/deadbeats_usa_a_to_f.htm
http://www.angelfire.com/creep/deadbeatparentssuck/
http://www.deadbeatjustice.com/list.htm
www.goodparentspay.com

INTERSTATE CASES
http://library.findlaw.com/1999/Jan/1/241468.html
http://www.policyalmanac.org/social_welfare/archive/child_support_02.shtml
http://www.law.upenn.edu/bll/ulc/fnact99/1990s/uifsa96.htm
http://www.ericsa.org/
LONG ARM ACT (UIFSA) for INTERSTATE
http://www.ncsea.org/content.asp?contentid=614
http://www.law.upenn.edu/bll/ulc/fnact99/1990s/uifsa96.htm
http://family.findlaw.com/child-support/support-basics/support-glossary.html
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/fct/uifsahb.htm
http://www.ancpr.org/uifsa_definitions_and_provisions.htm

CHILD SUPPORT CALCULATOR
http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/childsupport/

YOUR STATES CS POLICY
http://childsupportcenter.org/stateprofiles.php

ABANDONMENT (NO SHOW PARENTS)
http://www.alllaw.com/articles/family/

NOT ALL PARENTS LOVE THEIR CHILDREN
And "RATIONAL LIES"
http://www.alllaw.com/articles/family/child_custody/article7.asp

FREE LEGAL HELP IN YOUR STATE
(just click on your state to find contact info)
http://www.lawhelp.org/

LAWS and INFO
http://www.delinquentdad.com/csr.htm
http://www.womansdivorce.com/
http://www.divorcehq.com/spprtgroups.html
http://www.divorceinfo.com/statebystate.htm
http://www.divorcenet.com/states
http://www.divorcesource.com/
http://www.divorcesource.com/info/deadbeat/deadbeat.shtml
http://www.divorcecentral.com/
http://family.findlaw.com/
http://law.onecle.com/new-jersey/ (change the state to yours)
http://family.findlaw.com/child-support/unpaid-support/support-orders-enforcement.html
http://www.divorcehq.com/deadbeat.html
http://www.divorceinanutshell.com/
http://www.lawchek.com/Library1/_books/domestic/qanda/childsupp.htm
http://family.findlaw.com/child-support/support-laws/state-child-support-info.html
http://www.supportguidelines.com/resources.html
http://www.supportguidelines.com/links.html
http://www.supportguidelines.com/laypersons.html
http://www.supportguidelines.com/articles/news.html
http://family.findlaw.com/child-support/support-basics/
http://www.spiesonline.net/deadbeat.shtml
http://www.childsupport-aces.org/index2.html

STATS
http://www.childsupport-aces.org/acesstatistics.html

FINDING DEADBEATS
(and background cks to find them)
http://www.usarecordssearch.com/
http://www.zabasearch.com/
http://deadbeatsnitch.com/
http://www.wantedposters.com/skiptrace.htm
http://find.intelius.com/search-name.php?ReportType=1&
http://omnitrace.com/Missing-Persons-Search.html?OVRAW=deadbeat&OVKEY=deadbeat&OVMTC=standard
http://www.discreetdata.com/index.html
http://www.identitycrawler.net/people_search.html
http://www.peoplefinders.com
http://zabasearch.com/
http://www.crimcheck.com/personalreports.htm
http://www.easybackgroundchecks.com/
http://www.abika.com/
http://www.freeprf.com/
http://www.efindoutthetruth.com/
http://www.netsleuth.com/
http://netonlineinvestigators.com/index.asp
http://www.backgroundcheckgateway.com/
http://www.backgroundcheckgateway.com/locate-people.html

FED AGENCIES
http://www.ncsea.org/
http://www.nfja.org/index.shtml
http://www.naag.org/issues/issue-consumer.php

REGIONAL FEDERAL CHILD SUPPORT OFFICES
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/oro/regions/acf_regions.html

FACTS AND REGIONAL FEDERAL CS OFFICE INFO
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/fct/fct4.htm
http://www.divorcesource.com/WI/ARTICLES/beaulier11.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/opa/fact_sheets/cse_factsheet.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/newhire/index.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/faq.html
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/newhire/fop/passport.htm
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/newhire/fop/fop.htm
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/newhire/faq/faq.htm
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/extinf.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/grants/grants_cse.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/index.html
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/region2/index.html
http://www.fms.treas.gov/faq/offsets_childsupport.html
http://www.govbenefits.gov/govbenefits_en.portal
http://www.fedstats.gov/qf/
http://www.fedworld.gov/gov-links.html
http://fatherhood.hhs.gov/pfs92/ch3.htm

SSI AND DISABILITY
FOR CHILD SUPPORT
https://s044a90.ssa.gov/apps6z/ISBA/main.html
http://www.ssa.gov/policy/docs/policybriefs/pb2004-02.html
http://www.ssa.gov/notices/supplemental-security-income/
http://family.findlaw.com/

FIND YOUR REPS
http://www.usa.gov/
http://www.usa.gov/Agencies/State_and_Territories.shtml
http://www.nga.org
http://www.naag.org/attorneys_general.php
http://judiciary.senate.gov/

CHILD SUPPORT LIEN NETWORK
(some states work with them)
http://www.childsupportliens.com/
COLLECTORS
http://www.supportkids.com/
http://www.supportcollectors.com/faq.php
http://www.deadbeatdadfinders.com/
http://www.deadbeatdadfinders.com/links.html
http://www.childsupport-aces.org/index2.html
http://www.divorcesource.com/info/deadbeat/deadbeat.shtml

TAX INFO
http://www.irs.gov/publications/p501/index.html
http://www.irs.gov/publications/p504/ar02.html#d0e563
http://www.taxsites.com/index.htm
http://www.divorceinfo.com/taxes.htm
http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc354.html
http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc422.html
http://www.irs.gov/faqs/faq4-5.html
http://www.irs.gov/localcontacts/index.html
http://www.irs.gov/advocate/index.html
http://www.irs.gov/publications/p525/index.html
http://www.fms.treas.gov/faq/offsets_childsupport.html
http://money.cnn.com/2007/02/14/pf/taxes/do_not_miss_tax_breaks/index.htm?postversion=2007021411

REPORT DEADBEATS (AND EMPLOYERS)
WORKING UNDER THE TABLE
(in writing, to your local and federal IRS offices)
http://www.irs.gov/localcontacts/index.html
http://www.irs.gov/compliance/enforcement/article/0,,id=106778,00.html

REPORT A DEADBEAT USING OTHERS
SS# TO AVOID CHILD SUPPORT or FILING TAXES
WITH OTHERS SS#
http://www.irs.gov/faqs/faq1-13.html
http://www.ssa.gov/oig/public_fraud_reporting/
http://www.ssa.gov/oig/hotline/

SEX OFFENDERS
http://www.mapsexoffenders.com/
http://www.scanusa.com/
http://www.nsopr.gov/
http://www.familywatchdog.us/Default.asp

Answer 2

First thing you need to do is go to court to have the judge tell him that he has to pay child support. Or he will go to jail. When you are there bring up the roof to see if the judge can make him help pay for it. I am not sure he will but you can try.

Next, at NO time BORROW money from him. Even if its 1$. Do not give him any reason to say you are taking his money.

Sadly you also need to know that no matter if he pays child support or not is not a reason for him to see his daughter. I know that is not what you are getting at but some might think it.

Until the court gets involved to say when visitation should be, I would set up a time with him about her and work it around yours and his schedule. If he can not go by this schedule then you have a right to say NO you can not see her or have her over. You have a life also.

Have you tryed to see if you can get assitence with food and lodging payments? Since you are not getting support from him you might until he starts paying get it from the state.

Answer 3

What a sad, awkward situation. Its very sad because you cheated on him with another man for more money and shes the one who gets caught in the middle of this sad situation.You have just stated that he took care of the kids and was an excellent father but now he wants her to pay.? I'm thinking if your my mom then I would have to sue you for placing me in that situation. You are suppose to be the sole provider for your kids since youi took the kids and your new husband has money and she can do that if she wants to. But also consider that she is of legal age, HAS SIGNED A PROMISSORY NOTE, and it would be a loan thats forgiven upon graduation. Hes not giving her money so that she can hang out and take off a semester. Legally if I took time off from college I would have to start paying back student loansto the government, so unless shes enrolled FULL TIME she has to pay it back or you might have to begin paying it back. Wow...what a sad situation. I;m sorry but I have never understood why a husband and wife do not truly value the covenant under God - till death do us part. Marriage is a holy covenant under God. I would suggest she get a part time job and begin saving little by little. This way she can still work, save money and still have time to play.

Answer 4

Before I answer this question, your handle is "Mom2Be." Are you expecting? If you can't put food on the table, why are you bringing another child into the world? If I am wrong about you expecting, as that is a wild assumption anyway, please forgive me and disregard this.

You need to get tough with him without hurting your daughter, which is tough. My step-son's father is the same way. Fortunately, we make enough money to not have to worry about him being 7 months late with child support. That's obviously not the position you're in, so this is going to become a bit more difficult.

Do you have a separation agreement? If not, GET ONE NOW. Since he's paying child support, I'm assuming you have one. My advice is to stick to it like GLUE. Tell him you will be sticking to the agreement and that any deviation from it result in you calling social services. If he's late with money, you call them. If he has her back an hour late from his weekend with her, call them. You're going to have to get tough.

Tell your daughter that although it is hard for her to understand, you're going to need to make sure her father is sticking to his end of the deal here, and that if he doesn't, she needs to understand that is HIS decision and NOT yours.

Answer 5

A relationship with his daughter is not about money - it is about a relationship with his daughter. Granted, he should pay - the important thing is that he has a relationship with her. If you come between his relationship with his daughter, you will one day regret it and she will one day hate you for it. I pay my child support every month, on time, with NO ARREARS, and the mother of my daughter does not even give me so much as a photograph of my daughter. He is lucky to be able to see his daughter, as you are that he wants to be involved. At least he wants to be involved. Would you rather he just walk away completely? As much as you may or may not hate him or despise the fact that he doesn't want to pay child support, it IS best for the daughter to know both parents, even if the money isn't coming in the form of child support. When she is old enough to understand (OLD ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND BEING KEY) then maybe you can let her in on the little secret about him not wanting to financially support his daughter and she can make her own mind up. When is that age? I am not a professional. I suggest you seek professional help for the answer to that question. Whether you agree or not, your daughter is lucky to have a father who WANTS to be involved in her life and HE is lucky to have an X who is willing to let him be involved in her life. Although the money is important in taking care of her, It's not about the money, it's about your daughter.

Although my opinion is probably a bit tainted by my incredibly bitter experience, I believe it is genuine, from my heart and I believe it to be correct.

At any rate, I hope it is helpful.

Tony

Answer 6

I think you should ask this question in "law" instead of etiquette.

Anyway... I would stop asking him for anything. It only gives him ammunition in the child support case... "She doesn't need that much money because she's always asking me to take care of our baby. My babysitting should count off of my child support payments."

If you can go to court and show that you have allowed him his legal visitation rights, and he still hasn't met his legal obligation to pay, then you will come out on top.

Unless you get an idiot judge... there are those out there!

Answer 7

Because you had sex with him and made a daughter. That's what fathers tend to do.
Child support is not payment for visitation. If you're not bright enough to MAKE him pay his child support obligation, that's your fault.
Have you taken him to court? Is there an order in place?
If the answer is no... Then get off your lazy butt and do it.
If the answer is yes... Then get off your lazy butt and get child support enforcement involved.

He thinks he has rights because he DOES. He has every legal right, whether he pays support or not.
Think about that before you spread'em to make a kid with another guy.

**YOU squirt out a kid with a completely useless bum, and you call US idiots???? LOL MY husband is 1. NOT an "ex" and 2. happy to support me and our children. So, if being smart enough to pick a man that I knew wouldn't abandon his kids even if we did separate makes ME an idiot... What are you?

Answer 8

These questions are getting old! All you want to do is use "child support" as a club to beat your ex. Get over it. If you can't get over it, then maybe you should stop spreading your legs.

Answer 9

Just remember... true love doesn't have to be bought, even when it's a father's love.