What can i do about my 2 kids that absolutely do not listen to me?

Question

I have 2 boys aged 3 and 6 and they will not do as they are told. They will keep nagging and going in the fridge, they trash the living room, wont put toys away. Im sick of the sound of my own voice. It doesnt matter if i shout or not they will still not listen to me. Ive tried the usual putting them on the "naughty "step but my youngest just sits and screams. He is contantly nagging and crying all day long and its starting to wear me out. They have days out and are not spoilt but dont go with out.I dont feed them full of junk so where am i going wrong? I try my best for thm but all they do is throw it in my face. My eldest son breaks things he has been picking at the plaster on his bedroom wall so now theres a big hole, he doesnt seem to understand that these things cost money to repair, neither of my kids seem to understand why i get angry with them, they think its normal!! I love my kids to bits but i want them to actually listen to me for once. Help!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

hi.. well I'm no expert but here goes. Your boys are only 3 & 6..so there will be a lot they don't understand and maybe express thier feelings in anger. Apart from that... they need routine and early bed times, if they are tired they can become monsters and unreasonable even for a kid..lol. Don't show them your anger, as they will copy you and feed off it.... they see it winds you up and will do it more.. as hard as it is try keep it hidden from them. Put them on the naughty step for 5 mins(even if they scream), take away their favouraite toy, stop them watching the tv till they can behave, find out what works the best. Explain to them in simple terms if they don't listen then they wont have the things they want. Make sure there in bed early..read them a story and calm them down, keep them off the fizzy pop and see how it goes. I guess you need to be firm and not back down, follow though with punishments and dont argue with them... as there to young to know...and within a week you will see a difference. you could also try a reward system and think of something they would like if they get so many stars...gives them something to aim for and a reason to be good.

Answer 2

Hi there!

I know children can be a very naughty and don`t want to listen all the times.

I do understand it is very painful when they don`t respect you, and it does hurt when you see they don`t really care about what you do for them, but there is a solution to everything.

You have to find the way to communicate with your children, and they will understand you!
They are in age, when they are learning what they can or they can`t...
the smaller is copying the older one and the older one is doing as he is allowed...
so I think, the important thing to you is to find out kind of the home rules which you all accept and behave by them!
You can still love your children and be strict with them!

Explain them you are upset and you would like them to help you to be all happy by doing things together!

It is much easier to "model" your children while they are small, give them the behaviour samples for the future, so when they`ll be grown ups they will know how to live, how communicate with others and how to achieve what they want.
There is a lot of work to do.

Parenting is the hardest job in the world, but the most beautiful one too!

Good look!All the best!

L

P.S. I know your children love you and they will respect you very much for looking after them! They will be nice responsible people when they grow up. Be positive and happy!

Answer 3

Do not send them to their rooms, their is too much to do in there. Make them sit in the bathroom. If they get something out of the fridge after you have told them no, politely take it away from them and put it back. If they want to lay in the floor and scream, IGNORE THEM. If they aren't getting your attention it won't be much fun. If you have to pick up their toys because they aren't minding, Pick them up in a trash bag and lock in your trunk until they mind you.Follow through on what you say, DON'T CONSTANTLY THREATEN. If they are treating you this badly, then face it they are spoiled. BE CALM AND CONSISTENT, My kids would never act the way you are describing. They know that I mean what I say. Good luck to you and god bless.

Answer 4

The way you are explaining the matter i think you are not letting them go out enough they are 3 and six they are stuck in ahouse all the time get some lego or something sit with them and play with them thereby creating a bond and maybe find some kids in the neighbourhood who are about their age so they can interact with them and so their mind will be taking off "thrashing the house".

Answer 5

Hi ,im an ex Notts lad living in Germany.And on the TV here we have a program called The Super Nanny

not sure if there is the same thing on tv in the Uk but this woman does miracles with kids that misbehave

Answer 6

Put them on the 'naughty' step, let them scream. It is going to be hell but just try to ignore them. When they are being badly behaved do not talk to them, just pick them up and put them on the naughty step. Arguing and shouting is just reinforcing their attention seeking behaviour. If they try to destroy their playthings, remove them and tell them you are throwing them out or giving them to a more deserving child and they won't be replaced. DO NOT return or replace them, give them to charity. This is the only way they will learn. I am afraid you have spoilt them because you have not stuck to rigid guidelines. Children need guidelines, they have no respect for you if you give in to their every whim. Shouting is counterproductive. You should be calm at all times, once they realise their bad behaviour is getting no response from you and good behaviour is rewarded they will start to get the message. It may take time and your patience will be tested to the limit!!!!!

Answer 7

Sounds like it's time to set some real solid boundaries with them and if they cry and cry then let them, it's the only way they will learn that mummy means business. I would stop any treats until they improve, Its going to be real hard to turn it around but you can do it. I would also buy a copy of the book Supernanny she has some real good suggestions. x

Answer 8

first off, im glad your kids are ages 3 and 6. this is fixable. alot of times parents spend their energys screaming at their kids...that doesnt really work.
what has more results is remaining calm, lowering yourself to their height so you can look them straight in the eyes, and making eye-contact. tell them to look in your eyes is theyre looking away. this is important because this speaks to them more than words. they can tell that "mommy is serious" by the look in your eyes. and chances are they will want to look away because it will intimidate them, but hold their gaze and talk to them about what they did as if they were mini-adults. explain why they cant do something and make it in a way they understand. the look in your eyes has to be fierce though-i dont know if you can do that, but try! and ask questions that make them reflect on their actions. make things vivid in their mind. and while it may take a few times to correct a certain bad habit they will eventually learn what it is they can and cannot do. sometimes encouraging them to cry more confuses them and makes them not want to cry. and when you actually tell them to misbehave and then you punish them or dicipline them and you keep doing this on purpose, until they dont want to misbehave anymore even if you tell them to, because in their minds they have learned to associate it with disipline. let me know what other problems you might have with them.

Answer 9

House tiny tearaways- Doctor Tanya Byron- she is brilliant- there is a website and she has books on the subject- if you scream and shout then so will they. Calm reason is the anser and letting your yes mean yes and your no mean no- but please see if you can get some professional help or at least read some of Tanya's books and ideas.

Answer 10

You won't see over night results. It will probably get worse before it gets better. They didn't get this way in one night they are not going to change over night. That being said here is my answer:

It sounds to me like you let them walk all over you. You absolutly cannot do this. Yelling never works, especially if they are use to it. Try this:

Get down to their level make them look you in the eye and in a stern but not yelling tone tell them "(child's name) I asked you not tgo do that and you have continued now you will be punished for doing (whatever it is they did)....then very calmly make the child sit in the middle of the living room floor. No tv, no radio, no toys, no brother. If both boys have acted up put them in seperate rooms. Tell them that they can get up and play again after they have sat there QUIETLY for x amount of minutes.Then do something and IGNORE them. For the 3 year old it would be 3 minutes for the 6 year old 6 minutes.

BE CONSISTANT!!!!! The very moment they act out and don't listen act on it. They will soon learn that mom isn't giving us the attention we want by yelling and losing control. And trust me that's what they want. They know that when they act up you loose it and they have the upper hand. It's time you take control back.

If you feel that you are going to loose it (and trust me you will) Put yourself in a mommy time out. You announce to them that you are out of control and that you are going into time out. Then hie yourself to your room shut the door and stay there for 10 minutes or so until you regain control. They will more than likely follow you and they will more than likely beg you to come out. A simple no I'm in time out is all you need to say. If they try to come in tell them you can't have visitors and you can't talk because you are in time out.

This serves two purposes, one it says hey mom follows her OWN rules and 2 it sets an example to how they should act when in a time out.

You will find yourself repeatedly putting them in time outs....they are going to test you to see if you mean business.
STICK WITH IT. If you said ...don't do that...don't let them get away with it one time and then punish them the next. BE CONSISTANT.

You can make up a rule chart for them. Instead of using words, use pictures.

For instance at the top you would draw a circle and a line through it and put =NO next to it. It is simple and easy to understand for both boys.

For example, say you don't want them jumping on the sofa(they shouldn't be allowed to) draw a picture of a sofa and the boys jummping on it and draw the circle with the line through it.

My rule of thumb for rules is: If I went to a friends house and my child acted out there what they do at home would it embarass me, if the answer is yes, then they should not be allowed to do it at home. Like jumping on the sofa and bed, wrestling in the house, screaming in the house, pillow fights,etc.

For the simple reason if they are allowed to do it at home they will then think they can do where ever they go.

This is only the tip of the iceburg but shuold get you started on teaching your kids a better way to behave.

If you need to talk just email me. I know how frustrating it is being a parent. I have a 12 year old daughter and have helped raise 2 nephews and at times I felt like pulling my own hair out!