How can I be honest?

Question

I have two friends who arereally self centred and maybe I wouldn't mind if I hadn't been so depressed this year. Anyway after leaving college I was really depressed and lonely and sad and I texted them and told them this and they dismissed it and went on and on about themseleves. Anyway one of the friends is really good at the guilt trip where I didn't turn my phone on for a few days because I was trying to get back on track and I had to like explain myself. I feel like I'm being manipulated and I don't like it. But I've never been good at expressing myself. Also I just want some space to understand who I am. I feel like I'm babysitting someone else.

So how can I say all this?
The problem is I feel they need me more then I need them, like they need an audience to applaud them and I am that audience. That even if I do need them they won't be there and I have to pick myself up alone anyway so what do I need them for. I'll admit I turned my phone off to ignore them.

Answer 1

they showed their true colors find new friends

Answer 2

Exactly, you asked the question, "what do you need them for?". If you were feeling depressed were they or this situation (in part at least) the cause of this depression? Even if you were depressed, you sound strong, strong enough to live without these two in your life. Are you sure that they are not actually just holding you back?

I think switching your phone off for a couple of days tells you what you really feel - you would rather not have these two in your life. Don't dump them, reset the boundaries in the way that you want; at any point in any friendship you are free to do that. If you want to have an evening/weekend/month on your own to get strong tell them that you will be spending the evening/weekend on your own. If they ask why, tell them the truth - you just need time alone. If they can't accept this you have to ask what kind of friends they are. Once these boundaries are reset, you will either have the two friends that you deserve, who understand and support you or you will be two self-centred narcissists the lighter.

Good luck.

Answer 3

You've just left college, and have world at your feet! Cut these two completely out of your lives. You do not have to explain yourself to these bullies. Believe me, it won't make you any less lonely. Find your job, and work hard, and be nothing but pleasant to everyone. You do need to learn to be assertive, because people will pick up on it and take advantage. Tell yourself every day you are worth better, and once you take the courage to say something, it will give you self-respect, and get easier to do!

Answer 4

Hi..
I don't think there's anyone, who does not need their own space from time to time..We've all been there...
Sometimes we need to vent..But in order to do that..you need a good friend that's willing to listen..not be judgmental..just listen!
Unfortunately, people are so wrapped up in their own lives so much, they haven't anytime to LISTEN to a friend..who needs a friend!
You didn't go anything wrong by turning off your phone..You needed that time to yourself..And you also need to make some new friends..Friends with a positive attitude..You sound like a very intelligent woman..stop worrying about these "so-called" friends..And do what's good for you!
I hope you're feeling better..
Take care of yourself..And have a wonderful life...
I know you will!!

Answer 5

Blow em out life is 2 short 2 worry bout other people that clearly dont really know u properly or they would understand ..... take some time out do new things try a new circle of people with the same interests maybe u need older friends... good luck

Answer 6

It doesn't sound to me like they are friends to be honest. I think what you are doing in trying to get back on track is brilliant. You really don't need to pulled back by them. Just tell them that its about time they grew up and saw the world around them. That if they want to be your friend they should respect your wishes and either give you a bit of time out or start acting like friends by being there for you. good luck

Answer 7

Looks like you are trying to show that you are a caring person too much. It is good that you are trying to "find"yourself on your own terms and not letting any "distractions"take you away from what you want for yourself. You do not control other people's emotions and what they think of you. The people that your friends are , they choose to be that way. You on the other hand, want something better for yourself. Whatever that"happiness"is, go after that and don't worry about what your "friends; do to you. Follow your principles and do the right thing for yourself. They are not the only "friends"that you will ever have. I ahve many friends myself but what they do with their lives and how they go about their lives is their business. I take care of my life the way I want to and how i choose to make my life a little bit better for me. keep doing what keeps you happy and associate with people that make you happy and keep the positive energy going in your life. Surround yourself with positive people and you will have positive results for your social life. God Bless and maintain the happiness that you desire!!!!

Answer 8

Well 1st it seems like your not there friend, your there audience. They want you there for them...listin to them, call you when they want exc.....2nd there not your friend if you can't go and talk to them. If they blow off what your saying, and ignore it then they don't care....friends care. That was your best bet to turn off your phone, because your basically doin to them what they've done to you when you try to talk to them and they shut you out. Just distance yourself because it seems like your life style and there life style aren't going in the same direction. You already said you don't need them so what is it that your worried about? It's not like your going to miss out on something is it?!?!?!?

Answer 9

if you have a hard time being up front with them, try and email them with the problem or write them a letter. ignoring the issue is not going to make it go away. the only way to solve it or make it change is to tell them. sorry but there's no easy way out. i've been there girl. good luck.

Answer 10

friends are abt respect and tolerate each other.
if you are the one who kept giving in and nothing went back to you,i think its realy not a very great ideas to be with friends with them.as a friends,you should tolerant each other and accpet each other's character and not all abt yourself.if that is,i don't think they are your true friends.finding a friend is very easy.but having a real nice bestie whr you can always dig out your heart and pour all your unhappiness to them,thats then called real friends eh?

good luck yea friend.

Answer 11

pardon my french but what self centred ignorant tossers! what sort of friends are these? they sound like stuck up 'look at me' people, forget them they dont seem like they care about you and you dont need that ****. if you need someone to talk to you can talk to me, god if i knew who they were id give them a piece of my mind (and fist) noone deserves to be treated like that! im on msn [e-mail]