My husband is from the philippines. Before he came to hawaii, i was going out with some else. I was not going to tell him about it but a family member of mine told him. So i told him everything. so i tole him if you don't want to marry me anymore just let me know. then he said that he loves me and that we can make it work. but till this very day he treat me like ****. I really love him and that I'll do anything to make this marriage work. to me he don 't love me anymore.
2007-07-14 19:53:00 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Was he nice to you before he found out about the other person?
Are you married yet?
Honey, if he's treating you bad over something that happened BEFORE the two of you got together, he's not being fair. And it's also none of his damned business. If you want to turn this around you need him to start respecting you and that means you tell him straight to stop behaving like an ***. If he wants you and if he wants you to love him, then he stops behaving like this now, because the more you let him treat you like this, the worse it's going to get. You do realise that you're being punished for something you didn't do wrong, don't you?
So you tell him that what you did before he was in your life is none of his business and that he should grow up and treat you right. And make it absolutely clear that if he continues like this, you will walk. You might be in love with him, but if he's going to make your life miserable, he doesn't deserve to have you and you most certainly deserve better. When he sees that you're determined on this, you might be surprised how quickly he changes his behaviour. And watch out for him slipping back into his old abusive ways. You may have to crack the whip a few times, but you MUST NOT allow yourself to be trodden on, because it will become a habit with him.
And if he doesn't change, then stick to your guns and walk out. It's best to get this sorted before there are children involved too. Once there are kids you will never be truly free of him if he's going to be an habitual abuser. It's better to be on your own than to suffer abuse. But you WILL meet someone who treats you with respect - even if it takes a few years.
Do not settle for second or third best and please - do not let him carry on doing this to you.
2007-07-14 20:11:04 · answer #1 · answered by River J 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change = yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. They don't respect women or children. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
2007-07-14 21:17:02 · answer #2 · answered by Photographer 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he needs time to forgive you from his heart, not just his mind. Its difficult to mend a relationship that has gone through this. If he says he loves you and is still with you, then he needs time. He'll come around because over time, the hurt gets less and less and it eventually becomes like a bad dream or a story someone told you about someone else. The thing is, he shouldnt treat you bad, but sometimes, the resentment is overwhelming. You love the person, but it just hurts too much.
BTW.... did you even know your husband whhen you dated this other person? If not, then your husband has real problems. If you had an agreement or he was under the impression that you two were not seeing other people, then the above applies.
2007-07-14 20:07:16 · answer #3 · answered by ejc_360 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if before marrage it was nothing to him. but if this happened after your marrage he wont forget about what has happened belive me on this one all men think alike on this matter. my opion?
2007-07-14 20:17:43 · answer #4 · answered by the_silverfoxx 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋