How do I make my husband understand how I am hurt by him looking at pornography?

Question

No matter how many ways I spell it, cry, try to explain to him-- he doesn't think I should have any reasons to be upset and hurt by him looking at porn on the internet. He does not see why I care, or why him looking at other women hurt me. How do you make men understand how degrading it feels to have your husband look at other women like this? I know men and women are different, but he tells me that because of these differences I will never understand. Am I alone in this feeling? And how do I make him understand? I have told him numerous times how hurt it makes me feel. ....and nothing? He is a wonderful, caring guy, but in this area for whatever reason I can't get through to him.

Answer 1

If he is truly caring, he wouldn't be doing this. You cannot tell an alcoholic that he needs to quit because he is hurting someone else. You have to get him to believe he is hurting himself as well as hurting. Your husband is addicted to porn. He doesn't see that there is a problem, and he needs some serious help emotionally and spiritually. Some people believe that there is no problem with porn; however, let me show you a few things.

Porn gives the wrong expectations about sex. Porn is not real sex. Porn has only one purpose, to make money for those who produce it. For this reason the pornographers produce something that has only the most visually powerful aspects of sexuality - the faster and stronger the turn on, the more likely a man will come back and pay for more. It creates a habit and an addiction. He is aroused by it and that gives him some type of reward, so he comes back for more. It is a problem that destroys marriages and families. He has an addiction. You need to sit down with yourself and figure out what YOU need to do in your own life. A caring man wouldn't choose an addiction over his wife. That is the truth. I think you have some serious things to think about -- about your own life and your marriage.

Talk to him again and see if he is willing to get some help. See if you can both go to a counselor to talk to another person that possibly will get him to see how YOU feel. It would help if the couselor is a man so that he won't have the argument that men and women are different and you don't get it. If he does choose the porn over you, then you've got a really rough road ahead of you and you need to make the choice that will make YOU happy.

Answer 2

wow!! there is really no good answer for this one.... everyone has a thumbs down!! lmao! ok sweetie, men are visual where we are emotional..SO, they don't have feelings for these skinny hoes... they just like looking at boobs and stuff... I know!! TRUST ME!!!! I KNOW! how the porn makes you feel... for my husband it is something that he did before I came along and if I left him over that, it is something that he will do even after I am gone. I know this may sound like giving in but try "out of sight out of mind".. If you do not see it or do not see him looking at it maybe it will not bother you as much. Have him save his naughty pics to a disc and not on your computer... locking up all mags and DVDs where they are out of your view (and children's view -if applicable - don't get me started on children accidentally running into porn) but really, he is going to do it either behind your back - to keep you from being bothered, or in front of you -to spite you. So you choose. Think about all the things you guys have and the wonderful and caring part about him.... vs his wanting to see naked chicks on the internet at least he is not sticking dollar bills in some sweaty divas g-string!!!!!. maybe you can try getting a mild DVD and watching it TOGETHER.... that may open a few new doors for you both... but if that is really not you, then just try to get him to compromise with you, because he is NOT GOING TO STOP.. I'm sorry but that is the truth... I hope you guys can work through this. Good luck!

Answer 3

Men are so freaking stupid! It is not your fault your husband looks at porn. He has probably been doing it since before you got together. Spell it out for him this way: either you stop with the porn and go to counseling or I'm gone. Obviously he is not caring or he wouldn't keep doing this to hurt you so much. He's selfish. I dated a guy long distance. I came to visit him and used his computer and found a ton of porn. I told him it upset me and he said he would quit but the next time all he did was delete the history before I got there...i'm not stupid I know how to look at cookies..anyways, we broke up. Porn is an addiction just like drugs or alcohol. Would you be married to a crack addict or alcoholic? What if your children use the computer and see that garbage? You deserve someone who is going to respect your feelings...all of them. Good Luck.

Answer 4

I am having the same issue. My problem with it is that I can tell a difference when we are having sex. If he has had alone time with his computer his behavior is different. If he doesn t look up porn he usually doesn t try to have sex as often. He says its not an issue and that he thinks I m perfect. But why look up porn before having sex with me? I know all men look it up at some point and some will never stop looking it up. It is how society made them. There is an expectation for them to look it up. If they don t their friends actually think they are strange. It s something that will never change and something you will either get use to or you ll always be upset.

Answer 5

If you have gone as far as crying and he has not stopped, then he is probably not going to stop no matter what. He obviously does not see what the big deal is. But in my opinion, if it really hurts you that much, he should at least consider your feelings and not do it.

But, why does it hurt you so badly? He is going to look at other woman regardless. Whether its porn, or on the street, in the store... etc. Don't you ever look at other men? Its completely natural. It does not mean he loves you any less.

I think him looking may be making you feel insecure, but don't let it! I wouldn't even worry about it so much. He is a man...what can ya do?

Answer 6

Do you hear yourself when you say he is a wonderful caring guy.Tell me how can he be so wonderful and caring then turn around and do something that gets you so up set does that sound like a caring guy because it doesn't to me. The only way you can get through to him is to put the shoe on the other foot. Give him a taste of his own medicine by going to him and say now you understand why he does it because you yourself started looking at porn. Tell him you like looking at the men not the men and women together but just the men that masturbate.That right there will get to him he will be wondering why you need to look at other men when you have him, tell him you just enjoy looking at other men it has nothing to do with us or our marriage. See how he likes it, one thing you need to do is to find a site so your husband doesn't think you are lying to him . Follow through with this and i think that will do the trick.

Answer 7

Its an age ancient concern simply now rather of porn mags hidden underneath the mattress its porn movies on the web. Try to not get disappointed, you sound rather uptight. Why do not you have got intercourse very regularly? Maybe he's looking porn due to the fact you're now not having intercourse very regularly, who has determined to not have intercourse, you or him? Do you fear he compares you to those ladies? Its you he lives with now not them, attempt to be given that he is not evaluating you to them. Lots of guys fantasise approximately ladies in one of a kind pornographic circumstances, its simply that, fable. It makes the sector move circular. For what its valued at I watch plenty of on-line porn and I in no way examine the guys within the movies to my b/f, I could not let you know what they gave the look of five mins after I log out to be sincere. Its only a rapid sexual liberate not anything greater than that. Nothing to do with love or companionship. Edit : If he says he is worn out and many others spend money on a vibrator and simply say " OK honey I'll play with myself later if you're worn out" and go away him be. He'll most likely discover that a truly activate. You men ought to speak extra, you would be depressed, see your GP probably? and he demands to aid make you think horny.

Answer 8

I'm the *same* exact way. I just asked this question a few days ago. I've talked to my boyfriend about it, and my guy friends about it, and they all pretty much tell me that it's something that guys do, and that I shouldn't take it personally. And It used to really bother me a whole lot that he looked at it, but then you kind-of have to realize that it's not that big of a deal. It might make you upset, but in all reality, it shouldn't. Is he looking at porn instead of being interested in having sex with you? that's when i'd be worried.

With me, my boyfriend just looks at it when i'm at work, and he can't have me. Men are very visual and he uses that to get off... Do you look at porn at all? If you do, you two should try to watch it together.

If you try to get over this feeling and it still really bothers you, and he's not willing to change it... something's wrong with him. But i really suggest looking at the big picture and asking yourself, is it really that big of a deal? Is it worth the fighting over it? Because for me, it wasn't.

If your husband didn't want to be with you, he wouldn't be. He'd be with someone who liked watching porn, possibly watching it with him. You shouldn't let your self consciousness make this such a big deal, because it really isn't.

Don't be jealous and self conscious, spice things up by taking some sexy pictures for him!

Answer 9

We all have our weaknesses, and this seems to be his. I don't think he's doing it to hurt you on purpose. Is there any type of pornography that you do enjoy? If he were to look at couples having sex online, would that make a difference because there would be a guy in the picture?

I don't have any problem with porn at all! But I would have a problem if my husband hid it from me. When you tell him that you don't like it, you're just giving him more reason to hide it from you. That could lead to worse things, so I would just try to resolve it as best as you can rather than demand that he give it up.

Answer 10

Why don't you just get over yourself? Men are visual creatures and internet porn is just visual. He is not making any comparison between you and the girls on the screen and any way who does he go to bed with you or his computer?. Give him a break and appreciate all the wonderful (your words) things he is and does.