What is so wrong with cheating,when you don't talk,have sex,have fun,go out,don't enjoy each other any more?

Question

Don't tell me to get divorce,I can't for my kid.We ahve nothing to talk about and don't even sleep in the same bed. Just like roomate. I am young and need love.He works all the time.He can't even have sex.

Answer 1

Whoa.... let's slow down here and take this one piece at a time.

You CAN get a divorce, you choose not to. If you are that miserable, I'm sure your husband is as well. You two are making your child miserable by living a lie. It doesn't matter how old he/she is, trust me, they pick up on the tension. They know.

So....you have nothing to talk about, you don't sleep in the same bed and are like roommates? Has it always been like that, even before your marriage? Has your marriage ever been "good" enough for you? If it was always like this, you know what you were getting yourself into and you either put up or shut up. If things have changed...ask yourself why. You may think there isn't an answer, but there always is. Usually it's just not one you want to hear or admit to.

He can't have sex? Does he have a physical problem that could be taken care of? Has he never been able to "perform"? Once again, see my above statement. If you knew that before the marriage, you either put up or shut up. If this is a recent problem, have him see a doctor to get help. If he's working all the time, that could also be a HUGE problem for his lack of intimacy.

All in all...it is NEVER OK to cheat. NEVER. I don't care if you're young and need love. Your child loves you, the only thing you're lacking is SEX. You aren't lacking love; you don't need to go get that outside your marriage. If you want to explore the other fish in the sea and find the "man of your dreams" since you say your husband is no longer that man, be an honest woman and get a divorce. Marriage isn't a game you can break the rules to for awhile and come back and play when it's convenient for you.

Your marriage probably could be fixed. Many marriages go through the same difficulties you are speaking of. I honestly think you don't WANT to fix it and you just want us to justify your wanting to cheat on your husband. Sorry, I won't do that and I pity anyone who would try to. There is no justification. Either crap or get off the pot.

Answer 2

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change = yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. They don't respect women or children. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.

Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Answer 3

hi lisa there are a lot of people with very strong opinions answering your question, however im not gonna be like that.
cos i know that these situations can be far more complicated than it seems, it is easy for everyone to look at the situation and say this is right and this is wrong, unfortunately life is not that simple and there are a lot of subjects in the grey area. What i will say is if you want to cheat, if you really do then you will do it, nothing will stop you, i know that, so do it and i hope you really enjoy it and is worth it cos dont for one second think that you will feel the same as you do now maybe 6 months or 2 years down the line or whatever cos the guilt* will catch up with you for sure and it is a sickening feeling. But you will do it, i know that cos you asked this question in the hopes that someone will approve it so you feel better. Im not going to, its never the right thing to do, but sometimes it is what we do, and its ok, cos we are all human we make mistakes and life goes on, in the grand scheme of things does it really matter. do whatever you want to do life is too short.

*guilt- sometimes i reckon there is no such thing, its just the fear of getting caught

i am not judging you i really empathise with you, you are not a bad person because of this just got yourself in a bad situation, dont mind any of these people answering narrowmindely you have all the information, you have the child, you will make the best decision

Answer 4

Aside from the vows that you made to each other, which others have already mentioned, the biggest reason not to cheat is for your child. If you think they won't figure it out, then, that's probably wrong. Your child already sees the relationship you have with your husband on a daily basis.

The bottom line is - the relationship you are having with your husband is the type of relationship that you are teaching your child to have, by example. That's the strongest type of teaching you can give too. If you cheat, then, that will become part of his or her programming as well.

The reality is - that if your marriage is this bad, then you shouldn't stay together for the sake of your child, you should get divorced for the sake of your child. The home life your child is going through is most of his world.

Before throwing the baby out with the bathwater - have you looked at a third option besides cheating or divorcing? Couples counseling and viagra could go a long ways towards solving some of the problems you mention.

- Kevin

Answer 5

Staying for the child is an awful excuse. It only hurts the child in the long run. If you love your child than set a good example now. Leave as friends. The best you can any way. Cheating is never right. Regardless of the condition of the relationship. No one ever said that being a grown up was easy. Any way it is no longer about you, it is about the child and what is right for him/her. How you behave will affect him/her. If you really feel like it's over than move on. Quit making excuses for why it is ok to cheat. It will only boil down to YOU!!! even if you had " a good reason for doing it" Be an adult and move on first.

Answer 6

To me saying you can't divorce because of a child is a cop out. What is your child getting from parents that don't talk, show affection, sleep in the same room, etc? Kids are far from stupid and know what's going on, even young children can sense tension, etc......unless, it's economic and that's why you're staying; but, using the kid as an excuse...either way, not healthy for anyone...move on.....

Answer 7

There will come a time later on when you look back at what you have done, and be thankful that you did not have an affair. You're married to a man that you promised to stand with through good times and bad. In richness and in poverty. In sickness and in health, forsaking all others til death do you part. If you look back and see the affair that hurt this man, then you will find no peace for that which can not be undone.

Answer 8

What's wrong with cheating in a marriage, with a child.
Everything. Your example for your child would be corrupt, and cheating goes against the marriage contract. It is not good at all. It only leads to destruction for you and your family no matter which way you look at it. It's also a very selfish thing to do, not to mention that you're not able to communicate maturely what the problem is. Your child will loose, you will temporarily FEEL good, and your spouse will be hurt and that still does not fix the problem. Everything is wrong with cheating!

Answer 9

Please stop fooling yourself. You people trip me out with that "for the kids". All you're doing is bringing more drama into the relationship. And word to the wise hon, kids know when things aren't right between their parents, they're not stupid. And if your kid is too young to know right now, he/she will know when they get older. So what do you want? For your kid to grow up in a house void of love where you gotta play pretend all the time and be unhappy yourself, or in 2 households where possibly both parents can find love and happiness without each other?

My friend right now is 27 and her parents finally divorced because they felt that they couldn't "pretend" any longer. You know that her and her sister are more hurt and distraught now than anyone else I know who parents separated (including mine) at a very young age.

Think about that before you give yourself an excuse to break your vows.

Answer 10

I hate when people stay together for the kids. Your child will soon realize that something is wrong and you may harm them more by staying with your husband. Children are not stupid. Your child will feel tension and know mom and dad do not like eachother then you will have tons of hard questions to answer. It is wrong to cheat when you have a ring on your finger no matter what. You said those vows so stick to it, if not you need to get out. Don't stay because of your child...do the best for both of you. Explain you grew apart. Your child can still have a relationship with both of you.