My husband and I have been together for 12 years. We have been through a lot too. I used to live in a neighborhood in a house I loved. We moved from there about 4 years ago. My husband recieved a call this afternoon and I just happened to be near him. I heard someone screaming on the other end. I became very suspicious when I didnt feel secure with his answer. I checked his phone records on the computer about 15 minutes later. I also intercepted a voice message from her- cursing about him not bringing money for his daughters 5th birthday. I called the and asked who she was- I found out she was my ex-neighbor- she was very apologetic- but I didn't believe her. I checked the phone records and for the last month or two- they have been talking to each other sporadically. My question is: WHAT DO I DO NOW? I still love him though- but I'm totally hurt! He didn't give me a good answer when asked about Her! Was I totally wrong for checking behind him? What would you do?
2007-07-14 17:48:52 · 7 answers · asked by paulalinettegarrison 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to get off the computer and talk to your husband as calmly and rationally as you can. Find out what happened and how he thought he would hide this indefinitely.
If you are still unsatisfied, confront the old neighbor. Be careful not to be harsh in front of the child- none of this is her fault.
Then kick his lily livered ***! He cheated on you and hid it, made a child with another woman and left her to basically deal with it on her own, and has a daughter he is not acknowledging. Doesn't sound like too great a guy to me.
2007-07-14 18:23:37 · answer #1 · answered by dizzkat 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well, you don't know if this is a "love" child or a "I had sex with the neighbor, I was a drunk idiot and I wasn't thinking straight" child. Unfortunately, the child is the innocent one in this situation.
You need to get to the bottom of this. What's in your favor is that she's screaming at him. So, just making a wild guess here, there's no love (probably never was) but probably issues of child support, etc. Why don't you talk with your husband about this? This is a pretty big thing and he doesn't know that you know. Take the first step. See what he has to say. It kind of looks like he feels that he made a mistake. I'm not saying that you should just forgive and forget. But have a conversation with him. If you take the initiative, then you will have more control. If you just hang around until he brings it up, then you're playing the victim. Take control. Also, ask him if he had a paternity test done.
Good luck!
2007-07-14 18:01:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-21 08:19:40 · answer #3 · answered by mytych 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first drop that dead beat dad because if he could keep an affair and a 5 year old child as a secret. just imagine all the things that his never said or u've never found. his a liar and a cheat and u should not have to deal with that. u may have gone through a lot of stuff with this man but ur heart and feelings shouldn't come last, as his wife they should be first.
2007-07-14 18:08:07 · answer #4 · answered by cheerbear2500 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Now, you and him need to sit down and have a SERIOUS talk. Explain to him that you are his wife and deserve the whole truth. At that point, its completely up to you!
Infidelity is extremely hard to work through in a marriage!!! Both people have to be willing to be completely honest and upfront w/ their feelings! He has to allow you to question him and he has to be willing to answer your questions w/ out getting impatient or frustrated! Most likely he will not want to talk about it and will constantly tell you to just drop it or get over it. He probably already feels guilty and does not want to feel that guilt over and over again by you confronting him. In this case, you guys may want to try therapy.
If you know yourself and know that you probably will never get over this, then I would go ahead w/ the divorce. If you know you cannot forgive and move on, its much healthier to be separated because the future is going to be miserable for you both!
2007-07-14 18:10:52 · answer #5 · answered by hereigoagain 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
oh my gosh that must be a huggggeeee shock. you are not wrong for checking. he is your husband you have a definate right to know. he should have told you about this at the moment it happened. i would definately confront him about it, he needs to understand that he lost your trust and he needs to gain it back. only accept the full answer and make him tell you exactly what happened. good luck!
2007-07-14 17:53:19 · answer #6 · answered by Hannah B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like you are wrong.......it sounds like he is the one that is wrong in all respects.
He needs to come clean. Then it's up to you what you want to do.
2007-07-14 17:55:48 · answer #7 · answered by missmuffin 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋