divorced moms please help this divorced dad?

Question

been divorced for 6 yrs with joint custody of 2 small children.My exwife did not take the divorce well and our children are "her life"now.The problem is i just got remarried(which she did not take well) and don't want any "problems" for my children.What i mean is my ex is very possessive and i don't know how she will react to anouther women with our children.So my question to all you moms is how should my new wife behave with my children?should we raise them together when we have them or should i raise them with my exwife and my new wife just take a backseat?What would piss you off as an exwife?

Answer 1

You are a GOOD manipulator.

Answer 2

Your exwife obviously still has feelings for you... she feels emotionally tied to you through those children. Why dont your new wife just take a backseat for a few minutes... like you pick up the kids on your own and by yourself... otherwise prancing your new wife around with the kids will only tick her off more. Have your exwife "be still" just for a little while... (really) until your ex figures out that the new wife is not going anywhere. Ask the new wife to be patient, and as kind as possible that way the ex can relax and know that your children are in good hands.

Answer 3

The only thing that p*sses me off about my ex-husband's live in girlfriend is how she treats my kids. She actually slammed the door in their face one day when his mother brought them over for a visit( I am not allowed at "HER" house, so his mother picks them up for visits with him)!!! She would not let them in the house for some reason, that I still have not gotten a straight answer from anyone about.
Now that they have a child together it has gotten even worse. My kids have seen their father and their new sister maybe twice in the last year, because "they don't have time"(acording to her when I call anyway) for them to come and visit.
If she would actually except that he had a life before her and that my kids were a part of that life we would all get along a lot better. My ex seems to have no problem with the fact that our children are very close with their step father and even call him "Dad" too.
As long as your wife is treating your kids with respect and love then your ex should be thankful that there is one more person in this world that is watching out for your kids' well being and who loves them.
I would definately include your wife in raising your kids. That is what a family does.

Answer 4

I am the new wife and I agree that my husband and his ex should be the ones to raise their kids. I love them and treat them with the same respect I treat my kids with. We have all agreed that all our kids (7 all together) have the same boundries. When there is a problem with his kids, I offer surport the best way I can and be there for my husband. As an ex wife, I haven't had to deal with a new wife because he choose a long time ago that he didn;t want to be a part of his kids life now going on 15yrs. Blended families work as long as everyone envolved is mature enough to sit down and talk. I do not try and be my hubands kids mom. They have one!! I do expect to be treated with the respect that I give them.

Answer 5

Okay I was a divorced single Mom for a long time. Your ex wife is the Mother of your children. Parent them together. You new wife, needs to be, well not in the back seat, but next to you. Decision making though is yours and your ex wife. Your new wife can help you to parent, but decisions should be with you and the ex. Your new wife is your life partner and your children are more than likely your life, so parent them together as one, but don't give her the reigns......Hope it helps.

Answer 6

I would want the new wife to feel involved with the kids in positive ways, slowly in the beginning, then building up as all of us adjusted to the new person. I would definitely be Pi&&ed if the new wife was involved with disciplining the kids or having important "life talks" with them like the sex talk or something.. that I think is between the father and mother of the child... but if she wants to help with homework, hang out, etc.. that would be ok. I would also hope that the parenting time you have with the kids is spent with you (mostly).. they aren't really there to visit the new wife... I mean, over time they'll develop a relationship with her, but in the beginning. .take it slow... give everyone time to adjust.

Answer 7

I dont think you should be focusing on what your ex-wife will think. I think your focus should be on what is best for your children and their situation. That being said, the children are not your current wifes. You should enjoy all family things with your current wife and your children (vacations, picnics, school plays), but, your children have to understand that they are of you and your ex's. Meaning, you and your new wife can't change the way that things are done with the children. The children should probably address her by her first name, and, she should be celebrated on Mother's day, but, you need to be helping your children by a more personal gift for thier mom. I am sure she feels threatened by another woman. It is your job to make sure that she knows that she is not being replaced, and, to make sure that your kids know they have only one mother. That doesnt mean they can't love a great step-mom!

Answer 8

Obviously your kids are younger than 6--your new wife will be their mom when they are with you--you need to create a family unit when you have them. She needs to have fun with them and show her love--not discipline. Your ex-wife's reaction should not interfere when you have them--she will be pissed but if the kids are okay they prob wont tell her anyways. You for a few years need to be the disciplinarian--then once you are established your new wife should be able to be a 2nd mom--the kids will get it.

My girl is 18 and her dad got married when she was 7 but was in my daughters life since she was 2--she called her mom for awhile--7-12-now Jeni. Explain to your ex that she is always their mom--but you have moved on and will consult her on decisions--but also your new wife will not take over but will care for them when with you.

Answer 9

You are an enlightened man for asking this question!

My ex has a live-in girlfriend that he is planning on marrying eventually. She has no children and wants none. She tolerates my kids (as has been repeated by their neighbors) and I think truly does the best she can in caring for them without a single maternal feeling in her body.

I want to know that if my kids cry in the night, someone will check and see what is wrong.
I want to know that if they say they got hurt that you will check the supposed wound before you tell them to suck it up and stop crying.
I want to know that no adult will be intoxicated beyond control in their presence while they are with you.
I want to know that discipline will be fair and any heavy duty problems will be handled by dad.
I want to know that if you will not be present, who is taking care of them.

And raising them is up to you and your ex-wife. Your new wife can be an amazing supporting cast if she is willing! Kids cannot be loved too much!

Answer 10

I would be very pissed off if another woman tried to raise my children. It would be very very difficult. Maybe if your ex liked your new wife if there was some kind of dialog between the two of them. It might make it a little easier

Answer 11

I went through having to adjust to my husband's girlfriend as soon as he left us. It was extremely hard to know she was going to be with my boys. My boys were small and it confused them because she came into their lives so soon, and she was always there - they had no time with only their dad. I would encourage you to have balance with that. Spend time as a family, and also make time to spend time with them and only you. Don't leave them with her all the time either; it's suppose to be time your children spend with you, not your wife. The mother of your children will be involved in raising them, and your wife should have input with only you. How did you do it before you were married?