other since March. Right before we started dating way back in 1988 he had a serious spinal cord injury, since then he's lost his leg. We have been sharing memories and funny stories and just chatting here and there; some of our memories are personal and stirs up some mixed emotions. I will always have a special place for him and have thought about him off and on over the last 15 years........I also feel as though we left each other hanging and I have some unanswered questions and what if's. Should we continue talking or are we heading for a disaster? I live several states away from him, so there is no way we would see each other. My husband knows we email each other, his wife does not. Please any advice......I am really enjoying our chats and plus going down memory lane is great, now my husband and I have been talking about how we met and started dating!!!! Help me, can you really ever just be friends with your first love??????
2007-07-14 16:43:17 · 13 answers · asked by CHRISTINE K 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You've told your husband and thats good. You will always have a special place for him but it doesnt mean your heading for disaster. If you need to pick up the phone and talk to him about some unanswered things then do that also and try to resolve what you can. It may make you both feel better. Yes I honestly believe that you can stay friends especially since you are both married and live states away. Best of luck to you!
2007-07-14 16:55:19 · answer #1 · answered by Caligirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change = yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. They don't respect women or children. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
2007-07-14 21:49:34 · answer #2 · answered by Photographer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm very proud of you that your husband knows. And I am very proud of him for not turning into the green monster. However, you are a married woman and need to keep the conversation such that you would not mind your husband reading the emails. He could, you know. You don't want disaster, so avoid it at all costs. Tell your ex you don't want to go there with him because you are happily married and don't want to hurt your husband or disrespect him, which you would be doing. Don't be an attention seeker. Don't make him feel for you. Some things are better left in the past. Now move on with your husband. And remember, YOU ARE MARRIED!!
2007-07-14 16:51:04 · answer #3 · answered by gma 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you're playing with fire. You should not be doing what you are doing out of respect for your husband and his wife. The fact that his wife does not know is a red flag. He has enough problems without you adding more. Leave the past in the past and put the time you are spending chatting with him doing something special for your husband. What ifs is a bunch of bull . It does not matter. He did not marry you. You do not even have the right to be thinking about him . A special
place in your heart? That belongs to your husband. What you are doing is emotional adultery. Did you not mean your wedding vows?
2007-07-14 16:54:53 · answer #4 · answered by Morningstar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you are married to someone else you can just be friends! You have no choice! Its normal for the mixed emotions, but deep down you know its not worth losing your husband over. As far as his wife not knowing... I think HE is headed for disaster!!!! Secrets don't usually go over well in marriages... You may want to tell your friend that he should be honest w/ his wife or discontinue the friendship.
2007-07-14 16:48:00 · answer #5 · answered by hereigoagain 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is ok with this? Wow. If this is nothing but a friendship than your friend should have no problem with telling his wife about it. If he cant share this with his wife than maybe he is not trying to be just a friend. If he wants more than a friendship than maybe you need to back away from him, to prevent any future confusion. Whatever you do, please respect your husband he seems like a really good guy to know about this and not be upset.
2007-07-14 16:58:34 · answer #6 · answered by dreamgurl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look i had the same problem, and yes you can its really hard at the beginning but is more about you than anybody else. it all depends on what kind of relationship you are having with your husband, if you love him and think that he is the one then stay together. if not then don't waste time, go somewhere else.
Time has pass and wont bring anything but memories. good or bad but just that. anything else that is in front of you...
"you will have to live it again" . think about it...
2007-07-14 17:00:00 · answer #7 · answered by k10008 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's married, and supposedly satisfied. choose for it. you will desire to comprehend which you run the prospect of dropping her as a chum. in case you're no longer so close anymore although, i'd say it incredibly is properly worth it. in case you and this guy have thoughts for the different that have lasted this long, there's a superb opportunity that it incredibly is genuine. do no longer miss out in basic terms because of the fact your (very married) chum is being jealous over a guy she dated almost a decade in the past. in case you do no longer actually believe that a relationship between the two certainly one of you will final, do no longer danger it. in the tip, you will desire to save on with your heart. it's going to lead you in the the terrific option course.
2016-10-21 08:12:02 · answer #8 · answered by duffina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be focusing and concentrating on your marriage and keep your past and everybody else out of it. Don't you ever watch Dr. Phil?
You are giving him, and all other irrelevant things, way too much attention at the expense of your husband and your family. It's simply not good for you and for your family. A big no-no.
2007-07-14 16:49:43 · answer #9 · answered by OC 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes you can be friend just remember that you guy your hubby and there shouldn't be a problem with the conversation your having now just recently i contacted an old friend of mine who i found on myspace accidently and started talking to her about the past and she might best bud, but when i saw my wife i just appreciated her a little bit more because i realized what i have now.....
2007-07-14 16:48:40 · answer #10 · answered by thesource2007<<<my psn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋