Our son will be 4 in December, and cannot get him potty trained. Help!?

Question

My son is 3 1/2 yrs old and is terrified of both a potty chair and a toilet. When I try to put him on either one, he screams and cries, and even gets so upset that he shakes and has even vomited. He has never had a bad experience with the potty that I know of. He says that he's scared of it, but will not tell me why. My husband and I work opposite shifts, so we are the only ones training him (no daycare). We tried making him wear big boy underwear, and he just poops and pees in them and doesn't care. He wakes up dry in the mornings, and he comes and tells me when he has peed or pooped in his diaper, but doesn't seem to care if I change him or not. Help!! We are at a loss for what to do. We have two other children (both girls) and have not had this problem before. My son seems very intelligent, but is strong-willed. He does not have any physical or mental barriers to being potty trained. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

take him to a child psychologist. this is not at all normal, and he needs help

Answer 2

boys are harder to potty train, I don't know why. Is he scared of the toilet flushing? Or of falling in? You need to find the cause of the fear before you go any further. Go back to diapers for now, he is not the only 3 1/2 yr old in them blieve me. Give it a few months and try again, let him go to the store and pick out the potty he wants to use, and set up a reward system ie: put a marble in a jar for each potty success and when he's at 10 he can get a toy.

Nothing will get done if he can't get over the fear. And don't shame him or compare him to his sisters, he knows that he should be using the potty he's just afraid!!!!

Answer 3

I found these tips on a potty training website:

"My son, at age four, had a fear of the potty, and would go hide in another room when he had to "go," or hold it for hours. We consulted a pediatric psychologist who suggested an incremental plan with rewards, since there were no health problems or past trauma.

For example, first he got a star if he "went" anywhere near the bathroom. Next, he had to be in the bathroom. Then he had to sit in his diaper on the potty. The next step was to loosen the diaper tapes. Finally, the diaper was off. A few days later, he started using the big toilet on his own, and we didn't even need the rewards. These small steps slowly decreased his anxiety, and worked beautifully."



"My son was afraid he'd fall in the toilet, so I had him sit backwards and hold on to the back of the toilet. A friend's daughter was afraid of the flushing, so they did not do that in her presence. Some kids prefer a potty so they can put their feet on the floor; others like to use the big toilet like mom and dad."



If your child seems to be afraid of the toilet itself, then gradually acclimatize him to the potty. Have him sit on one of the little potties fully clothed for a few minutes each day while you read to him or tell him a story. When that becomes old hat, take his diaper off so he can sit on it just like Dad and Mom. Eventually this will become old hat, too. Begin putting the contents of his dirty diapers in the potty so he can see what happens. Then give him the opportunity to run around bare-bottomed so he can try to go on the potty if he wants.



Good luck!!

Answer 4

.My son also had a problem with using the toilet at that age. I just acted like it was cool to flush the toilet and watch the tissue paper go down the hole, I also got a book about a little boy going potty and it even had a button to push to make the flushing sound, so i would give him the book when i put him on the toilet and showed him he is doing the same thing like the kid on the book . You can get the book at a target or toys"r"us. Good luck i know it can be frustrating

Answer 5

I can't say why he responds that way...I almost wonder if he hasn't ever put anything in a toilet before and it (disappeared!) It could have really upset him. Believe it or not...some boys do take longer. So if he keeps responding that way, it will do you no good to pressure him. Spankings will make it worse. I truly believe that children should be invited to share the going to the bathroom to get them used to seeing the routine and it makes them want to grow up and be like mommy/daddy. You state you had no problems with your girls...I wonder if that isn't what you did with them, but if your husband is shier and won't do so...well that could play a part in it. As the child gets used to using the pot, then you start getting them to do so by ones self. PS. I am a mother of four, two of each and potty trained mine by myself.

Answer 6

With all three children we have let them poop and pee in underwear but kept with it. I do leave them in a pull up to sleep in - we have them go before bed and then wake them up around 2am and take them in asleep and set them on the potty. They seem to wake up wet even after all that. Worked like a charm for the first two....number three is 3.5 also and still is wearing a pull up at night. Yours just might not be able to hold it yet.....
Too early to fret though.....keep trying.

Answer 7

Try using a sticker chart and lots of praise. it can take awhile for boys to get it. My son was almost 4 when he got it and now I am working with my 2 1/2 year old. Incredible Years has a section that talks about the pottytraining. Sticker Charts, Rewards and lots of praise (of the steps, don't expect perfection). They just need pottytrained before kindergarten.

Answer 8

Have him watch your husband while he's on the toilet,maybe he's watched some movie where a creature comes out of a toilet and gets some kid.Reward him with toys,ice cream, candy, anything you can possibly think of!!!
~Spoilt~

Answer 9

Make a game out of it, put cheerios in the toilet an tell him to try and shoot at them. It's simple and it works. Or even gold fish crackers. **** luck!