I have a 3mo. old son and the father is married and stationed in Iraq. He has not even called me to even find out if the birth went ok. He has made it clear that he doesn't care about me at all and that he just wants to make things right with his wife. Now mind you, I had no idea of his situation before I got pregnant. I called and told his wife the situation because he was stalling, and she forgave him and stayed with him. That's all fine, but he doesn't even call to check on his son. Mainly because I believe his wife threatened to leave. I can't even get in touch with him. If anybody has any suggestions, please let me know, I would greatly appreciate it.
2007-07-14 15:11:17 · 17 answers · asked by Hottie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well, since he is in the military, if they ever found out they would MAKE him pay you child support, they are very very strict about that. also you really need to push the issue because your son is entitled to a LOT of rights seeing has how his dad is in the military.
he would get all schooling paid for when he is older, he also would get his social security and now if his dad was to die in while in action your son would receive benefits from that too. i'm sure his wife would be beneficiary but would have to split with his son and other children its now $500,000!!
so it would be in the best interest of your son to not let this man slide on his responisbility. fight it and you will win!!
2007-07-14 15:17:01 · answer #1 · answered by Chads Wife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you cannot make a father calll and check on his child. You aren't going to be able to force this child on him. He will only see his son on his own free will. But all you can do is go to your local division of child support and file the paperwork, its a lengthy process and with him being stationed overseas, it may take a while. Then when he comes back the court will order a dna test. when the child comes back his, he will be ordered to pay child support. but do not depend on it to be backdated to the day the child was born. Also, if you know what branch he serves you can contact the local branch for more info. Besides if you have already called his wife and told her of the situation, you should have her number granting its still the same. Best of luck to you and your son.
2007-07-14 22:22:08 · answer #2 · answered by mumof4 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go to the local child support agency and file for support. They may ask for a DNA test from the man you say is the Father.
If he proves to be the Father, then he will be ordered by the court to pay child support. If he is in the military, it may be taken directly from his pay.
You cannot expect him to be in contact with you. He choose to stay with his wife and in order to do that, he needs to stop contact with you. His wife has every right to expect him to do so if he wants to save his marriage. So, it's his choice.
You do not have to be in contact with him, this is not about you anymore, he made that clear. Let the courts and your attorney do so. Don't try to contact him, he is not worth your time anymore.
He may or may not want anything to do with this child. If he does want to know the child, he may only want to talk about the child or just see the child, not you. But, regardless of his choice, he has the legal obligation to provide for the child. The court will decide the amount based on a scale they use.
He can ask the court for visitation and even the right to take the child out of your home without you. Are you willing to have him take the child to his wife and other families home if she will accept him? If he gets rights awarded when you file for support, then you will have little choice.
So, I see it this way, you have two options.
Sue him for child support. Be willing to go through DNA testing as his attorney will ask for it. Protect your own rights in this process, he might surprise you with asking for shared custody and or visitation rights.
Ask him to give up his parental rights. He will have no rights to the child at all. But, you also then cannot ask for financial support.
If he is smart at all, he has already gotten an attorney and looked into his rights and responsibilities. If you wait a few years and then prove he is the Father, the courts may ask him for back child support.
I know someone who's husband's ex-mistress sued him when the child was 8, she had no idea the child even existed. The other woman was angry that he choose to stay with his wife. He was in the military and money was deducted right from his payments. He owed so much back payment, they had to sell their home and he had several kids with his wife.
That man has only occasional phone contact with his son and some emails, with a few in person meetings. He pays his child support, he has to, it is taken right from his military pay.
So, go to an attorney or child support agency and see what your rights are.
2007-07-14 23:43:08 · answer #3 · answered by joyh 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be sure to turn him into child support enforcement! Other than that you can't really do anything if he doesn't want to be there, and I don't think you should want that kind of man anyway.
I got married after a bad relationship and walked away with a daughter, and I found a great man. been married 12 years now.
Move on and good luck!
2007-07-14 22:17:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well all i can say is he should of thought about that before he slept with u and got u pregnant. His wife should know that he is goin to have to take care of the baby and child support. If she dont know that she is sorta dum or whatever. And next time be very careful on who u sleep with to make sure they are married or not. I know some men lie about it or whatever so thats the tricky part.
2007-07-15 03:25:30 · answer #5 · answered by sara 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear about your prediciment. That has got to be hard. Maybe if you send him a pic without him knowing? let him see him. Tell him that even though he doesnt like you, there is no reason for him to not like his son!! I have no idea how things work internationally (Im from oz) but if you can find a way to take to legal action? If you want to go that path?
Good luck with everything. Wishing you the best
2007-07-14 22:16:17 · answer #6 · answered by Heidi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And you had unprotected sex with this guy, why????????
Hon, you're the dummy. You were the one who chose to get laid without protection, and you were the one who chose not to find out enough about your sexual partner(s) to discover whether or not the guy was married. further, you were the one who chose to get preggers. To use nothing is a decision --- to become pregnant. As far as he is concerned, it was a one night stand....
Frankly, do indeed get lost, perhaps even put your child up for adoption so that it will have a far better life than that you can give it. Go back to school, get on with your life... and leave the man alone, and leave his family alone..... In your place I wouldn't want to be where I wasn't wanted.... he has made it clear you are not wanted. Consider him the sperm donor.
You asked.
2007-07-14 22:20:09 · answer #7 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get in touch with the main headquarters of whatever branch of the military he belongs to. You can find it on the internet. He MUST pay child support for his child regardless of his feelings.....the military enforces that. If you contact headquarters and report him they will take the support out of his paycheck. You will probably have to be involved in a DNA test for your child, unless he is willing to admit he is the father. If he tries to refuse he can be kicked out of the military.
Don't try to make him be involved with his child, though. Take the money he owes you and work on moving ahead without him. You and the child are probably better off without him.
2007-07-15 02:38:24 · answer #8 · answered by missmuffin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't mess around with married men. You are not going to be able to make him have contact with his son. Face it, unless he has a change of heart your kid is going to grow up without a dad because of your bad decision.
You need to work on yourself and figuring out why you don't think you deserve a good man who is willing to marry you before messing around with you and getting you pregnant as well as why you would even let yourself get invovled with someone who was married in the first place.
Looks like you will have to be mom and dad for this child. You are going to have to learn how to handle all of this on your own. You may be able to get financial help, but like I said, you can't make his dad be there for him if he doesn't want to.
2007-07-15 01:27:55 · answer #9 · answered by az_mommma 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unfortunately, you cannot make him want to see his son. However, you CAN demand what you and your son are entitled to. Child Support is something he should be paying so that your son has a chance at a comfortable upbringing.
Your ex-loser will have to deal with the guilt of not seeing your beautiful son.
2007-07-14 22:30:53 · answer #10 · answered by Talkstress 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋