If you were falling out of love w/ your spouse, would you tell them?

Question

Especially if you want to make things better in your marriage, can't being too truthful end up hurting more than helping? I still do love him, but he just has been so insensitive this past year and I am tired of sounding like a broken record. You can only have so many 'talks' with someone--I'm starting to think that he'll just never change. I'm tired of being w/ the kids 24/7 while he's off doing other things. He is a good dad, but he just doesn't truely appreciate all that I do. Example: it's Sat. night and I am home alone w/ the children while he's out fishing...again. I guess I just don't feel #1 on his priority list and I'm getting to the point where I am caring/crying less and less about the whole situation.

Answer 1

Ask him which he'd rather have - you or his freedom. Explain that he can't have both and tell him to think about it and to pick one. If he choses his freedom then make sure you and the children are taken care of financially and move on with your life. If he choses you then insist on counseling - for him, for you and for the 2 of you as a couple.
I hope things will work out for you and your marriage.

Answer 2

Instead of telling him you're falling out of love with him, fall back into love with him. make a list of the things you love (or loved) about him and go over it daily.

Get some books on marriage and read them. Go to marriage conferences and seminars.

Another thing I'd like to point out here is that love is not a feeling...it's a decision. You just need to wake up each day & decide to do what will be best for the other person. There are days when making that decision is more difficult than other days, but the decision still needs to be made daily.

One book I'd recommend is the Five Love Languages by Gary Smalley. Figure out what his love language is & speak it often throughout the day. Figure out what your love langage is and talk to him about it & what you need from him, suggest he read the book, too.

I hope this helps. You can make this work. You can revitalize the spark you've lost. You can have a terrific marriage. Dh & I have been married nearly 21 years & we're happier now than ever before.

Answer 3

Yep... he does need to know. This is the part of marriage that always gets bad. You're not alone. It happens all the time. It's how you handle it that makes the diference of staying or going. You're tired... not out of love. Remember love is action... not feeling.
Would he consider counselling.
Just understand that divorce won't make things better for you or your children at this stage... if things can be fixed.

Perhaps you need to send him a wake up call.
Take off some evening after supper and let him put the kids to bed. Just tell him you're going *out* If he asks where just say *out* And if all you do is wander the aisles at the biggest grocery store in town, or sit in a Barnes and noble reading magazines for two hours.. may be he'll get a taste. Trust me, I've heard this one shakes them up a bit. Do it every now and again... but not predictably so. Let him make supper a couple of times... or deal with something that is usually yours to deal with

Shake him up a bit... stop being predictable. Understand that whining about your situation won't change it. He needs to get it himself. Chances are he isn't going to change..

Buy some new sexy under wear but don't wear it when he can see you.. let it turn up hanging on a clothesline when he is around... kick it up a notch...
have fun with it... but do NOT imply something is going on... that could back fire..

This always works better than complaining.

Answer 4

I know how you feel. My husband decided to change careers and went back to school. We just had a baby and now we never see him. We have had so many fights over this and I am at the point of caring less about the whole situation too.

Definitely tell him what you are feeling; men are stupid, they need EVERYTHING spelled out for them. Even if you talk to him about this make sure he understands what you are saying by asking him questions.

Good luck and I hope you either fix your marriage or move on to a better single life!

Answer 5

As Rocky stated, "We all can change!" "I love you Adrien! On a serious note, People can change but sometimes drastic measures has to occur or a simple Marriage enrichment class can bring back the love that's grown cold or even shipwrecked. You need to learn what unconditional love really means and how you both can apply it to your lives. Instead of thinking negatively and looking as though he will never change, why not try changing, YOU? Has your personality somewhat changed over the coarse and the flame of love dimished from your heart? You see, love endures and love doesn't write down the wrongs of those you love. It always builds up and encourages the one you love and never doubts them. Love says will you forgive me then responds, yes and never remember it again..Ever..Too many people know more about hating and unforgiveness and fault finding than they do about true love. Go back to step one and fall in love again. Know what it means to live love with each other only this time, don't look back. See each other in the eyes of love. If he was to die tomorrow let your love be as though this were true and do what you would do if it were the case because we don't know what tomorrow holds so let love take you through each day and do not let the sun go down with you saying negative words or unforgiveness in little arguements. Go to bed with matters solved and you will enjoy waking up next to the one you love because Love never fails..

Answer 6

Do you know just how normal you sound.Your husband is doing what 80% of husbands do and that is think of themselves they forget they have kids and a wife at home who misses him and needs him. Don 't feel bad your not alone believe me.I have read so many books on the subject and everyone says the same thing A husband really doesn't no that anything is wrong at home why is that,because they can't read our minds if we don't tell them then they don't no. Most wives like yourself says you have talked until your blue in the face.Do you no that you have to tell your husband ever single time about something he did.Men forget what we tell them they really are simple minded people.How many times have you said to your husband what are you thinking about and he tells you nothing he is thinking about nothing well to us it's impossible to not think of nothing. Men just don't catch on to the hints we throw at them and unless you come right out and tell him point blank what the problem is he hasn't a clue.

Answer 7

l know how you feel :-(

If it were me, after having numerous discussions that went unheard and disregarded, I wouldn't say anything until I was ready to take action of some sort (either filing papers or going to a marriage counselor). Its a matter of not putting your cards on the table until you're ready to play them, IMO.

Sorry you're going through that. Wish I had some better advice for you, but being in a similar boat I'm afraid that I don't.

Answer 8

Yeah...sometimes the truth hurts more than helps, so start taking care of Urself!! That doesn't mean neglect Ur family it just means to start taking better care of urself!! U deserve to and he isn't right now...U don't have to be selfish about it, just let everyone know U are having a girls day or nite or even just an hour to Urself....it can help U very much...sometimes when U start taking care of U, Ur husband will start taking care of U too!!
and Ur kids will see that It is worth taking care of themselves too!!
Take Great Care!!
:)

Answer 9

Tell him and don't hold nothing back when u do tell him.. Sit him down and talk about how u feel like u don't have his attention anymore like u used to... And if his answer ain't what u wont it to be... U have 2 choices that's leave him or deal with the problem and that's nothing u wont to do but sometimes we have to take things that r bad in life and turn them around to be something good!!

Answer 10

i know where you coming from.... seems your really fed up. Maybe ask him also to give you a break. If not with him, then to be your friends. Hang out with them. And from that he will think also that why you don't wanted to be with him because he is not offering. Don't stuck yourself in the house. Go out and have shopping. Make yourself pretty . If all these things doesn't work then.. go and make your own life without him. good luck