Sex with my Husband of 12 years sucks....?

Question

I have been with my husband for 13 years married for 12 and the sex has steadily been going doewnhill, he has to be in one postion, and it freaking hurts, having sex with him is very very painful, so I have to use lotions so he can get to the point where he can do his business so he does not rub himsellf raw as it is quite painful, and nothing is going to accomidate him, when I am in pain, I have tried to get him to go in other positions and it does not work, so we end up in the same one, so I put off having sex for like months at a time, and he is constintly asking for it, I use every excuse, HELP!!! I don't want to hurt his feelings!!

Answer 1

Why only in one position?
What excatally hurts?
Why is a lubricate a problem?
Why are you so spastic?

#1. I am a true believer in, if sex sucks, your not trying hard enough. And dreading it, makes it bad to begin with.

#2. Even if he has to be in a certain position, wouldnt it be fun to add a little adventure into that position?

#3. Why do you think intimacy has to include penertation? There are other ways to make eachother feel good. Starting with you feeling sexy. Forget the stress of penetration. Dance for him, erotically, caress him, and make it a all for HIM night. He may just do the same for you.

#4. Honesty. If you dont want to approach him where it would hurt his feelings, do it WHILE you are making love. When it hurts, tell him it hurts and suggest a way that would be more comfortable.

#5. DONT FAKE IT!! Men listen to there women, and repeat the things you react to. So if you fake it, and its not feeling that good, there going to keep doing that cause you made them think it felt good. If something aint feeling that great, tell them what does.. tell them a little to the left, or softer or harder. You have to SPEAK.

There is no excuse.

My husband and I are both over weight. He is disabled from back problems and has cronic pain. And fibromyaligia. And we are very creative and have a blast in the bedroom. Use your imagination and fantise about your husband more and youll get all kinds of ideas.

Answer 2

Hey!! I read your other question you posted and i read this one.. I may be younger than you but not by alot.. This is my input and i just got out of a relationship where he controlled me like a puppet.. The way i see it is like this you can love someone for always but you have to remember that it is important for you to be happy and if your not happy then why be with that other person and i'm talking about being married or not if you cant trust your partner then you dont have a loving relationship. My x controlled my every move and yes i still love him but the best thing i have done is left him and thats the truth.. Dont fear him and dont let him run you cause you are a person and you have feelings just like anyone else.. So you need to stop talking about it and DO SOMETHING about it like i did and i promise it will be for the better.. Cause your soul mate your true love will not treat you like a puppet he will treat you like a queen. And there are to many good men left to waste your life on a jerk.. Always remmeber this quote! YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF FIRST BEFORE YOU CAN LOVE SOMEONE ELSE> THIS is just my input and maybe it will help. GOODLUCK and remember it is a NEW YEAR make it a good one!

Answer 3

You need to have a frank, open, honest talk with him about the pain you're in and why you try to avoid having sex.

You also might need to see a doctor or a counselor together to see if you two can work something out that will work for both of you.

Answer 4

Have you told him how much it hurts you? Have you talked to your doctor to see why it's painful?

After being married this long, you should be able to talk with him about this type of thing. Stop making excuses and tell him the truth.

Answer 5

u have to discuss the situation with him..do you want to go threw the rest of ur life trying to avoid sex with him?? he is obviously gonna ask u wats really up and then u will have to tell him anyways..unless u make up some lame excuse and then risk him getting a divorce with u cuz u wont have sex wit him anymore..u must tell him wats really wrong and hopefully he will try to fix the problem. good luck. the truth is always the best way to go..no deception.

Answer 6

Your hurting his feelings now. Tell him the truth and he'll probably understand more of what's going on. Making him wait will only make your relationship sink deeper. Is this really what you want. Think about your ages also. Think about to spice up your love life and then surprise him.

Answer 7

You guys need to see a doctor together. If you are that dry you need to talk to a doctor and if he rubs himself raw something is wrong. If you both talk to a doctor together that deals with these kind of things I think things will get better.
You need to tell him the truth about why you don't want to have sex - it will help motivate him to want to go to a doctor to get help.

Answer 8

That isn't having sex, it is more like abuse. He needs to understand that sex is painful in that one position. Sex is supposed to be an expression of Love not torture. He either gets the point or does without.

Answer 9

Talk to him about it! It may hurt his feeling at first, but try to explain to him nicely and maybe he will understand. Also mention the possibility of sex therapy/counseling.

Answer 10

if it takes hurting his feelings to make things better, then so be it. After all, I would think that this is about the both of you - not just about him. If it is about him then you have a lot more problems than just this one inside that marriage.