Feedback on poem I just wrote, it was a tough one emotionally to get out?

Question

Look Deeper

The world of darkness I have created continues to grow darker.
There is nothing solid-- not that there ever was.
I look at myself hoping to find the little girl I lost.
But all I see is a stranger looking back at me.

I look deeper and still I cannot recognize this girl.
I want peace, but continue to surround myself with conflict.
I can never validate myself; I have to look to others.
This is how it has always been.

I always hit a brick wall when my emotions start to take control.
This mental roadblock is solid, but not something worth keeping.
There is no rational in my mind, only chaos.
Nothing I ever decipher makes sense.

Everything is so intense for me and my grip on it is too weak.
My connections both internal and external are diminishing.
It is the same cycle that I try hard to break.
But I do not have the confidence to break it.

The real me is toxic, that is all I see.
That person is not worth knowing.
That is very sad indeed, because everyone has worth.
I have never been able to find my own though.

There is good in me and there is bad.
Every time I attempt to look deeper, I close my eyes.
I do not want to know this stranger.
But she needs me.

I just write to get things out. It doesn't matter if they make sense. The only real audience is me. I'm not going to change how I write to make it easier for others to read. If things were easy in life, I wouldn't need to write in the first place.

Answer 1

It has potential, but it's way too abstract. It's a misconception that poetry has to be abstracted and detached from everything real. Poetry, however, should always read more like a stylized story. I'd suggest going back and rethinking what caused you to write the poem in the first place, and rewriting it with more details and plot. Don't just give the reader a list of emotions and tell them how they should fell. Show the emotions and let the story influence the reader instead.

Answer 2

This might have been really hard for you to write on a personal level.
but reading this- I have no clue what you're talking about.
Clearly there was trauma- but you're not conveying what it was.

Abstract poetry is too tough on the reader- if I "had to be there" to understand it. then it's useless for us the reader.

i would list out what you want to say in a poem, maybe even write in sonnet form.

btw form is a good way to write- you tend to say things in a way you never thought possible.

Answer 3

Wow, you really poured your soul into that now didn't you?
I was completely drawn to every word.

I say you think about getting someone "important" to look at that. It sounds like some Newspaper material.

Answer 4

keep on writing and abstract is a great way to write but then again i am not a linear person I like to reciete to random in my thoughts and actions.

Answer 5

Nice job. There's a lot more where that came from. You need to let it out.

Answer 6

hey feel good about yourself

at least you care...