Does it look desperate for a middle aged divorced woman to go out to a bar alone?

Question

I am divorced and just broke up from a 6 year relationship with a guy who has committment phobia big time! He had a horrible marriage and is now confused about where our relationship is going after 6 years. We are taking "a Break." My friends are happy that we are apart and say I deserve much better than him. Over the six plus years we have been going out 3 nights a week and going away a lot and basically I am getting lonely and miss him. I know he goes out all the time, (as he has done his whole life) with his guy friends and we live near each other. My friends are sometimes busy with their families, etc... Would it look desperate if I went out by myself for dinner and sat at the bar in a nice place? I know he has always told me in the past that women do it a lot- but I usually am with friends... What if I do it and he shows up with some friends? It would be embarrassing- but guys can sit at a bar by themselves and no one thinks twice- What do you think about going solo?

Answer 1

Go do it girl... You deserve it... it does NOT look desperate and who cares what others think!

Answer 2

I was divorced for almost 27 years before I met my husband. I stayed single by choice during that time ( yes I did have serious relationships during that time too)
Anyway,
There is nothing wrong or odd about a woman dining alone --it's fashionable these days and restaurants do cater to the single.
Many singles will bring a book with them to read while dining.
As far as going to the bar, I did.
Whether it was my local neighborhood gin mill where everyone knew everyone or
sitting at a nice cocktail bar in a fine restaurant. Fair warning you may get "hit" on, be gracious but firm.
I even traveled alone .. I went to the casino's, got my own hotel room etc.
So stop worrying and start living........

Answer 3

Ask yourself a question: are you going to live the rest of your life (or your "break" if you prefer) trying to avoid situations where your ex--er, "break" partner might see you looking less than eligible?

Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm getting the feeling you were let go and have bought into the wimpy euphemisms you ex used during the break up.

I'd suggest moving on and giving about two turds worth of thought to what he thinks of you. But that's not going to happen, so here's another suggestion:

Don't go to bars in the first place. I don't know too many people that go to a bar alone for atmosphere. They go out in the hope they might meet someone/get laid. If you go to a bar for this, you will indeed find a guy just like the last one, if you're lucky. Do you want that?

The key to meeting people outside meet-markets is confidence, which we could all use more of (except for *******, they have too much). What do you do that you really like doing? Or how about something you are really good at?

Let's say you are a really good bowler. In most cities today, you'll find either singles leagues or companies that get together people to compete in things like bowling, softball, ect. Yeah, there's a lot of loser stink on doing something likes this, but I'm willing to bet you'll meet someone who is less of a d-bag outside of bars.

Now that I wrote it out, this suggestion is pretty lame, but you get the point--grow some backbone, approach guys outside of bars when you are feeling good about yourself. Do things that make you feel that confident--like wear expensive lipstick, do a wonder bra or something, whatever it is that makes women feel hot.

Answer 4

If your avatar is actually a picture of you, I'd like to see what you look like before trowling on all the makeup you appear to be wearing. My Wife of 32 years, is not ugly by anyone's standards, and to this day, I still don't know what she ever saw in me. But I'm certainly not complaining, especially when guys half her age keep giving her the eye. PS: Perhaps you should have read the story that went with what you picked up on Yahoo. I did, and it seems it's just another attempt by Newsweek, to portray a Conservative woman in a bad light, while they NEVER do the same to Liberal women. That picture was lifted from an issue of "Runners Word", where Palin stated that she is, indeed, a runner.

Answer 5

It should be ok for women to do it too, but unfortunately women are judged differently to men. When a man sits alone at a bar it's because he likes a drink, when a woman does it it's because she's desperate. You probably wouldn't be on your own for long as there are plenty of men who would probably be happy to join you, but for the wrong reasons. A desperate woman is not what most men would see as relationship material, only sexual.

Answer 6

If you're going out for dinner why not sit at a table and have a drink with your dinner. I think that looks a lot less desperate than going and sitting at the bar.

Answer 7

Yeah, it might look a little desparate.
Don't you have a girl-friend you need to catch up with?
Join a community or church group with a common interest.
There are lots of volunteer organizations looking for help.
Go to a gym or spa, visit the library or art gallery,
take a leisurely shopping trip, with stops at coffee bars.
Try student pubs, instead of meat-market bars.

Answer 8

What's good for goose is good for the gander..as they say. Go to the bar sit there and perhaps you have a good conversation or two. I don't think there is anything wrong with a woman sitting by herself a bar. You'll be surprised how easy it can be sometimes to strike up a conversation. If your ex shows up, hopefully some really good looking guy will be talking to you and perhaps he'll realize how stupid he's been. You just never know what'll get a guy back in your graces.

Answer 9

I personally feel as though it is perfectly ok for a women to treat herself to a nice dinner and a couple of drinks if she wants to. That might just be because I am younger and people in my age group see nothing wrong with women doing their own thing. But I think that if it would make you feel uncomfortable then you shouldn't do it because there is nothing worse then feeling strange and alone. I say if you are confident in yourself do whatever you want to and do not let what others think get in your way. Good luck and I hope you treat yourself well.

Answer 10

Pretty much, yes. I know it's a lousy stereotype, but, initial impression would be just that. This is just my perception and I could be in the minority here. The important thing is, are YOU OK with it? If you are, then go for it. Who gives a rat about what others think. Live your life for you, not strangers. If you do see him while you're out solo, Acknowledge him, gracefully, and go back to reading the book that you brought along. He'll see you as self-sufficient and that he is replaceable. Good luck.

Answer 11

I think it would make you feel alot better to go out by yourself. It's a nice treat to bring a good book or magazine, or just to sit and people watch, and treat yourself to a nice meal or a drink. It's a great confidence booster to go out by yourself, and i totally don't think it looks desperate at all!