She wants a divorce?

Question

Okay my best friend{josh} got married 5 months ago. He is the best guy next to my husband. He deserves the best. The girl he married{holli} moved in with him and his dad for about 4 months. She then decided to move back in with her mother because Josh was on the computer constantly. Holli told him that she needed him to get his life in order and get a job and a car and go back to school. Holli barely graduated and neither one of them had jobs when the got married. After she moved out Josh got a job a car and went back to school to get his GED. She got a job and so did josh. However her mother said she won't pay or give her daughter anything else if she doesn't divorce josh. Now she wants a divorce and to start dating josh again. Josh isn't happy with it but will do it for her. WHAT IS THE REAL PROBLEM HERE? IS IT HER PARENTS? OF IS SHE BEING A LITTLE SELFISH AND STUCKUP. Josh isn't that set{money wise} and her parents are and she doesn't want to give that up. Josh has got her everyth,

i wouldn't make this my business but josh keeps running to me and my husband for advice, We have been married a year and he uses us as examples in the relationship. I'm tired of hearing about their problems because i have problems of my own. I'M RUNNING OUT OF ADVICE TO GIVE.

Also i want to add that there is no CHILD IN THE MARRIAGE!!!!!!

Answer 1

It sounds like she's the one that needs to get it together. You don't marry someone for money..you marry for love. If her parents are giving her the ultimatum and she's that worried about money, then it sounds like she wasn't really ready to be married in the first place. You don't make choices like that for your parents..you make them for yourself. She needs to push her parents aside and be with her husband. Things will work out for them if they try hard enough. In-laws do play a big part in the relationship though and she's the one that needs to do something about it. If she's that worried about money, then maybe he's better off without her anyway.

Answer 2

Not that I have a clue about what is going on with this, but from what I can tell, Holli is under pressure from her parents about getting married so young and wants them to get divorced so that she can have her baby back. Granted, I think both Josh and her need to grow up regardless of whether they want to stay married or not. The think the problem is all of the above though. Josh does need to get his GED and a direction in life. Whether that life involves factory work or fast food does not matter. I think she needs to get her head on straight and get away from her mom a little.

That's all I have in my advice, but don't expect your friends to listen although Josh appears to be headed in the right direction. Where she wants to go back to dating? I don't understand that at all. They are a little past that. The last time a girl told that to me, I had dates with two other girls with in a hour.

Answer 3

There is one line in your question that answers it. You say: "her mother said she won't pay or give her daughter anything else if she doesn't divorce Josh".

If this girl is an adult she should tell her mother to keep her money and stick by her husband. It is absolutely pathetic that they are thinking about getting divorced (and then dating again?????????) because mommy won't cough up some cash. Does she really think that mommy will continue to give her money if they get divorced but she still dates him??? NO. She'll then demand that she stop seeing Josh at all, and on and on. Mommy's demands will have NO end.

Tell them to grow the hell up. Either be married, commited to each other and support themselves, or divorce, let mommy run her life forever, and DO NOT ever get back together again.

If a man ever told me he'd be willing to divorce me for money, I'd divorce him without it.

Answer 4

holli is not treating josh with the respect necessary to be in a marriage, or in a relationship... the rest is irrelevant.

he should "go along" with her divorce (and the reason doesn't really matter, whether it's her, or her parents), and then he should start dating somebody else.

even if he got a college degree and did well for himself, it doesn't sound like he'll ever be treated as an equal by that family.

i agree that it's good for a partner to encourage, and maybe even push their significant other to "be the most they can be", but it should be done in their best interest, not by coercion. especially if she's being a hypocrite on top of it.

and it doesn't matter whether it's holli or her mother starting it, because holli is playing along.

it sounds like it's not what josh wants to hear, but it's what he needs to hear. whether he listens is his own responsibility.

best of luck, josh... she's not worth it - you can find better... and not just a little, a LOT better : )

Answer 5

Thank God that there are no children of this marriage yet.

Ok, now Holli is used to financial security and her mother wants the man that she marries to be able to take care of her daughter in the manner to which she is accustomed.

Josh needs to grow up. He needs to find direction in life because it is the direction HE wants to go, not that this woman is pushing him. She ISN'T his mother, and he should be able to have direction for himself.

Josh may be a very nice guy and very well intended. However, it sounds like he is either lazy or directionless. Either one is not productive for showing that you can provide for a spouse and future children.

Josh and Holli should NEVER have gotten married and they should go ahead and get the divorce. They can date again and get their lives headed in the direction that each of them WANT them to go. Later down the line, if they love each other and are more on the same page with goals for the future and the path to get there...then they can make better decisions.

Josh also needs to quit dumping on his friends. Yes, you are there for him, but I gather that you have given him PLENTY of (likely good) advice that he just doesn't follow through on. This could be indicitive of his way that he handles everything. Why should Holli have had to tell him to get a job? Doesn't he know that if he is a grown man that he should have a job without being forced to get one?

He needs to quit acting like a beat puppy and start being a man.

Truth

Answer 6

This is a prime example of getting married too young. Sounds like both are young and immature, so much that their life that they started to gether is pretty much over. However, Holli needs to grow a pair and stand up to her parents. If she really cares for Josh, money wont be an issue.

Answer 7

How old are these people? Who marries without jobs, a place to live, or a high school education? Who moves their spouse into their "room" of their parent's home? There is no baby involved?
Sounds like Holli's mom is right. Divorce Josh and start over. For heaven's sake, tell her not to date her ex-husband.....Don't repeat history. Start over.

There is more to a marriage than love and it sounds like neither of them were prepared for it to begin with.

Answer 8

Sounds she was born with a silver spoon her mouth, (meaning she can wine and get whatever she wants. Josh loves her, and she can't see what she has in him. Let Josh come to his senses and then he will realize what she has in him. Just be there for him as a friend that you are, he will soon see the truth. Good luck with everything, I do hope you will keep me updated.

Answer 9

by nature, psychology tells us that girls will be most attracted to men who at least as well off as her parents. When the man is not well off and her parents are - that woman will be very disappointed with a life with him. No matter how much she loves him - she will eventually lose all respect for him and desire to leave to find a financially better situation.

He may be better off without her if he has to stay in this low income lifestyle for many years to come waiting to finish training or college...

If her mom is a woman who doesn't work and is supported by her wealthy father - that is the example she will want to follow and anything less than that will seem like a hard and unbearable life for her.

Answer 10

The real problem is that its love and it takes alot of sacrifies to work but her parents are being very immature. I think that they shouldn't get divorced if they really love each other and should work it out. Kind of like romeo and Juliet except this time hopefully it will be a happier ending good luck and as a friend all you can do is be there for him.

God Bless,

Evan