His ex gf/mother of first 2 kids wont let them live with us!?

Question

My husband had 2 children with his ex girlfriend they 2 and a half and almost 5 years old. We have a child together also who is 17 months. When we lived near the ex, there was never a problem with us keeping the kids. Then about 6months ago we moved about a hour and a half away. Recently the children came to visit for a month and we decided we wanted them to live with us. When my husband talked to the kids mom during their visit with her, she said no to them living with us and then went home refusing to let us see the children. they have joint custody so we can get visitation but there are many reasons they should live with us. her house is disgusting with flies and food etc.. the childrens teeth are rotting out , they dont get bathed properly and cant even say abc's or 123's and she wants to send the 5 yr. old to kindergarden ! my mother in law says "well she's still hurt that you (husband) went and started another family" but they were no longer together and she has a new ba

baby with my husbands first cousin! so who cares how she feels anyway its about the kids not her and they deserve a much better life. she dont have a job or anything going for herself and she sleeps around with other peoples husbands and the children don have any manners or respect until they came to our house. the children want to be with us but what can we do? i know we can get social services involved but we are trying and its not easy as it may seem! what do you guys think? is her feelings more important or is living with us the right thing?

Answer 1

Call it old fashion, but marriage was meant to last 'til death do you part. When people live by the golden rule it sure does prevent alot of these problems.

I find it funny how now she is not a fit mother, but she sure was fit enough for your husband to marry and create two kids. Simply amazing.

Okay..... Get a Lawyer.

Answer 2

First of all you should not be talking about the children's mother this way. It is obvious that you do not have an ounce of respect for her, How then do you expect her to giive her children over tpo you if you cant even speak about her in a decent manner? hope you do not do this in front of the children!

Just so you know i am not taking any sides but you should be aware that..

The woman has lost her man to you and now she must hand over her children on a silver platter too! listen to yourself for a second will you? To you she might be the worst mother in the world but to her thats a differnt story. You want her children, not just some replaceable little dolls..her children!

Are you sure you are concerned about them this much, or is it that you just want them because they are your husbands children, and this will be another star in your crown? Yes it is obvious that the children are not getting the best care but why didnt you suggest this earlier? Why now when you have moved so far away? I hope you can seewhat i am hinting at.

What the three of you need to do is sit down togethr like three adults and come to some form of consensus, inteafd of you putting ideas im your husbands head and letting him be your spokesperson. You need totreat her like a person and how she choose to live her life sexually is non of your business. I think you are rude to evn mention it.

Talk to her about what is best for the children together and stop assuming that because she lives in a dump that she is a horrible mother. This could be the best she can do. And your husband should not have waited five years to come to the conclusion that she is an unfit mother.

Think of your child and empathise with her, see if you could give up your child that easily. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. If you are whats best for those children then you better start thinking about how you treat others.

(please forgive the spelling errors!)

All the best

Answer 3

It really hurts to hear that an ex wants his children to live permanently with him. The court orders state that they have to visit for a month. If the children are in danger, by all means go to cps or get a lawyer and start documenting everything.

I don't know of very many mother's who will willingly say "ok, take the children I gave birth to". Try to see how you would feel after hearing your husband say " I want the baby to live with me".

You and your husband made the choice to move. If you both feel there are issues that need addressing, get a lawyer. Just try to understand having them for a month and raising them full time are two different things. They grow fast. Always act in the best interest of the child and not in your best interest.

Answer 4

Listen...you need to understand those are HER children...try and put yourself in your shoes and give up your child to another woman. She gave birth to those children and there is no way in hell would I give my children up. Now if she were on drugs then maybe CPS could intervene on the childrens' behalf...but what I gather is is the mother just needs money...something that is hard to come by in these times. Sometimes we make bad decisions, and perhaps her bad decisions are just not helping the welfare of her babies. I think what you should try and do is maybe ya'll should figure out what to do to help. Isn't that what life is all about? Helping those who are less forturnate?

I wish there was an easy answer to this...but it appears as if everyone in this situation is going to be hurting if someone doesn't step up to the plate and help those that are in need.

Just my $0.02 for what it is worth.

Good Luck.
Abby

Answer 5

well, this is really difficult... I'm sure she'll get very hurt to have to give up her children eventhough she may not be a fit mother. but on the other we have two innocent kids that are not being taken care of properly and for sure their upbringing will effect who they will become in the futue... I'd say put the children first and go from there... make sure their mother can still see them though because no matter what they are kids and need their mother in their lives.

Answer 6

Of course your home seams to be the right place for those children...but as a mother yourself you should know that for a mom to be losing her children's custody it's the worse nightmare, even if she is a mom with a dirty house and men around the clock visiting her bedroom....she is still a mother. If the children are fed and not abused, the social services will let them live with their mothers cause it's always better for kids to be with their moms. All you can do is spend as much time as possible with them.....try to get them for the entire summer and while you have them teach as much as you can.

Answer 7

She has residential custody of the children and doesn't HAVE to allow HER children to live with you unless a court orders her to do so. Your husband (NOT YOU) has to take her to court and PROVE that she is an unfit mother to gain custody of the children. Just because YOU want them with you doesn't give you the right to have them live there.

Answer 8

I don't blame her from not wanting her children to stay with the two of you........Damn! It's her kids. However, I do agree with you if she is not taking care of them like she should. I hate mothers like that. He will just have to take her to court if he really wants to help his kids. If it's you pushing it up he might want to be a little careful. Cause he you to was to divorce he would have to take care of the kids on his own, and that is something most men don't want to deal with. I think it's something you and your husband should think about hard, Then get a lawyer and do what ya'll have to do. Everything that has to be done should be for the best of the kids.

Answer 9

NUMBER ONE THING....don't get social services involved. that will only make your legal fees higher. trust me on this. get a real lawyer and file for a modification to modify the parent child relationship but before you spend your money on a lawyer you better have proof of everything you are saying because if you don't, you're just wasting your money!

Answer 10

well by you saying ex gf that means that they were never married... did he go to court and get them legitmized if not he needs to.. having his name one the birth certificate is not enough.. sorry but a unwed father has little rights.. until he goes to court and then he can have all his rights.. i would seek out a lawyer on this one.. and screw her feelings.. do what is right for the kids