poem what you think of it?

Question

i wrote this poem, wonderin what you thaught of it;;



Darkness..

My thoughts are locked in my head,
No body cares about my worries,
So I keep them shut in inside,
They slowly eat away at me,
Putting pressure on my mind.

I lie in the darkness,
Alone and afraid,
I lie in the darkness,
No way to escape.

I live in the corner of the room,
Hiding. Disappearing into the shadows,
Away from all the people of the world,
The ones that hurt me,
That make me cry myself to sleep.

I lie in the darkness,
Alone and afraid,
I lie in the darkness,
No way to escape.

Everyone looks, everyone judges,
They see the scars and turn away,
They hate me from the start,
Don’t bother to get to know,
Just end up breaking my heart,
Left to face the world alone.

Answer 1

Kind of depressing, actually. Maybe you could try again for something a bit more cheery.

Answer 2

From your avatar and the subject of the poem, I'd say your poetry is in keeping with both. The sad part, about both, is that your sadness is a product of how you allow the world to affect you.

However, your poem is actually fairly well written. Although the refrain doesn't rhyme, by repeating it, it echoes, which achieves the same thing in a more haunting way. Again, in keeping with the context of the poem.

As far as the accuracy of your belief? Well, I think you're wrong. I think people do care, but perhaps not as much as you'd think. You see, the rest of us have similar problems, and we all can't go around emptying our heads on everyone else. The reality is that once we realize that it doesn't matter if we get sympathy, that all that matters is that others understand there is pain in the world so that our pain is not out of the ordinary, we move on and do what we can about the pain. We get away from the source, or we confront the source, or we learn to live with it...but we move on. We don't look for "escape" or some monumental event, we simply look towards where we want to go and start walking.

I feel your angst in your poem, so your ability to communicate your feelings is fine. Your assumptions need work, because people don't really "hate", they usually just move away from things that bring them down. If you walk, talk, dress and act like you worship negativity, people will avoid you. Don't become your own worst enemy and don't seek the company of others who dwell on the negative. Be yourself and accept that not everyone will ever accept everyone.

Keep writing, you are good at it.

Answer 3

Everybody can relate to pain. Many to solitude and feelings of unimportance. Good poem. but the truth is we are all thoughts of God and even in sadness we are never alone because all in existence is connected.
If you really feel that way, i have, i suggest you literally speak to no one, and lie in darkness for a week. After that you will realize how bright beautiful and cheery life actually is, the beauty and synchronicity is just a layer below what most people realize. Live Life Happily, your only moment is now. Forget the past. Who cares if people think youre weird? Who cares what people think when they are not thinking people? live life beautiful and disregard thr rules!!! Thats what i do and i find i have come to be very happy. good luck!

Answer 4

Good golly... That's eerily familiar to one of mine... (shiver) But aside from that awesome! Poetry is soul on paper, and this to me sounds like something written in a time of solitude and rejection, I love using mood extremes in life to write about, it gives us (writers) a way to tell others how we feel at the time and you did a wonderful job. (I've been writing for 9 years and recently had some stuff published)
The repetition (chorus?) is wicked awesome, I sang it to myself with a heavy metal tune, it's good for music too. Keep it up. I can't wait for more!

Answer 5

It needs to be deeper
it's okay but
the person you're talking about should talk to people
it takes time to be a friend
and effort
and it's hard
but sometimes
it beats being alone
most of the time it beats being alone

Answer 6

your poem sounds to me as you are very depressed. So in reality it is good because it reach me with how you feel. Sometimes we are so down we cannot share our deep inner thought and they build to be insurmountable. There must be someone you can talk to in your life. Don't be afraid we all have had that feeling one time or another. If you continue to feel so despondent please seek professional help.

Answer 7

hi. i hope you are okay. please let me know. your poem has so many things in it, things i can relate to. do you sometimes Hope that people Will look at you and turn away? that way, they cant really hurt you? that if anyone did get to know you, they wont like you, so why give them a chance to hurt you? its kinda a circular thing...you cant change unless you know your options. sounds easy, yeh? but it isnt. took me years and years and it still not all gone away. you hurt yourself because, for one reason or other, you blame yourself for what you have gone through. do you have a teddy bear? please dont laugh. if you cant love yourself, it really does help. my sister gave me one. i took it everywhere. nobody laughed, at least not so id notice. and crying helps too. it means that you care abiut yourself.

Answer 8

Publish it.

Answer 9

It shares much sadness however remember tomorrow is a new day, new hopes, new dreams for a better you.
The poem was deep, enlightening and I much like it . Thank you for sharing it.

Answer 10

good structure, good visual- the reader can understand how you feel, work on the wording a little so the feel how you feel instead of just understand. but better then ones i've have read so far.