I'm in my early 20's - hubbys a bit older than me, we have been happily married 6yrs now, have a lovely four year old child and im nearly 7months pregnant.
He told me today that he's had enough of me, i only asked him if the lamb that i was about to eat looked right (it looked pink) & he started screaming at me saying "are you out to p*** me off, r u saying i cant cook properly you f* in this - you f* in that. i know he's not having an affair etc but weve been arguing all day and tonight he broke some cupboard doors in the kitchen and smashed plates and cups everywhere.
Hes gone out to the pub now and his parting words were (looking at the destruction) look at what you made me do.He said hes leaving in the morning..
i feel as though i keep saying the wrong thing to him, hes never been like this before but one thing he did say was whatever you do with your pregnancy etc you f* get on with it and dont expect owt from me.will some1 just tell me that il be ok soon sorry 4 rantingx
2007-07-14 10:19:58 · 15 answers · asked by prg 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
WOW!
Your are going to be OK. The problem is not you. He is afraid of being a father again, and needs serious help. Go right now like yesterday and start structuring and rebuilding your self-esteem through counselling for yourself and your family, if he does not want to go don't force him. By the way I want you to know that you cannot change him. We as women sometimes get these type of men and feel that we can change them, that's absolutely wrong. He first has to want to change, so don't even waste your time trying. Go and get help for yourself first, and then move on with your life, and that's how you will cope.
2007-07-14 10:36:17 · answer #1 · answered by Johnnie C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Where do you live? I really hope you ive n US because whether he likes it or not the law is behind you and he should you child support... as for him doing all these things, who knows? We are not in your life to see where all this coming from. maybe you guys are two young to have two kids, ppl that are older can handle the pressure let alone younger ones... it's not easy to take these resposibilities. At first you think you can do it but once you really get no it you see how difficult real life is... anyway, he's either stressed out with all the house responsibilities or he's seeing someone else.... some times as you grow up you change and you realize your feeling towards ppl have changed as well, that's why we see this all the time that when pople get married when they ar very young it ends up in divorce...
What you have to do is to be strong for your kid and the baby you are carrying. It's difficult as hell and I'm sure you need him more than ever now, if you have parents and siblings try to get support from them... you don't want an abusive father for your kids anyway... You are 7 month pregnant, it's VERY important that you put your healt above all issues and try to avoid any kind of problems with him... i just want him to lose it and hurt you as well...good luck
2007-07-14 17:35:48 · answer #2 · answered by Shelley S 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't know how you can be "happily" married when your husband blows up like that. I doubt that's the first time he has done it.
I've been known to have a temper at times, but I have never spoken to any of my girlfriends in that way. I am practically married to my current girlfriend (we live together, and have been together for many years) -- we've had our fights, but I've never spoken to her like that or gone on a violent rampage.
This guy sounds dangerous, not only to you, but to your child and unborn child as well.
I would say that the marriage is over. It will NOT be okay as long as you stay with this guy. For him to be so selfish and violent when you are pregnant with his child, is immature and irresponsible. Divorce him for your own good. Force him to pay child support and only allow him state-supervised visits with your children. Do NOT let him get custody rights.
After all that he did, he blames YOU for his violent rampage? He should be ashamed. Even if you had said something insulting, he should not have reacted as violently as he did.
Real men know how to exercise some self control.
2007-07-14 17:30:52 · answer #3 · answered by . 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is little coward and wuss. How dare he attack a pregnant woman???
He is a person with a very selfish and self centered attitude.
Sister I think if you are in the position to boot him out then good! at least until he realizes what real jerk he is and maybe grow a set.
Your hormones are all out if whack so he does have the upper hand now. But you won't always be prego and when you have that child please get in shape pull your thoughts together remember what happened today and turn that table around!.
It is abuse clear and simple go to the link and read about it.
2007-07-14 17:38:48 · answer #4 · answered by theladygeorge 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am really sorry to hear about what you are going through. It must be really hurting to hear him utter those wrds to you. I cant imagin what you must be goiing through right now but i hope all will be well soon.
Your husband smashing things tells me that he has a lot of stored up anger issues that he needs to find constructive ways of getting rid of. In your state i dont think that you should try to aproach him about this. Ask a trusted friend or family relative of his to talk with him about what he is doing to you and his family.
I know this might be hard but i think you need to give him a little space to deal with these issues. If he put on a tantrum again he might hit you instead.The fact that he blames you for his behaviour suggest that he views you as a negative right now. You should not be around him because you will only reinforce this feeling.
The thought of having another child might be too much for him to handle or he has some hidden pain that he is not dealing with and sees you as the easiest target to empty on. Ask your friend or family to tell him to get help.
Do not try to be with him alone, this will not help either of you if he has another tantrum. I know as a wife your first instinct will be to run back to him if he calls and apologise, but let me assure you that if you do this y, you will start a long chain of this situation repeating itself.
Love him anyway but you have to do what is best for your children.They should not be brought up in an environment like this. It well affect them if it continues. Do not ignore his behaviour, it will not go away by itself!
Be there for him if he decides to get help but if not you cannot be with him...at least not until you are sure that you and your children will be ok around him.
I hope verything works out for you.
God bless- i have prayed for you.
2007-07-14 17:45:47 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
get tough.....go for child support and "alimony" if you can get it............I don't believe in this if it's out of greed or spite........but it sounds like he has an anger problem and is feeling smothered by the new baby........it will not just go away......and really think about the way it makes you feel......and think ahead to the child.....young and innocent......he may even hold a grudge against the baby............and that's an awful way for a child to grow up............if he is not willing to get professional help.......(and the pub is not professional).....you have no choice other than to take the lemons and make lemonade............remember there are many, many agencies that would love to help see you through.....pray and always remember you are never alone..........good luck
2007-07-14 18:02:15 · answer #6 · answered by bandit 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1st-was he ready to get a second child with you?
2nd-does he have other problems outside your marriage e.g work problem or such stuff.?
your husband is kindoff depressed and he have loose control of himself,you should be very carefull with him because he can do worse things to you.you need to ask help from family member or close friend of him who can talk to him.
it seems maybe you've been too depending on him... i mean you should show him you also indepentend
he look aggressive and seems to look some excuses of anything he does, i mean you are pregnant he's not supposed to treat you like that inside he should look that you don't get stressed up.
takecare n seek further help
2007-07-14 18:05:20 · answer #7 · answered by cociy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not ranting and you have nothing to apologize for. Pls. ensure the safety of your fetus, child and yourself, by changing the locks. Have him leave and then proceed to divorce him. This will only get worse. I'd suggest therapy, but I'm afraid he might physically hurt you and you can't take that risk. You need a stress-free & violence-free pregnancy.
2007-07-14 20:06:32 · answer #8 · answered by bahjij6 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have to say that I've kinda been there. First off, know that someone has to be the adult in your relationship and obviously since he left, it's probably got to be you. By adult I mean that someone has to be thinking about the kids first.........not themselves. The other suggestion I have for you is a web site that I've visited in the past, www.marriagebuilders.com, they have a wealth of knowledge about not only cheating spouses but the expectations we have in marriage...........Good Luck!
2007-07-14 17:32:20 · answer #9 · answered by Brenda W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. You really picked a great guy to have kids with, huh? This guy simply isn't ready to have kids. He's likely not yet a grown up himself. You BADLY need marriage counseling. If he won't go, you need to go alone. For the sake of the baby if nothing else. The baby needs at least one adult parent.
Kent in SD
2007-07-14 17:24:32 · answer #10 · answered by duckgrabber 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋