i feel like im going crazy.me and my husband have been together for 6yrs now.we have been living with his mum and dad for 1yr now he has not got a job im living in his country so i have lauage problem to work.he his stuck to his mum like glue.his mum does not make it any better she does everything for him we dont do anything together.should his mum be telling him to be more of a husband??we are living at his parents coz of him waiting on his visa.his alot older than me.we have been married 6yrs today and its like it does not matter his mum is a very snicky women if we are in the bedroom she always just comes in.his says to me i should be thankfull for what his family looking after us but i im not being ungratfull but i dont ask to live like this please give me some genune advise no wise cracks please!!!
2007-07-14 09:35:59 · 22 answers · asked by pinkktten 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are not wrong. Talk to your husband and let him know how you feel. I would not stay in another country and be treated like that. You are there without friends and family and they are taking advantage of your isolation from your own people. If things don't change, consider leaving and returning to your own country until your husband gets a job and a place to live for you two.
Good luck to you.
2007-07-14 10:02:24 · answer #1 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not crazy! You have already gotten some good advice but here is mine anyway. Lock the bedroom door. Tell your husband how much you appreciate (like) the help his parents have given but he has a new separate family with you and there needs to be a few rules to keep the peace in the home. First, everyone knocks before entering someone else's bedroom. His Mom should know this! Second there has to be time for the two of you to be alone. He should know that! As for you, I do not know what country you are in but here in the US there are English as a second language classes every where. Look in the paper or ask at local churches, or at local schools. Lastly, the Bible says when a man marries a woman he is to leave his parents and cleave only to his wife. I am praying for you to get out of the situation with joy and peace.
2007-07-14 16:58:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't say what country, but is his behavior or that of his mother's normal for his culture? If it is, I ask you why you would even consider marrying someone like that...
You don't mention children. If you have none, thank God. You can get out on your own. Meanwhile, lock the door or have a lock installed or put something in the way of the door so she'll have to knock it over to get in which will give you more time to get yourself together.
If my husband didn't work for a year with no good excuse I would leave him. He's not a good husband.
As far as her saying you should be thankful, her son should be thankful, not you. He's the one who won't work. Again, I'm thinking this is a cultural thing...
2007-07-14 16:48:21 · answer #3 · answered by mrpeachycat 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but any marriage will struggle when you live at home! I've been married for almost 9yrs now and we just recently moved back into my mom's house too. IT IS LIKE HELL!! I know exactly what you're going through.
I don't think there's necessarily one person who is at fault here. In this situation, the best advice I could give you is to be very patient and understanding... and get away from the house and your husband for a while if you just need a break from it all. Try sitting down with your husband and talking to him about everything. Let him know that you are very thankful for what his family is doing for the two of you, but it's also not easy living with someone you don't really get along with. His mom needs to understand that you two are married and need your private space too. Walking right into the bedroom is definitely NOT OK for her to do! Try talking with his mom and letting her know that even though you are living in her house, your bedroom is like your own little "house" so she needs to atleast knock before entering. Would she just walk into someone else's front door to their home?
I hope things get better for you and your husband soon. I know how hard it is to be living at home, especially when you are married. If you have any more questions feel free to email me. Or even if you just need a friend who knows what you are going through to talk with sometimes, email me! Sometimes you just need to take time out for just yourself. No being at home. No being around your husband. Just by yourself. Do something that helps you unwind and destress. Hang in there!
2007-07-14 16:57:55 · answer #4 · answered by impossiblemama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely feel your pain..when my hubby and I were newlyweds we lived with his parents for a little over a year and I thought it would drive me crazy and to divorce.(it almost did both!) Sit down and have a chat with your hubby about it, he needs to get a job until he can get the visa,to maybe save for a place you two can have to yourself until the move, even if its a shack. The mother should respect your privacy and if she doesn't, put a lock on the door. With his mommy doing it all for him, he will not start acting like a grown man until he is away from her, so focus on doing whatever you can to speed things up so you can get out. You could always go back to your home country and leave him there while he waits for the visa but use that as last resort. I wish I could offer more help, just hang in there, try not to let the mother get to you...its your marriage and life, not hers. Good luck and best wishes.
2007-07-14 16:53:04 · answer #5 · answered by no longer here 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man should leave his mother and stick with his wife, they should be one and no one should be able to come in between that, if you are a religeous person it's in the bible,if not it makes sense. Unfortunatley you are in a rough position. It is very kind that your in-laws have beeen nice enough to allow you to live in their home, at the same time the marriage is between you and your husband, and he should be working, and preparing the both of ya'll to get out of the situation you are in.
2007-07-14 16:42:37 · answer #6 · answered by reggie29 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a lot older than you. He doesn't have a job. He is still living at home. He listens to Mum before he listens to you. The marriage is doomed if the situation doesn't change soon.
2007-07-14 17:03:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be assertive and tell her to knock, before entering your bedroom. You should tell him to be more of a husband, not have his mother tell him. Learn the language and get your self a job and save the money to move out since he isn't doing it. You can't change him, but you can change what you are doing.
2007-07-14 16:44:49 · answer #8 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl please you and your husband need some privacy I understand what your going trough you need to talk to your husband seriously and tell him how much this is bothering you and that you want a change in living arraignments. This is something that almost everybody has gone trough and few people can take. Your marriage is at risk here, you need to talk to him and demand a change. or you know what's next your marriage is over. I recommend marriage counseling. good luck.
2007-07-14 17:37:46 · answer #9 · answered by boricua_2290 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've been together for 6 years, married how long?
So the first 5 years were ok? If so, that should tell you it's time to leave mama's house.....either with or without him.
2007-07-14 17:09:21 · answer #10 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋