my wife is my life and she is my soul mate and we have been together for over 10 years how do i give her space

Question

i love my wife more than life itself we have had some problems in the past and have always found a way to get through them and still have a strong bond but this time there is a chill in the air and we both have issues that we need to work on. months ago she wanted me to go to see some body and try to find a answer, and i told her we could figure this out but we went along and i thought that we were ok but then i got blind sided and she tells me she needs some time and space to think, now she goes to school and works and i stand behind her 100% and am there for her in what ever way she needs. i do every thing around the house so all she has to do is come home and relax. i try to have something for her to eat when she gets here. i feel that she still loves me and wants our bond to get better i have faced my problems and have corrected them. i found out that i had diebtes and that was a root to alot going on with me. i joined a gym and work out a few times a week and i have lost 22 pounds

Answer 1

You wnat to keep the relationship yet you turned down her advice on counseling? GO. And, good for you on losing the weight! Please, ask her again about counseling...

Answer 2

I have been married for 15 years. there are ups and downs of marriage. we have been thru them too. the cheating, the lies, the space thing..... it is hard. marrriage is like a job... you have to constantly work at it. weight is not always a factor unless you are morbidly obese. you need to step back and reflect on where you were 10 yrs ago and where you want to be 10 yrs from now. my best advice is go to marriage counseling. if you can not afford that you will need to find a way to communicate. that is the biggest thing in a marriage... you might THINK that you know what the other person is thinking or feeling but u really don't. sometimes it is hard to tell someone the truth. we talk at night when the kids are in bed and the lights are off. no disruptions. ppl can change.. it is hard and for the other person it is hard to believe they did change. sorry for the length. marriage is important and very hard work. there are times that it is 50-50 and other times that it is 70-30. good luck, keep trying, and dont give up!

Answer 3

Okay I've been with my wife for over 10 years as well, and like everyone, there's problems in a relationship. She to wanted to go to a marriage consulor to work out the problems. I know our problems and what we need to do to make them work. But in my eyes, I don't need to pay someone to tell me what I already know what I have to change. BUT the point is your wife is asking you to try and by not going to seek help you are not supporting her.

As far as giving her space, it seems you 2 hardly see eachother as it is. Maybe you guys should actually try to fun things with the time you have so your wife will want to spend time with you instead of needing space. Maybe go out to a movie, romantic night out, take her with you to the gym, get a massage together, have flowers for her when she comes home. Do something maybe 1-2x a week. Light the spark that got you together in the first place.

Answer 4

One of the best things you can do to save your marriage and get to the root of the problem is to get ( Professional Help ) and not be ashamed of it. None of us know the answer to every thing and having been married for that length of time of ten years, is not some thing you want to throw away at all.

You both need help and as you mention of having problems in the past which might be a good way to try and figure out why you both have that ( Chill ) you mention.

Answer 5

I get the feeling that the problems all lie on her side because you're the perfect husband.

Something is going on here, and it's not in your post.

She asked you to see a dr. or counselor, you didn't do it.

I wonder if there's another person involved here.

Usually in situations like this I would say to woo her like you were dating again. In your case, I think you should call her every day for at least a few minutes. Ask her what she needs from you before you can get back together and do it. Let her know you still love her and want her back.

Answer 6

You sound like a sweet and wonderful man. Any woman would be thankful and blessed to have a husband like you. However, every marriage hits dips and bumps. I think you should suggest counseling for the both of you before its too late. When a woman says she needs space its a really bad sign. My husband and I broke down and went and got counseling, and I'm telling you, it was the best thing we could have ever done. We are stronger as individuals and as a couple. I can't stress to you enough how good it will be for the both of you. Please talk to her about it. You'll both be glad you did.

Answer 7

hhm space, the wild final frontier. You are doing alot for her and you are very much choosing to show your love. school can be very stressful. possibly make a study area for her, with lots of lighting at a desk. have some fresh flowers there on the desk. she does need time to study, work and relax. stay close as possible emotionally, tell her in little ways like with notes on the desk space that you love her immensely. possibly make a nice bubble bath for her on the nights she can stay up late or sleep in. it appears you need to not smother her with too much affection. be there, do what you are doing, make casseroles for her so she can eat if she wants to. Most important keep taking care of yourself, its a hurdle for the two of you to keep your time management and love life together. find little celebrations of your
love together that maybe will give her some time for reflection.
Lite some candles for the dinner table leave a note on the empty plate that you left some food for her, then be in bed or making a bath, give her some choices for the evening to unwind. be there but dont disapear.
above all do not cheat. email me if you want anymore help.

Answer 8

Wow! Sounds like you have done all that you can on your part. Maybe your wife really does need some time and space, but don't allow her to take decade or so to decide. Seems by what you say she has time and space... Have you thought about giving her a time frame to see what direction she wants to go? You sound like a keeper and she should know how blessed she is. Hope everything works out for you.

Answer 9

Well you should see a councilor and find out just what kind of space she wants. Then work out a plan that will make you both happy.
School can be very stressful and there are times when I was in school (college) I just wanted to get get away from it all.

Answer 10

Maybe, even though you think that what you are doing is helping her and supporting her, she feels that it is overcrowding her. I would slack off on fixing her meals, and cleaning. Let her come home to do this and maybe just surprise her with these things once in a while. If my husband was always cleaning I would go crazy that is my job I like to do it, and sometimes when he isn't looking I go behind him and do it all over again. It's just in me to do those things. I still work, have 3 kids to tend to, and enjoy my life.

Answer 11

Don't crowd her or your smothering her with too much affection.
A marriage takes a balance to work and all the elements are added to make that cake just perfect.
If you put too much flour in a cake it will not bake right.

The perfect cookies or cake is made up ingredients that each plays a part, but not over running the other and so in marriage we too must not overrun our bearings with our spouse or you will end up crowding her and smothering her with too much affection.
Take a chill pill and make sure your life is going in the direction you want.
Take up a hobby or something and stay busy in that sense.
BFN