My friend competes with me on everything - women, money, possessions, status... EVERYTHING! It makes him look so insecure and pathetic that it embarrasses me. His girlfriends over the years have talked to me about it - saying he always talks about me, so much, that it freaked them out. He has so much going for him, he has no reason to be jealous of me or my life. I'm very popular amongst our mutual friends and in the community, so I think that causes some of his resentment. Recently, I've been going through some big changes and have been needing a friend. He will only be there for me if it makes him look good.
I'm feeling like giving up on him. We've been friends for 10 years, but he feels toxic.
I spoke with him about all this, but he blew it off, saying he loved me and that I was just being a baby.
What would you do?
2007-07-14 08:58:16 · 13 answers · asked by ? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Hi friend...
Your buddy has insecurities that are bigger than your friendship. It is the tip of the iceberg I believe.
You will not be able to fix it, and it is likely he is unaware of how bad the problem is....
If his girlfriends (I take it they are ex's) are telling you....then he is obsessed with you for some reason. Could be that he had a dad like that, could be his dad put him down, could be that he is gay (yes, it is possible). You don't know.
But a friend who isn't there when you need them is not a friend. What you are is HIS friend.
You do not have to give official notice that the friendship is dropped, that is too polite. But I would suggest dropping it down to the notch of acquaintance. That means ...be a friend if it is convenient for you. That is what he is for you.
I know it is sad...but fact of life dictate that friends change with circumstances. He is not really being your friend. What are you getting from him??
Think long and hard.
You can tell him you are having issues. Perhaps share if you feel in touch with your sensitive side. But the facts remain...would he do it for you?
You don't have to know the reason, just maintain equal standards. He needs to give what he asks for.
Knowing someone for 10 years does not a friend make.
2007-07-14 12:36:21 · answer #1 · answered by kishoti 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I were you, I'd keep up the friendship...but don't be as close to this man as you were before. He obviously has some insecurities that he needs to get over so he needs some friends, but you don't have to be best friends. I suggest that you be casual friends, and don't expect him to have your back no matter what...because he won't.
Good luck with this one!
And I'm sure you have a bunch of other TRUE friends.
2007-07-14 09:05:20 · answer #2 · answered by Jess 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i might drop her and not look back. you are able to not believe her. do you already know the version between a chum and an acquaintance? a chum will do something for you, even however there is not something in it for them, and whether it value them something. Acquaintance won't. This gal is an acquaintance. Regards, Dan
2016-09-30 00:07:55 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no guarantee that each person who comes into our lives will remain close to us forever. We are here to learn from one another; to teach one another. If you have nothing more to learn from him or to teach him, it is time to let him go. If he does nothing but drain your energy, it is time to let him go.
I suspect that a great deal of his identity is tied up in being your friend. If he is not your friend, he has no idea who he is. He is lost and searching. As long as you are around, he will search no further. You might try limiting your exposure to him to give him the chance to figure out just exactly who he is without you. It will be tough on him, but something that he needs.
2007-07-14 09:05:01 · answer #4 · answered by friendlyadvice 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i know exactly how you feel! I have a "friend" who's a lot like that, too. maybe even worse! She even tries to get some other people to not like me, but she denies it all! i told her to stop all the annoying things she did to me or i wouldn't be her friend anymore. Everyone else says that she obsesses over me! i know, it's scary! She even told me that i was her "idol" once! Anyways, she was desperate! She said she wouldn't do any annoying things anymore but she still did. And everytime she did something mean, i ignored her, didn't talk to her, or even let her near me. She begged for forgiveness!!! maybe it'll work for you?
2007-07-14 09:07:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just try to make him uderstand how you feel...Friends sometimes do thinghs without noticing...He has to understand that a lil competition is okay sometimes but not to get caried away...I dont think you should end a friendship over that though...Try talkin to him one more time...
2007-07-14 09:02:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to get away from him. If he feels toxic, then he is. Get some distance between the two of you.
2007-07-14 09:02:02 · answer #7 · answered by kiwi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok first of all youre not being a baby, that happened to me, you know what I did? I competed too real well, I just hate her but I stayed strong and I won the competition, then I broke my friendship with her. She was soooo guilty!!!
2007-07-14 09:02:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
guess wat i lik 2 compete wit my friend 2 bout pretty much evrythin. specially when we play ball. i guess it 's just my nature but at the end of the day it's all love no big deal. to me competion just help to challenge ourselves and make progress, there shouldn't be a bad feelings bout it . tks
2007-07-14 09:04:16 · answer #9 · answered by banks 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take a break. tell him you need space for a while. and if u ever feel like it maybe you can be friends again.
2007-07-14 09:02:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋