My husband cheated on me...........?

Question

he told me about it and I stayed with him. Now because of his cheating he lost his job...because she was an associate and he was her supervisor. Anyway now I work full time. I was a Stay at home mom b4. I love my husband but I don't know what to do. I don't have my doubts about him, but it's something I always think about. He has put a lot of stress on us and I hate him for that. What do I do?

Answer 1

Seek counseling. Make him go back to work.

Answer 2

Dear Heart cheating is always a bad thing. Please take the advice of others and get some counseling, Don't make the mistake I did of trying to rough it out. While I forgave I never really could forget. Not dealing with the situation made me become bitter and angry all the time. That is not what you need especially after you two try to make a go of it. I thought I could handle it but it got to the point if stayed at the store too long I was pissed. Not healthy. He had to go. Search yourself. Only you know what you can and can not take. Make the decision to stay because there is something to hold on to . Don't base your choices on anything else other than the two hearts in your household. That's where the counseling comes in. A certain amount of anger is acceptable, you are hurt. My prayers are with you for an outcome acceptable to both of you.

Answer 3

First off, my dear, take that word " Hate " out of your mind because it will only destroy not build up.
Basically " cheating " is what it is ( need to clarify this for your sake), an affair, a running away from a present problem. Never gets a person anywhere, only mires the person in his own hole. Why cheat, basically a man cheats because he becomes panicky about his masculinity (middle age), or the marriage has become commonplace or boring.
Adultery is stress, my dear, for the both of you, its humiliation at it's worst. Thankfully you do not mention revenge, as that's another insult to the marriage bed. The guilt and shame and loss of integrity is very real. Can a man hold fire to his chest and not be burned? " The man who commits adultery is an utter fool " (Proverbs 6:27,32).
But, my dear, your not alone in saying that you can't seem to forget it, you may have forgiven him, but you simply can't forget it. But when it comes down to it your not really forgiving him at all if you can't forget about it.
What's needed here is healing, a healing action on the wound that will cure the infection and take out the pain. So that when the incident comes to mind, you don't have to live it all over again. What's past is past, it can't be undone. But it's effect on you can be fantastically changed -by forgiveness, true forgiveness.
True forgiveness has wonderful healing powers. It restores eyesight; you'll suddenly see yourselves much more clearly. The person who cannot forgive must be blind to his own faults. You'd think he'd never done anything wrong that needed forgiveness. But when you truly see yourselves more clearly, you'll discover that others have been quietly forgiving you. And every day your partner has been overlooking faults that you've hardly ever noticed. Forgiveness will also help you see your partner more clearly.
Unforgiveness, on the other hand, distorts everything. Faults are magnified out of proportion, while all your good points are blurred into oblivion.
Then the healing will occur. Until the rift is mended, forgiveness is not complete. Forgiveness is total acceptance. This includes acceptance of the injury and of the suffering -and acceptance of the one who caused the suffering.
To forgive is to give one-self, without asking nothing in return. It is to love where to hate would be the natural response. It pardons the one who deserves only punishment. It frees him from the burden of guilt.
I truly believe your husband is repantent, because he came clean to you. So it's entirely up to you to do what's necessary to build up your relationship. It won't happen in one day, but by applying it daily. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 4

Ok well I see quite a few issues here.

Not only did your hubby cheat, he cheated with a woman that is his subordinate at work. This shows tremendous dissrepect not only to your marriage, but the trust that his employer put in him to keep his zipper shut! I know where I live employers can give only dates and salary as a reference, however, your husband has seriously been labeled a "pig" in the industry he is in.

That being said, I am SURE you are probably terrified of him going back to work, because you probably think he is going to boink the next airhead that works for him...I certainly don't blame you for that. It sucks that you had to but the "big boy pants on" and get out there to support your family, but doesn't that tell you something? Your hubby knew he was jeopardizing his 1) MARRIAGE and his 2) JOB to support his family and his 3) ABILITY TO GET ANOTHER good job TO SUPPORT HIS KIDS (like I said, not sure how this travels in the employment grapevine.)

So, IF I were you, and I am so sorry for your situation, I probably would have to walk. Your hubby's actions is a serious call for help and without counseling for BOTH of you nothing will progress. I really think what he did sucks and it must have been pretty bad for him to get fired.......

I mean you are really at a crossroads here. I really don't think you leaving him and imminent child support is going to give him much motivation to get another job paying the same salary (and your income now gets taken into account on how much you will get) however, if he was even out of work for a week (hey sweep the floors at Mc Donald's if you have to!) I would be kicking his butt OUT!

You say you love him but you hate him...man, doesn't that feeling SUCK? When I have felt it, usually I was out the door within that year....

GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND YOUR BABIES!!!!!!

Answer 5

Cheating in a relationship is a red flag that there is something amiss emotionally within the "cheater". I am not of the school that believes "once a cheater, always a cheater" --- however, such behavior is usually a symptom of self-esteem issues. In your case, the loss of his job and your needing to go back to work, has likely compounded the problem within your spouse. Shooting from the hip on day-to-day issues is not going to determine your spouses' core problem or do anything to resolve what spiked his action to begin with...counseling is required. Now to you. You are an entirely different issue. You, too, would benefit greatly from counseling as his behavior has impacted your life in more then the obvious ways and you will find some of your own issues surfacing in the wake of this turmoil........Be Introspective -- Madison from: [e-mail]

Answer 6

Keep doing what you are doing iit is very admirable.In the meantime your husband should seek a new job because idle hands are not good.He needs to get work because it will be better for both of you. You said you dont have doubts and that is good .I hope you come through this together and your stress load reduces. Hang in there I know it sucks right now .This will pass for both of you.

Answer 7

You need counseling to get through this. You probably need individual counseling for you and you might want to go as a couple as well.

It sounds like you might not have fully forgiven him. Or that you need to forgive him the indirect consequences in your life (you not being able to stay home & him losing his job).

Talk with him about your feelings. Tell him your frustrations and fears. Be open. Let him know that you trust him, but you're having some difficulty with the repercussions of his infidelity.

Answer 8

This probably isn't going to be very popular but I don't care. It concerns me that so many people give destructive, unhealthy answers on this site. There are no cute little phrases or standard answers that work in every situation. You have a terrible situation that you are in and are clearly in pain. You don't need to be on Yahoo! Listen to those who have advised you to get lots of marriage counseling. You have made a difficult decision to stay with your husband. It would not have been easy to leave him either. But this is your decision and you need help and support from someone who knows what they are talking about and knows how to help.

I will share with you my personal circumstances: My husband and I have been married only a few years but almost immediately after we married, he did things that jeopardized our marriage, our finances and our health. It took a lot of tears, pain, therapy and even a bankruptcy for us to come out on the other side stronger. I didn't have to stay with him but I made the choice to for several reasons. After I did, so many people criticized me and made my life miserable because I decided to stay. When I needed their emotional support the most, they turned on me and kicked me when I was down. You deserve better than that. You deserve someone to emotionally support you and help you make sense of things. Please seek marital counseling and possibly your own therapy as soon as possble.

Answer 9

The stress is understandable but It isn't the end of the world even though it may seem to be at this time. Salvage your marriage if you can and don't try to get even that will only pour gasoline on the fire. Always remember that anyone can make a mistake and there is hope as long as there is life.

Answer 10

If he isn't cheating anymore, give him a chance. He will get back on his feet. Most men don't like their wife to work while they stay home. As long as he is willing or even looking for a job, eventually he will find something. Of course there is going to be stress but if it is a money thing, it will pass. My husband worked for years on really crappy pay and we made it through. I was at home because we couldn't stand the thought of having our kids at a daycare while I worked. Things turned out ok.

Answer 11

i too went through this cheating thing a few years back, but i divorced him because i knew in my heart i could never get past this, because he chose what he did, he chose her over me, and it did something to my ego and how i felt about myself, in the relationship. so after he cheated on me i could never go back to the place the marriage had been, so i left it, it was hard, i spent years hurting, but today realize i did the best thing. he disrespected u and put the family in jeopardy, u do have doubts, only don't want to admit it, this is something that people just don't get over that easy. u will feel alot of resentment because your whole life has changed because of his choices. if u decide to remain with him u will need some therapy.