ive been seperated now for 4 months but i still think of my husband everyday????

Question

we ended our marriage on bad terms i have a pfa on him for 18 months he was abusive and i em alot happier without the stress but why do i still think about him i did love him very much or i would not of married him we where very close at one time but things fell apart i heard he lost alot of weight over our split and is drinken alot and i still care do u think he thinks of me even though we cant see each other ty so much for your input and neither one of us have filed for a divorce jewels

Answer 1

just because someone treated u badly doesn't mean u don't still love them, u will probably love him forever, but u don't ever stay where your abused and hurt. your depressed, due to the loss of an important part of your life, part of u, it hurts to loose ourselves, and we do when we loose someone we loved who was in our life, that part is gone now. he may still love u too, it is hard to breakup and loose someone u believed u would be with forever. abusive men may be sorry, even show remorse, but seldom do they ever change for the better.

Answer 2

Sounds like what you are feeling is very normal. It's sad that your marriage ended on bad terms, but it also sounds like you did the right thing by getting out. Look at it this way, you can "love" something even if it isn't right, love is a feeling, not something that we can control. The "love" will fade eventually, as you move on and as you learn that you are better off without the abusive relationship. You are in a fragile state right now, and you have to realize that you can't allow yourself to think about him all the time, because that will lead you back to him and back to that bad relationship. Get out, move on and take the step yourself, file for that divorce. Good luck.

Answer 3

Make a list of things you hated about him and then on the opposite page a list of things you liked about him. Depending on which list is long you have two choices:

1. If the list of things you hated about him is longer than the one you liked about him then go to a Beach and roll the paper into a ball and throw it in the ocean with all your might. And when you come back home take a long shower, light a candle and call an old friend or drive yourself to a singles bar.
2. If the list of things you liked about him is longer then prepare a nice dinner and give him a call and invite him over. The rest will take care of itself.

Answer 4

it sounds like the relationship was something called "co-dependent".

co-dependency fits with a relationship that is initially close, but turns abusive, in fact, that pattern is almost built into co-dependency.

it also fits someone who would drink and "fall apart" a little when a relationship ended.

and co-dependency is also something that develops into a pattern that's hard to break with the same couple. if you got back together, it might be okay, or even great initially, but it would get back to misery pretty soon.

you can do much better.

unfortunately, you'll probably drift towards another co-dependent relationship unless you study up on it.

what you want to try for is something called "inter-dependence". it's much healthier, with much less drama. look it up on the internet, read a book, see a therapist, whatever : ) and if you latch on to this, your next relationship will be much happier.

oh, and file a divorce. before you do something dumb like invite him back. : ]

co-dependence feels great at first, the emotions are very strong, but eventually it turns to drama.

good luck!

Answer 5

I've been divorced for a long time & have since remarried, I still think of my ex, but, only how selfish he was for treating me the way he did, running around, smacking me around, etc.I. to loved him, when I married him, alot, but I'm not anyones punching bag, nor am I wanting to get AID'S from him messing around . The man I am now married to treats me with respect, we have a great relationship & I feel safe & secure.This is MUCH better, & you my dear, can do Much better, forget about him & move on...

Answer 6

When you are married to someone obviously you see and talk to them every day, for years. Something that was such a huge part of your life for so long is not going to just pop out of your mind because it's legally over.

Honey, you need some help ASAP. Get counseling to help with the depression and the drinking (it only makes the depression worse) and give yourself some time to grieve the loss of this and get on with life.

Answer 7

What you need to do is close this chapter of your life and begin a new and better one. If he is absive, he will always be abusive. Nothing you can say or do will change that. He will have to want to change that on his own.

I don't think you miss him...what is miss is what you think you two could've had.

Move on and start a new life. You'll be better with that in the long run.

Answer 8

What's love got to do with it?? Don't get all mushy and lonely and start missing him...You said it, he was abusive and you are better off. Take up a new sport or hobby. Meet some new people have some fun and don't forget why you guys split.

Answer 9

This is not love it's dominance.
Abuse is about a cycle. And control. Go to the link and read about abuse.
I hope you do not fall victim again.
If you go back it will be much worse then it was before.
Get educated on what is going and see how you can and must get help.
Good luck

Answer 10

i think it's only natural to miss a person. I also think you are addicted the drama of that relationship if you think you want him back. You only need to ask yourself if he was REALLY the LONG term kinda partner you wanted? You really want to be abused? i would guess no that's why ya left right? THEY ARE EX'S for good reasons yeah u might miss/ love him but, do it from A FAR.