Sad that its a baby girl, pls help?

Question

Ok I went for my fifteen week scan today and found out its a girl. Instantly I was dissapointed because i'd set my heart on having a boy. This is my first so I really shouldnt care either way except to be grateful that I can conceive and have a healthy baby! I feel ashamed and guilty because I wanted a child so badly and now to nit pick over the gender seems bad when there are so many women who'd love to have a child regardless. I dont know how to deal with this dissapointment and how to carry on...I've cried and felt the loss of a son I was eagerly expecting. I wanted to give my husband a son so badly... I guess if the feelings persist I would see a counsellor because i dont want my pretty girl to face problems because her mama had silly expectations. I wish I could be a 100 percent happy over this. I've lost interest in shopping, thinking of names! this is sad and I feel so guilty too... anyone else like this??

My dad had three girls and from a young age i remember ppl asking my parents if they'd like to have a boy. I dont know if this has something to do with my subconscious needs for a son. pls help me ladies if you can understand what this new mom is going thru!

Thanks a LOT to all of you. I really appreciate that by sharing your stories you made me feel better and lessened the guilt, so that I can resolve it and hopefully snap out of it soon. You have no idea how much your words and empathy has comforted me. I have read all the posts several times just for the strength and hope it gives me.
Its been a few days and I'm over the shock, but still sad. Cant think of names or picking out a dress..... yet.
PS to all those who said I cant give my hubby a son, I think my words were confusing. I meant literally 'give' a son by the process of carrying a baby to term and delivering a son into my hubby's arms... I know about sperms being x and y, lol!

Answer 1

Dont worry. I was in denial too over having a girl...I just about registered for fire truck bedding AND was having dreams that when I delivered it WAS a boy and they were wrong. I think that my denial came from the relatinship I had with my mom...or should I say the lack there of.

Now I have a 2 yr old beautifull little girl! We play dress up and paint our nails....she does my hair....I coulndt ask for more! Each day I love her more and more and I am not kidding. I, now, am THRILLED to have a little girl and am sometimes even HAPPY that I didnt have a boy....I dont want one now....I want my little girl!

This too will happen for you..I promise! You will love her more than you can imagine. BTW, I wasnt in instant love either. I took me time to get to know her before I was head over heels for her.

I think all your feelings are normal and at this point you dont need counseling...unless these feelings keep intesifying.

Enjoy your pregnancy!!

Answer 2

Hi, first of all congratulations. I had a girl first, then a boy. Both are great teenagers now. Because you are open about your feelings, I think you will be fine. I had a friend once, she was so sure she was having a girl. When she had the baby, it was a boy! Took her and her husband days to pick a name! On a hands on what to do with my feelings? Go some place that you find peaceful. Write or talk out loud to God. If you don't believe in God that's ok. Emotions are just that, emotions. What is the truth? Truth is you are having a baby, boy or girl, this child will change your life for the better! Being a mom is most wonderful!

Answer 3

when i was pregnant with my first child my heart was set on having a boy but i got a girl it was hard for me but at the end of the day we all should be grateful for what we get because if there are many women out there that don't have healthy baby's !i would seek advice know rather than later talk about your feelings get it resolved before you give birth(there is always a small chance they were wrong)but I'm saying this because i was so disappointed i resented my baby and refused to look after her i had post natal depression and could not cope if it was not for my mum that took over and helped me through it i have no real bond with her even now at 9 years old i still don't have the same bond i do with my other kids,don't make my mistakes i love all my kids now and my second child was a boy so it doesn't mean you wont have a boy next time then i had another girl which im so grateful for im expecting my forth baby and am hoping for a boy but if i have another girl so what as long as its healthy i don't care

good luck whatever you have will be a blessing

Answer 4

I know people that have been disappointed when they found out the sex at the scans and they were sad the whole way through their pregnancies but that all changed once they saw their babies for the first time. When you hold your baby girl you will love her more than anything else in the world and it really won't matter to you that she is not a boy. Don't feel bad for feeling this way, at least you are prepared now that the baby is a girl and you only just found out today so give it a few days/weeks and I bet you get used to the idea and will be out buying pink clothes in no time! Congratulations.

Answer 5

It natural to be a little disapointed when you have set yourself up for a certainexpectation, but dont obsess over it. A baby is a blessing, no matter the gender, and your husband will have a great time with a daughter. But you need to pull yourself out of this funk soon. Go shopping, get some pink thngs!!! I have a son, and another boy on the way, so I was a little sad that this baby was not a girl, but we just said that maybe we will have a 3rd in a few years and try for a girl!

Answer 6

With my first pregnancy I was desperate for a girl - I had an emergency c-section at 33 weeks and upon coming round from the anesthetic I was told it was a boy - to which I replied " what like a girl?". I was devestated I couldnt imagine having a boy. After about a month of caring for him I had no issues.

I am now expecting my second and really want another boy, not a girl, in fact I have issues that it will be a girl!!

What I am saying is you will learn to love it no matter the gender, it is in our genetic make up to. The fact that you're asking the question on here shows you are a caring person....dont worry it will happen for you (bloody hell it did for me!)

best of luck to you xxxx

Answer 7

I recently went through this myself. I had my scan at 19 weeks and just layed there and cried through the remainder of the test after they told us it was a boy. I don't think my poor husband expected me to have that much of a melt down (nor did I!!). Much like yourself, on top of the dissappointment, I felt horrible guilt and shame for feeling so selfish and not getting what I wanted. Give it a couple of weeks. I'm at 25 weeks now and completely over it and very excited about my baby boy. This is our 2nd child, our 1st is a boy, and I just keep focused on how much joy he brings to my life. If in 2-3 weeks you are still having difficulty you may want to consider counselling, but I think for some people this is a normal reaction. Being your first child you cannot even begin to imagine the love you will feel for this child, regardless of gender!

I also want to thank you for posting this question. I was feeling a little alone on this one!

Answer 8

The fact that you understand that these feeling are there and kind of silly says right off you don't need counseling! Don't feel bad...I have three beautiful girls whom I love beyond explanation and still I'm sad I don't have a son. My feelings of emptiness for a little boy has never been directed at my Little ones!
I cried for months when I found out my second was a girl and was in total shock when I learned my third was a girl!! Naturally, I will try one more time, (my clock is ticking, I'm 30!) If I never have a boy, oh well! guess I'm ment to raise little women!
good luck!

Answer 9

Honey don't beat yourself up, it's okay. Ultrasounds aren't 100% correct when predicting gender, so there's every chance it could be wrong, and even if it isn't, you will LOVE that baby anyway, take my word for it.

Ever since my first boy died at birth, and my second boy was born with a disability, I've longed to have another son. Instead I've had three girls since. Instead of being disappointed, I've adored and cherished them anyway. I love my girls fiercely and so will you.

Of course you will feel a little sad, and even grieve a little over the loss of your son, even if he did just exist in your imagination, that's just natural, but once your baby is born, you'll fall in love with her so completely that you'll look back on this period and wonder what all your fuss was about. In the meantime, give yourself a little time to feel sad about the loss of your son without feeling guilty.

Besides, you can always try again, like me! :-)

Answer 10

its completely normal!! i have wanted a girl desperately, and have 2 boys; havent found out #3 yet. the feelings will pass in time; i may take you some time though; when we found out the last was another boy, i cried at the scan, i cried for a few days, and eventually got over it. just something to cheer you too, at 15 weeks, they could have been wrong as well. my u/s tech didnt even want to look at 17 weeks b/c she said its still early and hard to tell; the outside genitalia onyl really develop enough to be seen by u/s around 14 weeks, so it is possible you may still have your little boy; ive also seen and heard of numerous occasions where parents were told girl all throughout pregnancy and was born a boy. lol, i kept that faith all through my pregnancy last time, hoping "he" would really come out a "she"! even if it wasnt wrong, dont worry; even if you hold the sadness your entire pregnancy (as long as it doesnt make you depressed or feel really bad) once that little girl is in your arms, youll be willing to give the world for her. congrats, and good luck!