My boyfriend who is now my ex boyfriend says he loves me but he needs to be there for his son so we decided to break things off between us. He has a son which he does not yet know in person and well, he wants to be there for his son so, he decided to marry his son's mom for his son's sake not loving his son's mom. Do you think he is making the right choice even though he loves me???
2007-07-14 07:36:07 · 18 answers · asked by Blessed 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I understand you hurt & angry you have the right to be. Don't go back with him. He marry the son's mother for the wrong reason. Marriage should be about love. Lots of people get marrry because the woman is pregant or have a child together. I don't think it right. The child is being used as weapon tool. He does have the right to be there for his son.He has a moral responsible to do this. It to many men already don't take care of their children. Boys need a male role in their life if it is positive. If you have a probably with a man being there for his children. You very selfish & don't need to be with men that has children esp. if they are under 18. I don't know if you are a parent but remeber if you does this to someone else children remember it will come back on you. You never know will you have a stepparent for your children. You may not have children now but you may have them in the future. Children should not be involved in adults' problems. I hated when people do this. Children will not stay be young forever. The child mother's probably use this to get back even with you. It none of your business none of your problem. It their. That why I told you be very careful dealing with someone that has children in their past relationships. The other parent usually use childrens as a tool of manipulative. At the same time it nothing wrong with having a man that has children but you need to know this within the first 3 dates to see if you want to deal with this. Good luck.
2007-07-14 07:50:31 · answer #1 · answered by tasha 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He seems lost.............
If he is telling you the truth and is in love with you and does not love his baby's mom, he is making the wrong decision.
Staying with the other parent of a child is not in the best interest of the child. He can still be there for the child and support him fully without being married to his mom.
Now unless the mother has somehow manipulated him in someway that the only way he can see his son is to marry her.
He seems to be in a tough spot. What he is doing is wrong for the childs welfare if there is no love in the relationship. You need to show him that you are there and support him fully if you have chosen to still be friends. Don't push him into being with you but let him know that you do care.
He needs to speak to someone to get some help with the situation whether its a counselor of some sort a lawyer to see what he can do to be in his childs life anything.
The son is not going to grow up with good values and morals if he sees his parents in a loveless relationship. Especially if he ever hears that they are only together for him. And they don't care for each other.
2007-07-14 15:40:45 · answer #2 · answered by jennbabe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Blessed,
What your ex-bf is dealing with is guilt. He put the cart before the horse and had a child with a fling instead of with a wife. Yes, I know he didn't love her. Too many guys are looking for sex and not caring about the girl they are using as their sexual urinal. However, he got tapped to be the daddy and he is stepping up and taking his responsibility seriously. He may not love the mom, but he already loves his child. I'm glad he is trying to do the right thing at this late date.
Don't mess with this situation. You are well out and don't need to look back...for your own sake and for the baby yet to come. Say, goodbye and find someone else. There WILL be another and, hopefully, there won't be any complications in the 'daddy department.' I know it hurts to start over with someone else, but you do not really have a choice if you are to behave with dignity and responsibility. Once his vows are taken, he is a married man and off limits to you. Wish him well and look somewhere else for the love of your life. He's out there waiting for you somewhere. Pray for him every night and ask God to guide you to him.
Good luck, Sweetie. You'll do. :)
2007-07-14 14:50:33 · answer #3 · answered by Peanut 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No he is not making the right decision. He can well be a part of his son's life without marrying his son's mother. He may grow to resent her later for feeling like he was trapped even though this was his decision. This will affect his son more negatively than if he had never been a part of his son's life. I do agree that he should be there for him though. If he moves closer to where his son lives and is a part of his life everyday to at least once a week it will have a more positive impact for all involved. He will be free to marry anyone that he chooses and will not feel trapped. He really should reconsider his actions.
2007-07-14 14:43:55 · answer #4 · answered by firemouse23 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't want to sound rude , but the best thing you can do is stop going out with this man , after all when is son gets older and understands things he knows his dad going out with some other woman not his mom really . So don't destroy a child's love for his parents .
2007-07-14 14:46:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
One thing a lot of people do is marry people for their children's sake and its going to end up in one huge big mistake. You should be in love with somebody when you marry them or you're making a mockery of marriage.
I think hes making a mistake. There is always a way to be there for a child without being with the other partner.
I can't imagine how your feeling right now.
2007-07-14 14:41:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How to put this gently...
He told you what he thought would be the gentlest thing to say to break up. He wanted to be with his son's mom, and not you. At the same time, he didn't want to hurt your feelings, thus the story about everything being for the kid.
And now I just undid all his work, but I think it's better you know.
2007-07-14 14:40:43 · answer #7 · answered by Diminati 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i find tat it is very funny. cos if a guy doesn't love the person at all they will not marry that person.
so sorry if i have hurt you by saying this. maybe he doesn't love you at all, he could be playing with your feeling.
or you can say if he really is for his son's sake tat he marry his son's mom. Do you think tat marry will last long?
Or if he really love you, he still can be with you without marry his son's mom.
2007-07-14 14:43:06 · answer #8 · answered by see s 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No. Being with someone for the sake of the kid is not good enough. It sends the wrong message to the child. I am thinking he is in love with boy's mom and wants to be with her and not you.
2007-07-14 14:42:58 · answer #9 · answered by harleychic 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He he loved you enough to marry you, he'd be married to you instead of her. Sounds like you are the "on the side" thing and that you gave him alot of pleasure. He enjoys you, not the same as loves you. sorry
2007-07-14 14:39:59 · answer #10 · answered by Happy1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋