Seemingly walking
Alone in this world
I am not talking
My tears say the words
Emotions that haunt me
Test what I can endure
But they cannot break me
I am strong enough
Im sure
And the pain i'm awaiting
To flee from inside
Leaves a deep scare
To hidieous to hide
2007-07-14 07:25:31 · 6 answers · asked by IslandOfApples 6 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
critiscism welcome
2007-07-14 07:25:57 · update #1
Well, it's not bad, but you could fill it in a little bit more. Meanwhile, let's make some typo corrections:
I'm, not Im
I'm, not i'm
scar, not scare
Too, not To
You might also try,
"No need in talking" instead of "I am not talking"
and I'd get rid of the line break between "enough" and "I'm sure"
Try those revisions and see how it looks and sounds. I like this one.
2007-07-16 19:49:26 · answer #1 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm. very trite. i think you need to flesh it out a bit more. poems are meant to be rewritten and i'm really not sure what you're trying convey, but one other rule you should know about poems; don't write the emotion, make the emotion felt, drag it out and take it by the throat.
2007-07-14 23:18:43 · answer #2 · answered by jazzpoetmonk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Beautiful simple poem. I really like it. Try deviantart.com for a more detailed analysis.
2007-07-14 14:29:15 · answer #3 · answered by Crashovdr 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
are you looking for someone to finish this poem or just opinions? confusing but beautiful poem
2007-07-14 14:37:44 · answer #4 · answered by fijihunkinca 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
B_E_A utiful. That is a excellent poem. You will go far.
2007-07-14 14:35:23 · answer #5 · answered by <3Mariah<3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its beautiful i would leave it as it is, you have a gift that's for sure!!!
Good Luck/Keep It Up!!
2007-07-14 14:55:33 · answer #6 · answered by little.miss.hot.lips 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋