Poem
Hopeless Romantic
Theres no need for you to notice
I'll still wait for you here in silence
I don't mind if you don't care
But I'll still try to make the doorway sympathetic and have you there when I open it again
It's okay if you just think of me as another friend
Still the window might be nice and let me glimpse you one last time
I'm okay with a distance but I'm still hoping the mirror will show me with you
I can try to ignore you
But I'll still wish that this time my blurry eyes will show you at my doorstep
Maybe you don't care
I'll still try to fight the dark with visions of your face
Fight it all you want
But I'll still wait with all my heart
And why
2007-07-14 05:19:07 · 15 answers · asked by Shy poet 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Nice :) I always envy writers. Not my talent, but I can appreciate yours!
2007-07-14 05:25:59 · answer #1 · answered by heklheraa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like the attempt at anthropomorphism with the door, window and mirror, but you need to tighten the whole thing up and make it more like the poetic lines, not the prose. Also, the end makes no sense...I feel it should, so you probably need to take a look at it and decide what image or concept you want to leave the reader.
Edit, you have some good stuff in amongst the chaff.
2007-07-18 01:39:02 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The last line didnt make sence to me but otherwice nice job 7/10 Keep Writting!
Check out a poem I wrote called:
Please Read rought draft Tell me what u think?
2007-07-14 13:55:19 · answer #3 · answered by Sh00ting_St@r! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Overall it's nice, but it has a certain "stalker/kinda psycho" feel too it. Some lines seem a bit obsessive you know? But I see the romance and the determination as well.
2007-07-14 12:23:00 · answer #4 · answered by Where is My Mind? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
8 out of 10. Really good
2007-07-14 12:31:26 · answer #5 · answered by geastietheghasta 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That was very good but try to fix your stanzas into fitting with each other. P.S. I love non rhyming poems!
2007-07-14 12:22:21 · answer #6 · answered by sorrowful 13 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
uhm... i think, it depends on how you want your poem to look like, for me, it looks like a free verse, jazzy kinda thing, with no rhyming words and fluid stanzas, but if you want your work to be more of emotion than of mood, try making it a sonnet. sonnets works best for that kind of themes and subjects.
all in all, its pretty jazz baby! (< : )
2007-07-14 12:43:18 · answer #7 · answered by Tikbalang 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah this is nice, because you love her is why you wait, right?
2007-07-14 13:03:08 · answer #8 · answered by Friend 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really like it. (and I'm not just saying that so I'll get best answer)
2007-07-14 12:28:43 · answer #9 · answered by BeautifulDevil 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah it pretty good, it a lot better than anything I can ever write.
: D
2007-07-14 12:22:25 · answer #10 · answered by ♥♥♥♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋