Should I be the first to break the silence?

Question

Basically my mom and dad stay mad at each other and constantly take it out on us, their children. Sometime I wish they would just hurry up and get a divorce already because at least I won't have to endure this stupidity. This last incident really took the cake for me. My mom got mad at my dad about not helping out in the house but cutting the grass for someone else. She took it out on us. Then my dad got mad at my sister for not cooking but started yelling at me telling to shut the **** up and leave if you want to. I hate your nasty attitude. Now there was no way this was about me because I couldn't cook that day (I am severely allergic to fish and it was not my turn to cook)

So now no one is speaking to each other and he walks around like I should be the first to apologize. I mean I am know I am his child and I am living in his house (which is not an excuse for respect) but don't parents need to be taught a lesson to, or is it assumed I should apologize for his own anger?

Answer 1

I grew up in a house like this . If I went and told my dad about it he would have slapped me across the face or worse . I suggest just keep saying to yourself Ill be out of this someday soon and I will never let this happen to my family !

Answer 2

Call a family meeting. Set the rules down be for meeting starts. Rule
1. You have the right to not like what a person is saying but you mush lesson not turn your hearing off or start talking.

2. Everyone gets 5 min. or what ever to talk and can go from oldest to youngest. Person talking will be only person to talk during that time everyone else just lessons. Can have as many rounds as you need

3. Know one is allowed to yell only talk

4. After this meeting if someone takes their madness out on another person that did not do anything wrong that person can pick something that person have to do or give them.

5. No one allowed to go to bed mad. The 2 can talk or just sit and look at each other for 3 days but can't go to bed or asleep mad.

6. The rules apply to everyone the oldest to youngest. If a person starts yelling they have to put like 5% of the money they get each week for the others to use. If dad make like$1,000 a week its a lot. if u have only a alonce or babysitting money not as much money but same percentage

Answer 3

I know this must be very difficult, but you seem to be really intelligent.

Yes, your parents definitely need to be taught a lesson and they will. Right now, they're feeling like failures. Failures with their love, marriage and family. Well, that is so difficult, because I'm sure they didn't expect it to get this bad.

When I was a teenager, my parents were going through a bad time and I wouldn't sit back and watch. I would confront them and ask "What is the problem? Why are you always fighting? Did you fall out of love? Well, instead of fighting and upsetting each other, why don't you grab and kiss each other. You are ruining what was such an excellent relationship! Well, sometimes (not always) they use to look at each other and laugh hysterically. Then I'd say "now kiss her, kiss him! I would drive them crazy, but I always won.

Well, that was about 30 years ago. Yes I'm 45. They are still very happily married and they would do anything for each other. That's my point, you cannot be selfish at a time like this. Your parents might need you right now. Don't put wood to the fire, even though I know you want to slam them in the face. They are taking it out on their children, because they're not getting no where with each other and that's wrong, but don't stoop to their level.

Just keep you chin up. Get your self respect and hug your father and tell him you love him. Tell your mother you love her too. Maybe they'll look at each other and think at least they did something right when they had you.

I wish you all the luck. God Bless

Answer 4

Answer this question for me. Do you want to be right or do you want a happy home? Becoming a mature well rounded adult means you have to learn to back down and maybe apologize even if it was not your fault. Both of your parents sound immature and petty but you have no control over their issues. The only way you can teach your parents a lesson is by becoming the mature one in the house. I'm not saying it is easy and they may say you act as if you are better than them. I am thinking long term solution. If you learn anything from your parents learn how not to behave. Best wishes.

Answer 5

Respect, is something you give if you want to get it. Your parents obviously have issues that they need to resolve, it's unfortunate that they do take it out on you. Someone needs to speak up, and tell your parents how you guys feel, maybe they will come to the realization that they are affecting everyone else by acting like "children". If they are both miserable, before resorting to "divorce" they need to see if they can at least try to work things through. Divorce is an easy way out, but it should be the last resort.

Answer 6

Parents should never include children in adult problems.
Yes, he was wrong.
Yes, he shouldn't have yelled at you kids.
Yes, he should have dealt with the real problem on hand, his marriage.
but how can you change him, you can't.

So you can only do what's best for you.
And if that's sitting down with your parents, when everyone has calmed down, and talking to them about this and how it has made you feel.
Then that's what you should do.
You have to remember by ignoring the problem never makes it go away.
It has to be dealt with.
And it sounds like the only adult in this family right now is YOU.

Do not apologize for anything that you don't feel that you have done wrong.
Talk about it, discuss it, deal with it.
You will help your parents talk things out too by forcing them to sit down together to talk.

I wish the best for you and your family.

Answer 7

I can't imagine a parent not talking to a child..

Parents aren't perfect and apparently your Dad is feeling a lot of stress..Parents at times take things out on the children..Sadly.

Be the bigger person, maybe if you take the first step you'll teach the adult how to behave like one, and if not at least you'll know in your heart you did a good thing.

Answer 8

maybe you could try talking to him when no one is around. He may not be expecting you to apologize to him for his behavior but he may also not want everyone to hear him admit that he was wrong for the way that he talked to you. I would wait until there is an opportunity for you and him to talk, find out what might be the problem between your mom and him. Maybe they need to be alone, small vacation, dinner out, to talk and reconnect. Try to do what you can to help around the house to make it easier.

Answer 9

Your in a tough situation dealing with an abusive parent. Just do what he asks, and conform for now. Communicate with your parents as best you can. Silence never heals anything it makes things worse.

Answer 10

Sounds like the whole family needs to have a sit down or maybe counseling.