Moms and pregnant women, what comforted you most during pregnancy, physically or emotionally?

Question

I'm 29 and an expectant father (first child!) and I would love to know what assistance from the father most eased your pregnancy or just made you feel better.

I'm writing a book for expectant dads on how to care for a pregnant woman and your feedback would help me tell 'almost-dads' how to help out before the baby.

I'm looking for both physical comforts (a massage, a bottle of ginger ale, doing extra chores) and emotional comforts (kind words, a nice card, a touching gift.)

Also, is there anything that absolutely made you want to kill him?

I'm blogging about expectant fatherhood as well if you want to pass it along to your husband or partner. http://blog.almostadad.com

Thanks,
Bill

Answer 1

Arguing with me made me want to kill him. I think men should just think in their minds that women are in a temporary hormonal state and in that state it may appear that they have lost their minds, haha! Just go with the "yes dear" attitude and life would be a lot easier, for EVERYONE!


Making sure the fridge and pantry are stocked with easy and healthy snacks and meals is important. The last thing we want to do is be in the grocery store shopping while pregnant - it's too much standing. Stouffer's makes great frozen meals that are preservative free so keep the freezer stocked with those.

If there are other children in the picture already make time for the mom to nap. I remember having a toddler during the pregnancy that didn't nap in the middle of the day anymore, so this made it sooo difficult for me to rest.

On Mother's Day while I was pregnant my husband drove me to the spa and dropped me off and told the receptionist ahead of time that whatever package I wanted money is no object. So I got a nice facial and manicure. It was really sweet and relaxing.

Taking over the accounting and paying the bills was nice because sometimes we are so tired our eyes can't see straight to look at the numbers!

Pack a nice luxury basket for the delivery. With body sprays, deodorant, feminine wipes and pads. Comfy slippers and a robe. Scented hand lotions. A little portable CD player/Ipod with favorite music (maybe even make a CD by downloading them) and favorite gossip magazines.

An important point I think many men need to realize is that just because a woman is not showing it doesn't mean she is not pregnant. A lot of times because the husband does not actually SEE a pregnant belly the pregnancy doesn't really register in their minds and they become rude or demanding especially when the wife is being lazy about household chores. The first trimester is the most difficult trimester with the tiredness and nausea and emotional rollercoaster so I think the men really need to remind themselves constantly that she is in fact carrying his child and is in a fragile emotional and physical state.

EDITED TO ADD:

Great website btw, you articulate your points very well. Good Luck with that! The men who would buy your book are probably men who are already trying to be more accomodating to the pregnant wife/gf and a better future Dad, hence buying a book, I hope that you can get this information to those that never even care to learn about the whole expecting process and being a good father. You know, for lack of a better term - the idiots. Maybe in the form of a free pamphlet (an abridged form of the book) when the moms go to a prenatal visit??? IDK, but good luck!

Answer 2

I am married and have always been married to the father of my children since before birth. My first two were spent feeling pretty lonely because he worked all the time. My last child he was around a lot more. Things that helped me out were mostly helping me with cooking and cleaning. He'd also help me out with bathtime and homework with the other two. If his schedule allowed he would let me take a nap and take our toddler somewhere while the older one was in school. As far as bills went he would take care of things. He'd rub my feet and legs for me and love me. I don't know how else to describe it because he'd tell me he loved me often and tell me how beautiful I was. While cooking he'd come put his arms around me and when the kids went to bed we'd cuddle. I truly can't think of anything he did that annoyed me. We've never had enough extra money to buy each other gifts but I felt and still feel that he is my gift from God. He's always tried to live his life as God would like him to live it and that has carried into every aspect of our lives together. We have a connection now that is better than I could have ever imagined. We just celebrated our 11th anniversary yesterday.

Answer 3

My spouse and I are expecting baby #2.. With our first one we werent to sure of what role he really played in the pregnancy, but now that our 2nd is on the way I see that he was so supportive the first time around.. He helped with chores, and cooked dinner for me all the time.. My feet never felt sore or tired, and he never missed an appointment.. With my daughter only being 16 months old. I find that if anything he is better with everything this time around.. He still cleans up the house and cooks on the days I dont feel like it, and he makes sure our daughter is dressed and feed in the morning before I get up.. We take turns with our daughter. So that we both get a full nights rest. So that is a great relief.. He told me during both pregnancy that I was beautifull, and always wanted to touch my stomach.. He kisses it and rubs it all the time, and that helps with the emotional stage of the pregnancy.. I feel as if I am just this big fat pregnant house, and he doesnt see that. He sees me as a loving caring mother pregnant with his child... I couldnt ask for anything or anyone better... Best of Luck on your book..

Answer 4

Hi...congrats on both your expecting your first child as well as your thoughtfulness for the Mom!! That in itself is SPECIAL!!! I am a Mom so I know that each and every pregnancy can be trying for both parents!!

My tidbits of advice for a father going through this hormonal upheaval called pregnancy is to be understanding and supportive, most of all loving, that is of the utmost importance!! Even if it makes absolutely no sense to you, it does to the pregnant woman that suggests it!! Not only do our bodies tend to be "way out there", our minds seem to be too!! If the pregnant mom says mean, hurtful things to you or resorts to name calling or cussing during the birth, disregard them, we don't mean anything by it, it's the pain associated with child birth and that part is NOT fun!!! After giving birth, we forget all about the pain as soon as we get to hold our brand new, very important person for the first time!! Share chores to make the new mom's life not so hectic, let her take a nap when she needs to and again, don't just profess your love, show it to her!!!

Something that my husband did as our second daughter was being stubborn and I had to be induced was attempt to wipe the perspiration from my brow, which should be a nice gesture right??? Well, I tried to take it as such, but it got soooooooooooooooooo annoying and was just rubbing it into my hairline, which irritated me even more as it broke my concentration level and I was feeling every contraction that much harder!! Then the delivery nurse got in my face and said "breathe, like this!" I told her to breathe like that and get out of my face!!

Not long afterward, our VIP was born and all was forgotten other than our bundle of joy!! After her arrival, my husband left for a bit, so I could nap and returned with a huge bouquet of flowers and dinner for the both of us, so neither of us would eat alone and I wouldn't have to eat hospital food!!

We all went home the following day and he helped out a lot and has ever since!!

Answer 5

We're expecting our first child. Im only 5 weeks along but ever since we found out, he pays more attention to me. While Im sitting at the kitchen table, he comes up behind me and starts rubbing my shoulders. It feels better than it ever has before. Lying in bed, he tells me to turn over so he can give me a back massage. He already rubs my belly and holds me tight as I cramp. He kisses me on the forehead and tells me how much he loves me being the mother of his baby. Every night before he goes to work, he kisses my belly. I dont like it when I tell him Im moody and he doesnt understand why. I wish he'd understand that I can't control my emotions. Ive been cramping for about two weeks straight and in the beginning he was way more sympathetic. Even though he does hold me tight when I cramp, I wish he understood more and believed that Im really in pain. So far, it's going pretty good.... Not many complaints

Answer 6

Sleeeeep....

A poll in Parenting magazine showed that women are comforted by sleep in the way that men are comforted by sex.

Extra chores, helping to manage the household, like getting food or running errands... also encourage her to get prenatal massages, they are wonderful. Tell her how beautiful she is, how much you can't wait to meet the baby and hold it and play with it. I never love my husband more than when he's loving our children.

I hated it when he stayed out late with his friends, I mean I like to give him his space but sometimes I wished he'd come home a little earlier than usual to show he was thinking of me.

Best thing was when he wouldn't let me clean up from Christmas dinner, he made me sit and gave me a foot massage and then did the dishes. It was like an acknowledgement that he knew how physically uncomfortable I was.

I think men should wear an empathy suit at least once, so they can see how heavy you can get and how hard it makes everything!

Answer 7

Really what made me feel awesome was him just being there. My husband works off so he is only home 2 weeks out of the month so whe he was home I just wanted to spend every moment with him. Talking about what we planned on doing the next day while we snuggled in bed at night, or him coming up behind me while I was washing dishes and putting his arms aorund me and telling me he loved me and kissing me on the neck. Him bringing me home little things like my favorite choclate, or massaging my back or legs when they would really hurt. Things like that meant more to me than if he spent every dime he made on attending to my comfort. I haven't wanted anything since I have been pregnant that he has not gotten for me. It may have been a week late in getting here but the fact that he remembers means sooo much.

Answer 8

Physically in the beginning when I was most sick (Hyperemisis) NOTHING! I was so miserable physically. My husband would touch me and I would vomit. There were times I knew that if I was feeling a certain level of sickness that he shouldn't touch me. Other times when I was most sick I would really appreciate it that he just sit near me or right next to me if I was feeling well enough (and remembered not to have any cologne on or cuddle me). It would make me feel a little better when he would take out the kitty litter everyday and come home and ask how I was immediately and if I would like some new water or a snack. I would hate if he asked too many questions though rather than take charge once in awhile- I was barely coherent enough to decided if I wanted to throw up juice or water for the next round. Once I got later into pregnacy and started eating more i would like his encouragement or notice that I was doing better or well. I like it (now and then) when he says what a great job I'm doing and how well I'm "hanging in there" becuase he knows that pregnancy is not and easy or sometimes even enjoyable thing, but I'm "doing so great and he's so proud." The understanding and sypathy was best all around and I hated when he got confused about pregnacy/how I was feelinge etc and just didn't say anything- I needed his contact. I wanted to "Kill him" when he would argue w/ me like he normally would if I weren't pregnant and nearly dying (lol). I say to him "I would think that if you were so adiment and concerned about keeping my stress level down you wouldn't be carrying on like this and you would find a better way to talk to me than THIS!" He started to learn that now was not the time to be so self righteous and "take one for the team" or at least wait awhile and think of a better way to talk about it. (but this took over or around 4 mos to start to get). Now I love it when he cuddles me and randomly says how well I'm doing or how beautiful or sexy I am and shares his excitement for the arrival of Baby Girl. I like when he won't "let me" pick up heavy things or do certain chores. It's cute and lets me know he really is trying to take care of me. All in all one of the things that I felt comforted in and liked is that he wanted his own pregnacy books and looked up stuff online about pregnancy and babies then shared his enthusiasm (or sympathy lol) when we talked about what's new that's forming on Baby Girl and what's happening w/ my body.

Answer 9

What made me feel the best is when my husband would rub and talk to my tummy... it was so nice knowing he is as excited as I am.

What I hated!~! Is when I would have morning sickness all day long and towards the end of the day he wasnt as sympothetic... Meaning when I would throw up, he would remain on the couch watching a show or something... It was getting old for both of us, but I couldnt stop it.

Answer 10

My husband was definitely the person who comforted & consoled me the most. He always made sure to tell me how beautiful I was, even when I broke out with pregnancy pimples, got bigger, & was green & throwing up. He spoiled me a little bit (well, a lot) he would get me any food I was craving, he would rub my belly & play little games with the baby. He helped me through the whole labor & birth. My daughter's birth happened very fast. He had went back to our home to grab some last minute things that we would need for our hospital stay (our baby came early, so we weren't prepared) I thought for a little bit there he wasn't going to make it back in time to see the birth but he did. He actually was supposed to help deliver the baby, but there again everthing happened so fast. The only thing he did to tick me off was, after the nurse told me to get in control of myself, he repeated her , I wasn't acting like a turd or anything, I was just upset & crying. He was just trying to help but when I was in pain I wanted to punch him in his fun bags.