My husband, who I have three kids with, left me for a year claiming to have fallen in love with our friend, came back saying mistake. Won't give up his friendship with her and thinks I should be ok with his feelings. It is tearing me apart each time he "pops down for coffee." Don't say make him choose, he says I have no right to dictate his friends. Just wish he loved me as much as he cares for her. Don't want to split again as kids really missed him and don't want to uproot them, but can't go on crying. Things go well, she gets her paws on him and everything is my fault again. Tried speaking to her years ago when this first started, she says she can't help it. Obviously spoken to husband, he says he can't help feelings and I should be glad he's honest and it hurts him to know I feel this way.
2007-07-14 02:32:52 · 35 answers · asked by mo 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, there is no other choice is there unless you put her out to pasture where she obviously belongs. Look honey, if either of them cared for you they wouldn't being putting you through this would they and if you had any self esteem or self respect you wouldn't be letting them- so girl- pull yourself together and boot him out. Yes it hurts, yes you will miss and YES YOU WILL GET OVER HIM!!! You kids will hurt and they will miss him, but i promise you they will get used to it. He's no good to you and he doesn't love you.
EDIT In relation to your kids think about what you are teaching them- that boys can treat women like dirt and girls are being taught they are there to be treated like dirt- you are actually not being kind to your kids at all are you?
And as for being honest with you- don't make me laugh- thats his scape goat for doing wrong!!!
2007-07-14 09:47:27 · answer #1 · answered by Ellie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you accept this situation only encourages it to continue. Of course he will not give up his relationship with this other woman, why would he. After all he has her, you and the kids when he wants. There is no incentive for him to choose. Let me guess when he came back you said he had to choose and at that time he made all sorts of promises, most of which he has subsequently broken. Does this not tell you anything? You say not to suggest making him choose now. Is this perhaps because you fear he will choose her and not you? Wake up to the facts honey, he's already made that choice and your now, at best, just a domestic servant. Stop hiding from the truth, this man does not love you and, by the way he's treating you, he does not even care that much about you. What's more, I suspect if you are looking for your relationship with him to have any positive outcome if you don't leave, or thinking that this is his first or his last affair, you are in for a very disappointing life. Do yourself and the kids a favour pack you bags and get a life
2007-07-14 04:00:39 · answer #2 · answered by AEH 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why did you take him back? You say you don't want to split up coz you will upset the kids but they see everything. They will see how unhappy you are and they will see him constantly going to see a women he was with for a year and then coming home to you. Your children will grow up thinking this is how a family works and thats not fair on them. He is supposed to be your husband and he should only have love for you, if you have to share him why would you want him. Things will seem bad at first if you leave him but believe me there will be much better things around the corner for you and your kids and in time they will see its better to have happy parents apart then unhappy parents together. You only have one life don't live it in misery only you can make it better.
2007-07-14 04:59:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey...he is still doing her...You may not be able to dictate who his friends are but you have every right to tell him to stop hanging out with the woman he left you for...what an insensitive p r i c k....you need to give him an ultimatum, you or her, and stick to it. He will do this only as long as YOU let him. He's double dipping and bringing it back home to you. Don't you realize you are better than that? Don't you know that being alone is so much nicer than sharing a penis with a so-called "friend". He came back because he knew you would give him what he wants but you would also put up with his other activities...he is stepping all over and your kids are watching. He is worthless, absolutely a waste of your love, your spirit, your youth, and your happiness. He will not change, so let those disgusting dogs lay together, she can have him. Please, you HAVE to know that the affair is still going on. Dont be blind to it, this is your life, now take control, go listen to irreplaceable by Beyonce, and tell him to pack his crap and go...as doctor phil says, kids would rather be from a broken home, than live in one. This one looks pretty busted to me, and he is doing it to your kids every time he does it to you. YOU DONT NEED HIM! ....worthless
2007-07-14 02:45:58 · answer #4 · answered by suitablepenname 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
im so sorry hon,but really why did you take him back???life goes on even if you have got kids,they cant live in that enviroment,think long and hard and decide if you want too keep living like this,or make a clean break,he knows how you feel,and to put this other person first is so wrong,yes the kids will miss him,its natural,but have you got to live a miserable life till they grow up and leave home,i wish you lots off love n luck and hope you make the right decision xxxx
2007-07-14 08:38:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
once again another case of a man who wants to have his cake and eat it too, and a woman who's allowing him to.
please move on, its not worth it if it's tearing you apart, the kids can visit regularly. you will probably never get the resolution you want to this situation because the way you're acting shows your husband that he can get his way no matter what.
i'm sorry to sound harsh but the best thing you could do is kick him out and build a fantastic life for yourself without him and take no interest in what he does in his spare time. if anything will bring him back and make him change his mind this will, and if he doesnt then he never loved you enough anyway.
good lluck
2007-07-14 02:38:48 · answer #6 · answered by Sarah J 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You know the truth! If you love this guy more than you love yourself then fine, go on "sharing" him with your "friend"! Just think about the lesson you're teaching your Children. It's okay for Dad to have a Wife & a "Friend".
You have to love yourself enough not to settle for less than what you're do. Sure it's going to be hard on you & your children but, to let him ping pong back & forth between you and the other Woman is worse. Don't make him choose, YOU CHOOSE! Bite the bullet & leave!
2007-07-14 02:41:26 · answer #7 · answered by toothy 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, i feel for you, i really do.
But ok, so you dont want to uproot your kids....understandable.....but is this the environment that you want them raised in either? Is this the example of what a 'man' is and how he acts towards his wife and family, that you want to then install in your kids?
I would kick him out....you have the kids, they need their house, their friends, their schools. Be a STRONG woman for you kids. Do what is best for you and your children.
You are deserving of his respect, and honesty.
I cant imagine there is a great deal of trust left.....
I would not trust the security of my family to a man I could not trust.
Be strong and you GET WHAT YOU NEED. Dont wait for 'the day' that he will finally step up and be who you need him to be. You might be waiting a VERY long time.
2007-07-14 03:10:22 · answer #8 · answered by heymumma1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
look!! I'm going to be honest here with you! Ive went through a very very similar situation with my parents but we are ten years on from her finding out! it never worked out eventually it tore away at my mum and she was so depressed, my father denies being with this woman yet still being caught with her by my friends, husband and myself! because my mum stayed with my dad for ten years and felt exactly the same way you are, she changed as a mother and person. this affected all of us( the kids) you say not to tell you to ask him to choose but i think you have answered your own question here! if he really loves you then he will choose. your feelings should mean more to him then a 'friendship'....get rid! he doesn't deserve you! how would he feel if it was the other way around!!!
2007-07-14 02:56:11 · answer #9 · answered by natasha marie 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is an a**hole and this so called friend of yours and his is a real b*tch. Stop being their fool, pick yourself up off the floor, dry your eyes, and kick his butt out the door. They want each other so bad, can't help how they feel and all that crap, cheaters deserve each other. Why do you still want this jerk? Staying together for the kids is ridiculous. What message are you sending them? Teaching your son it's OK to disrespect women and treat them like garbage and teaching your daughter to expect a man to disrespect her and cheat on her. He doesn't love you because if he truly did, he wouldn't continue hurting you. Grow a back bone and stand up for yourself for once.
2007-07-14 02:40:52 · answer #10 · answered by Brandy 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋