Supposedly, she was depressed, therefore she was a totally different person and is sorry for everything she has done, now that she is not depressed. I am supposed to overlook an affair because she was depressed?
2007-07-14 00:37:42 · 56 answers · asked by Kenny F 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Depression doesn't make a person totally different, but it can cause people to act in ways they otherwise wouldn't or even become psychotic or dellusional. Perhaps your wife was convinced that you no longer loved her, were better off without her and that she should find someone else, maybe someone as miserable as herself. That's the depression talking. Are you supposed to let it go just because she was depressed? No. I suggest you two get some therapy together. If you're not going to stay with her, at least you'd develop a better understanding of why she did what she did. Depression is a miserable illness and really does destroy relationships and lifes.
2007-07-14 00:44:15 · answer #1 · answered by qwertatious 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depression Affair
2016-11-07 05:17:16 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Define 'affair'. If it was a one-night stand, that's not an affair. An affair is a drawn-out, calculated relationship. If that's the case, then her feelings for the other person are genuine and she's likely to go back to them. There 's something she needs that she does not get from you but gets from them. And that in NO way means it's your fault.
Either way, you should not overlook it. It's a symptom of an unhealthy relationship, even if it's you not meeting her needs. Why is she depressed? Work on that.
Or if you want the simple answer, tell her that you'll forget the whole thing if she lets you have a weekend with her sister or her best friend, and watch her reaction. They'll tell you if she thinks you should overlook it or not.
2007-07-14 01:25:30 · answer #3 · answered by SDW 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like something was wrong with your relationship to begin with... She isn't a strong woman, so she became depressed over it ( instead of doing something about the problem ). My question is: where have you been while all of this was taking place in your family? Having an affair was not a result of good judgment on her part, it was a desperate cry for help. If that is what it took for you to wake up and start paying attention, in some pretty twisted way it was worth it.
As far as I can see this mess of a situation: both of you have been doing a very poor job as partners in this relationship. The first step would be to take responsibility for the damage done by both of you. BTW, blaming game is never a healthy solution for any conflict. So, don't waste your time on assignment who is the guiltier party. Then find the best marriage counselor money can buy and use his/her services. Making a marriage work is a constant and pretty involved work on emotional, mental and physical levels. People who forget that, end up single and bitter. Good luck on making all the right choices this time around!
2007-07-20 13:03:32 · answer #4 · answered by ms.sophisticate 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This Site Might Help You.
RE:
Is depression a good enough excuse for having an affair?
Supposedly, she was depressed, therefore she was a totally different person and is sorry for everything she has done, now that she is not depressed. I am supposed to overlook an affair because she was depressed?
2015-08-19 01:26:38 · answer #5 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Huh? I don't understand, did the depression go away on its own? Did the affair help her depression? I don't think you can use depression as an excuse for an affair. There was an underlying reason for the affair, there was some type of need for fullfilment on her side that she did not feel was being satisfied in her relationship with you. Did your g.f/wife get professional assistance, such as medical/psychological care for her depression? Did you find out what issues you currently have in your relationship that caused her to have the affair? Have you resolved the trust issue in your relationship that was created due to this affair? If you are still in the relationship it takes time to gain trust back into the relationship after the trust has been broken.
2007-07-14 00:59:40 · answer #6 · answered by Lady D 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is never an excuse for an affair. However I will say one thing in her defense... just one, because she is wrong in what she did. Depression does crazy things to people (genuinely depressed people)... they have no self confidence in themselves, no love for themselves so they seek it in others, sometimes sexually. Is she on meds or seeing a doctor with the depression?? How long was the affair??
Now.. the call is totally on you sweetheart. If you feel that you love her enough to try and make this work (and that you think she will try as well and won't repeat what happened), then you should definitely seek a marriage/couple's counselor immediately.
If you do not think this relationship is worth salvaging then you need to chuck her *** to the curb in a hurry... like you're running outside with the garbage and the garbage truck is just pulling up to your block.
Best of luck to you!!!
2007-07-21 19:17:32 · answer #7 · answered by Nikki 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. If she was depressed, she should have looked for help through you. Sounds like it was just an excuse to have an affair. Don't overlook it. It will happen again. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Move on and find another person that will be true to you no matter what
2007-07-21 14:24:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, do not "overlook" an affair for ANY reason. It may be a good excuse, it may not be, doesn't matter, you can't OVERLOOK it - that's asking for it to happen again.
In point of fact what you need to do is look right AT it and start examining your marriage and your own feelings - do you want to stay together? can you stay with this person considering how they have hurt you? do you want to work things out? Do you believe you can work things out?
All this needs to be addressed in therapy. If you just found out your wife had an affair you can look forward to at least two years of pain and anguish (off and on) before you are really "recovered" and that's true whether you stay with her or not. What is positive is that if you DO stay together and make an honest committment to working things out then your marriage can be stronger than it was. If you split, you'll always have that pain in your heart and that doubt too.
You'll be going through lots of emotions and notions - don't make any rash decisions just yet.
2007-07-14 02:09:13 · answer #9 · answered by Cassandra G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is never a "good enough" excuse for having an affair. I've ha affairs and I know realize that you shouldn't hurt the person you with to satisfy your own needs. You should end it with one before starting with anyone else. That is the best way. Also, I've been fighting depression for years. This may have been the REASON I had affairs but it certainly is not a good excuse. She may have changed but only you can decide if you can ever trust her again. Without trust, you will never have the realtionship you once did. My ex couldn't trust me and we ending up splitting because I couldn't deal with not being trusted. He had his reasons and I don't blame him. I just couldn't live like that.
2007-07-20 03:58:06 · answer #10 · answered by pitterpat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋