Lying in a pool of death
Struggling to catch my breath
My blackened heart was once aglow
But now the beat is faint and slow
Disintigrating rapidly
The physical takes leave of me
I cast my mortal self aside
And all that's left is what's inside
I fly away with just my mind
Answers I don't need to find
From the Earth I've been released
And all that's left is warmth and peace
2007-07-14 00:01:55 · 6 answers · asked by Philomena M 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
oooo i like!
i especially like that line 'i cast my mortal self aside'
very original, really paints a good picture!!! 10/10!
keep it up!
2007-07-14 05:01:55 · answer #1 · answered by agalicktourq 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very nicely done...but I'd suggest a couple alternative words:
The physical "releases" me
Since "you" are leaving the physical body, the body doesn't leave you, you leave it...so it "released" your soul (you).
You could repeat this concept in the second to last line by saying:
"From Earthly bonds I've been released"
Otherwise, very nicely done!
2007-07-16 19:26:17 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lovely poem - like a gentle death - but what is your question?
2007-07-14 00:09:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a sad poem.
2007-07-14 00:11:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it. keep up the good work!
2007-07-14 00:06:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anjali 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it!
2007-07-17 11:25:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋