Single mother with joint custody...Trying to get both parents to keep a similar routine.?

Question

My daughter was born with both parents living in seperate housing. Trouble getting both of us to keep a similar routine, for example, bed time. Recently came to an agreement that he still "babies" her and is not strict at bed time, esp. since we moved her out of the crib and that's not going well. How do we get her to want to go to her own bed each night, though she has two seperate bedrooms and be comfortable doing so? Currently she will only fall asleep in our bed(s) or in the living room.

Answer 1

I am also a single mom with joint legal custody (full physical custody). Luckily we get along well.
Before we began overnights at his place we agreed to a bedtime routine. Bath, two books, and then bed. We agreed to a bedtime. He would come over and we would do this together, then when we finally starting doing overnights at his place, the first night I took our child over, we had dinner and did the bedtime routine together. It has worked well for us. He has even moved to another place and the "routine" still works!
You may want to sit down and discuss with him what he thinks would be a good bedtime routine that you each can do in your home. Consistency is key. Of course there are some nights when our son resists but we stay the course. We actually talk and agree to do the same thing at both places because we know it is only hard on the child if we are doing different things.
Good luck!!

One more thing...it sounds like you two still talk at least, but not sure if you "get along". It might work best if you ASK him what HE thinks will work. If you both agree that there is an issue of course! You can tell him that you are NOT trying to tell him what to do, but asking if the TWO of you can come up with a bedtime solution that is best for the child. Ask if he believes that you both can have some consistency in each home for the child.

Answer 2

First, don't try to control him. After much fussing, you will end up with the same resolution; his relationship with her is his. There isn't much else you can do except patch things up and move back in together (which I'm assuming is not an option).
Be consistent! Start her in her own bed and keep placing her back in her bed. She'll get tired of the fight and after just a few nights, she'll get the idea even if you're the only one doing it. Your house your rules, his house, sorry...but his rules.

Answer 3

unfortunatly what he does with her is his to do so long as he doesn't put her in danger.
it sucks that both of you can't be on the same page but that sometimes is how it is.
we had my bfs 2yo dghtr for 3 wks and the only part of her routine we changed was her bedtime. we didn't think that a 10pm bed time for a 2yo was not appropriate. so we put her to bed an hour earlier.
other than that we stuck to it all.