Why aren't children enough to make someone have a stable life?

Question

I do not have children, however I am the child of negligent parent. Father left, never looked back. Mother was more concerned with partying with losers and ended up murdered. Why aren't children enough to make someone clean up and fly right? I believe that I would do anything for my children, when I have them. Why do so many people fail the best things in their lives?

Answer 1

You know, there are those in life who just can't seem to get it together enough to be able to BE a RESPONSIBLE parent ... and that is for sure.

IT takes a strong sense of self, a desire to GUIDE your young infant into a good moral structure, to value family and closeless, to have the ability to care for one so much that you are willing to LET Them make mistakes and let them learn, to be there unconditionally, and yes, to LOVE another.

There are those like my Ex who NEVER grow up or beyond their selfishness or sociopathology ... who can NOT and NEVER will be able to care for another, who have no desire to help shape the life of the young blessing that they have been given, who can NOT ever give up their selfishness, and who just can't clean themselves up long enough to know how PRECIOUS life is ....

That life is FULL of many things -- joy, pain, work, love, feelings, stumbling blocks, prejudice/hate, and yes, is meant to be WORK .. the Work of applying yourself to becoming the BEST person that you can be .. to learn to share and care, to learn to LIVE and LOVE ...

It is all a matter of CHOICE -- while there are many who CHOOSE to be RESPONSIBLE Adults and yes, to cherish their Blessings (including their children) ...

There are those who CHOOSE to NEVER be responsible, and throw away the blessings that they have been given, and yes, this includes their own lives and the lives of the children that they have ....

Answer 2

Because people are selfish and they have children for all the wrong reasons. A child will not make you whole. A child will not make you emotionally healthy or stable. A child will not make a drunk stop drinking or a druggie stop using. A child will not make you a good person.
You have to do all those things yourself, no one, especially a child can do it for you.

When you have a child, you are reproducing another human, and you have more than an obligation to feed it. Just because you can get pregnant doesn't mean you have what it takes to be a parent. Parenting is not for the faint of heart.

The very best thing you can do for your future children is come to grips with your past and understand while those were bad things that happened to the people in your life, its not YOUR life. You aren't responsible, nor are you tainted by your parents failure.

I'm really sorry you didn't have a good mom and dad, but you have something alot of other people don't have, you KNOW what makes a good mother. Nurture yourself, be a mother to yourself, and you will be a great mother to whomever you give birth to.

Best wishes for a good future.

Answer 3

I'm sorry about your mom and dad. It's not fair to you. However, you seem more mature now than either of them. There are as many different reasons for people not to do right by their kids as there are people.

My childhood seems ideal compared to yours, but it had it's share of problems. I can remember thinking when I was around 3 or 4 years old - after a severe screaming match by my mom to me - that "I will never treat my children like this!" and as I got older, I remember specific times in my life where I told myself that I would handle this type of situation with my kids like this...

When I did have a son, I tried to keep these things in mind - and I always tried to treat him the way I would have wanted to be treated.

So the bottom line - maybe your parents didn't have someone who treated them well and they were just acting the way their parents acted. Maybe they hadn't grown up enough to be a parent before they were parents. Maybe they didn't care because something or someone else was more of a priority. But the good news is that you survived! And - what's even better, is that you know now what not to do to your kids.

People are filled with faults. Sometimes they learn enough to recognize them, other times they don't until much later or ever. Don't judge them (even if you feel you want to) - just learn from their mistakes and break the cycle.

Best of luck! You can do it!

Answer 4

Because adults should be "stable" BEFORE having children. Some people make the mistake of thinking that having a baby will solve their problems. It just doesn't work that way. That's also why people say that you shouldn't get married or have kids too young. And that it is better to finish school, go to college, have a career, and a good healthy relationship before having kids.

If you do have kids when you are truly ready, it sounds like you will be a great parent.

Answer 5

Children can make the most stable situation unstable quickly.
When you don't have any you become used to your quiet environment. Sometimes the thought that life has completely changed can be a challenge for some people. Some parents never grow up and aren't responsible for themselves much less a family. Sorry about your circumstances.
Good Luck, you will make a kinder , loving parent.

Answer 6

When it comes to children, that is a big concern for me. You never have a child to keep a man, or have children until you are stable. With a past like yours, you can break the cycle of horrid memories and tell yourself that you are going to have a happy home, with the right person and have beautiful children. You can break the chain, dont let it go into a marriage then have your children have the same sad situation. It is well documented that children of unstable homes grow up to have unstable relationships. (for example)

Blessings

Answer 7

Children can bring out the worst in a person because they require the number one slot. If a person is selfish and unwilling to do what's best for their child, the child will suffer...not them. I am glad you seem to have that maternal drive but pray you find someone you can learn how to be a good parent from. Under pressure most of us revert to what we know (the abused becomes the abuser). I know you can do it but make sure you get a good support system when you decide to have children.

Answer 8

I agree with what your saying. Its very easy to have a baby and take care of it in the beginning, but most people soon forget these babies growup fast and need more attention, care, and nurturing. This soon becomes a hassle and then a proble, and these children are soon forgotten, neglected, or even worse. This issues relies heavily with single mothers who struggle to find a man in their lives, in which their kids come last. Im sorry about your childhood, but im glad you overcame it and want to change your future, and not represent what you have been through.

Nowadays, kids are becoming less of a priority with some Mothers, theyd rather focus on a man, drugs, or something else that can satisfy their selfish needs.

Answer 9

Do you or the childs father have any household or peers that you simply believe? This might be the nice choice. It might simply be an issue of moving guardianship. My mom was once a drug addict and I was once raised in a kinship association from start to fourteen. And Miss Teacup you relatively will have to remember getting a few kind of intellectual support. You sound so determined and needy supplying to take a entire strangers little one.. please pay attention to your little one you might have. If you continue to think the have got to fill the void,please remember getting a refuge puppy and threapy to support you conquer any disorders you would have. You are in no role mentally to undertake. You sound very clingy and needy. A mentally steady individual might no longer be so speedy to present to take a little one off the web, but each and every submit wherein any person is going through a drawback being pregnant sitaution you speak approximately how determined you're to undertake a little one and many others, the way you lengthy to keep a little one and many others. Sorry however to be brutally sincere it comes off as very creepy. I doubt you might be in a position to foster so much much less undertake with that intellectual state. Have you even had a homestudy? Have you began the system. Im no longer decrease however I guess you might at this factor be in a position to go a psyc comparison to be suitable. Money doesnt topic if one isn't emotionally healthful. I do desire that you are going to come to grips along with your secondary infertilty and its disorders earlier than even seeing that adoption or fostering. A youngster isnt going to healing that. And a little one will have to no longer be born with the process to fill that void. A little one shouldnt be born with a task interval. You are relatively opening to sound like those ladies who kill pregnant ladies and rip the little one from their moms womb. Its generally this measure of desperation and melancholy that makes them do it.

Answer 10

i'm sorry that this happened to you, but some people don't think about their actions before doing them. such as the case in getting pregnant. some people have sex for a good time. no protection, no kind of birth control at all. nine months later they want to know what happend? children are a responsibility. they ADD to the current relationship and change the dynamics of a marriage. but too often they are viewed and used as fixing tools. 'oh i'll get pregnant and he will really want to say with me then.' but little do they know that it does the exact opposite. your parents were not ready to be parents when they had you but they sure did do the act of parents...have sex. i hope that you can find peace with this one day as it is not easy dealing with.