He's 12 going on 18. All the girls think he's "all that". He's our only child and a bit spoiled (we love him!). Now he's getting that "teen" attitude and it hurts. How can I let him know he can talk to us without being "the man" without losing him?
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2007-07-13 15:52:19 · 21 answers · asked by floridacrain 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
OKay being the middle child with 2 brothers. All of us being 13 months apart, I can say this. Try not to have a dominating hand over him any more. Relax a bit but don't give up being a good parent. Be a little more lienient, but respect him more as an adult than a child. I wished my mother would do that sometimes.
The reasons teens have attitudes is because they want to be respected as more than an innocent and (frankly) a stupid child. Start talking about more subject that will go in depth and reveal how he feels about certain things, so you know how to appraoch him with certain topics.
Try to tell him straight up that you love him and care for him, but try not to smother him with I love yous ever 15 seconds, or I'm proud of you. It's a wierd feeling and a bit annoying when my mother STILL does it, and I am 18 just graduated from high school.
2007-07-13 15:58:52 · answer #1 · answered by Alex M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
FloridaCrain,
Been there...done that.
Approach with caution, counseling and care. Take some time out and away. Sit him down and explain life and your feelings...not defensively but as his parent and as an adult. He's almost 13...if you don't take this opportunity, you will never get it again.
Girls today are forward.
Be the parent on the phone.
Set boundaries and limitations. Meet the girls parents as a prerequisite to his harem of choices. Many times the girls will back down if they know that you will be meeting their parents. Make the girls respect you. He can have them over in your presence...precaution and protection of any "liable" suits or "rape charges". A 12 year old boy can be arrested for statutory rape...he needs to know this. A girl these days can take his freedom away just with one accusation and your son needs to know all about the dynomite he plays with.
Girls are not the young and innocent type any more. The schools have set the world up for downfall when they started showing sex educational movies in the 2nd grade and wonder why they can't find a virgin after the seventh grade. Scary, but true.
Your son needs some time out and away...boys summer camp...your vacation trip alone with him. Time to chat. The girl's parents come after you financially with the accusation of rape and he can be put away if he breaks one heart...she'll turn on him and accuse...it's ugly.
He's better off getting into sports like basketball, football, baseball, volleyball. Keep him so busy that he doesn't have time with the girls. Practice and games keep him going. If he wants to be a jock...make him play like a jock. Burn the hormone energy into something that won't cost him his freedom and life.
2007-07-13 23:10:44 · answer #2 · answered by cadvadvocate 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Make sure that your son doesn't develop an attitude of entitlement, and that he does develop responsibility.
Watch out for lies (even your son) and verify the information he gives you.
Have dinner several times a week together, the whole family, and try at that time not to judge or contradict or lecture, just LISTEN. Dinner should always be a pleasant affair for everyone involved.
Resist giving him too many priveleges until he's shown he's mature enough to handle them.
A potpourri of advice, I'm sure, but the most important is to listen. If you have an objection to what he's saying, bring it up later. Never stop him or interrupt him if he's talking to you. The more of his day and his heart he delivers to you, the tighter your relationship, even through the terrible teens (and yes, they are terrible!).
2007-07-13 23:07:12 · answer #3 · answered by TX Mom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a 13 year old myself. Mostly at this point all you can do is reasur him from time to time that he can talk to you about ANYTHING. He has to be allowed to be himself and find himself. (do you remember being a teen?) And be prepared for anything he comes to you with.
I have kept my son busy and active all his life. Not pressured but I have opened him to different activies that he can do with his friends, and/ or his family. He balances his activites on his own and is very responsible so far. So maybe you can redirect him from the girls by introducing him to other activites. Girls are everywhere but hopefully he will like another activity better than the attention he gets from the girls.
Also, you have to trust that what you have taught him thus far is embedded in his memory bank. Give him some freedom with limits and all should be good.
2007-07-13 23:02:30 · answer #4 · answered by Pear36LL 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't take it personally. If you try to get closer, in fact, he'll try to attack you more. Let him do his little thing and whatnot, and try to even remain a little bit aloof. But knock some sense into his head every once in a while too. Spoiling a child is no help to the child at all, and is in fact to his detriment in the long run. But its better late than never to try to instill a sense of respect for adults and elders. Let him do his thing, but never let him get away with anything bad. You're the mom. You're the boss, hands down. And don't feel guilty for it, its for his benefit.
Send me an email if you can't seem to understand what's going on in his head.
2007-07-13 22:58:30 · answer #5 · answered by Ana 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The bottom line in your question is "He's 12". You are the adult...the parent...sure you love him,& part of loving him is to not let him run the show. If you allow the "teen attitude" now at 12, how is he going to be at 16? Maybe..out of control? Also, I spoiled my child because I loved him too...Kinda let him run the show & have his own way....He's dead now.
2007-07-13 22:59:57 · answer #6 · answered by Edward J 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Rules: Post them
Sit down and talk to them and make himm know what are your "non-negotiables"
When you talk to him like that he will feel that you are treating him like and adult, and you should make him feel that way...I have a 13 year old and he did tried that "teen" way with me...and It took me a few months and a big ground to put him back in his place..You are the PArent and the Adult..Be strict and strong...if what you want is to make your child a good person...Put him back on track... IN OTHER WORDS YOU BE "THE MAN"
2007-07-13 22:58:51 · answer #7 · answered by Nicole E 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ha..I'm just a teen myself and its a stage..we act that way because its how everyone else is acting..so we get to caught up and don't realize that were hurting others especially our parents..i think you need to let him know you understand that he has his friends and hes cool and all..but its not okay the way he treats you..but soon hes not there yet but when he moves up in middle school and high school i think all teens start realizing that u be who you are and you don't have to be "the man" that its cool to be you. hope my advice helps :]
2007-07-13 23:02:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just talk to him as you would to an adult. Let him know you are there for him. He is starting to act like a man so you should treat him like one!
2007-07-13 22:56:56 · answer #9 · answered by Grace A 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it really just need to be a man to man type of thing im experients and its really strange when you have to talk to your mom about something no offence but it needs to be a father to father talk....
and your husband might need to talk about girls if he is getting sexual with them...alot of boys start late i use to have a freind who would look up girls when he was only in 1st grade. if you have any more questions just ask me
2007-07-13 22:57:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋