Is Making My 17 Year Old Daughter go to Bed with me At 9:30 PM Unreasonable?

Question

We live in a small 2 bedroom apartment (I live in Chicago - the housing prices are very expensive!), and I wake up at 5:30 AM for work everyday, so I go to bed at 9:30. I also go to bed at that time during the weekends, so I can wake up early to clean the house & run errands. I make my daughter go to bed at that time, too, (she sleeps in the same bed as me, because she's too tall for her own in her room, and I never got around to buying her a new one). She promised me that if she could just crawl in bed an hour or two later (weekends) that she would be quiet and keep lights down. I am a very light sleeper, so no matter how hard I know she tries, I wake up. Am I being unreasonable? I don't like sleeping with my door shut or with earplugs. Amy (my daughter) is protesting to have a later bedtime.

She's asked to sleep in her bed (her feet stick out) & on the family room sofa, but I won't allow it. She dislikes it when I make her stop studying to go to bed. But she needs her sleep.

Answer 1

a person who never got around to buying their child a new bed does not sound like a person who cares when they go to bed.

i vote for letting her sleep on the sofa, she will probably have more space and it sounds like she wants to.

Answer 2

Blunt truth: Yes you are being unreasonable because

1. She presented alternative options that could easily solve the problem "She's asked to sleep in her bed (her feet stick out) & on the family room sofa,", but you shot them down simply becaues you didn't like it.

2.You are forcing her to accommodate to your needs. Yet you do not even make an effort to accomodate to hers, you won't wear ear plugs or sleep with the door closed. You won't let her stay up late on even just the weekends, when the only thing you have to do is run errands or chores, which usually a person can do at anytime. Yes I understand that she is you daughter, and that you are supporting her, but she IS her own person.

3. "She dislikes it when I make her stop studying to go to bed."
That in itself is a mind boogling issue. YOU make her STOP STUDYING... what parent in their right mind makes their child stop studying just so the child will go to bed at the same time, in assurance the child not wake the parent up when they slip in a few hours later.

4. You do not state that she has to wake up at the same time as you, so if she starts school at say 8:00, she doesn't need to be awake at 5:30. So you sort of cancel out your own reasoning of " But she needs her sleep."

5. And probably the biggest reason you're being unreasonable, it's your fault for not getting her a bed. Go on one of your errand days to a mattress store, buy her a mattress, and poof,

problem solved.

Answer 3

Are you her mother or her father. take the time to get her a bed she should not be sleeping with you no matter if your mother or father this girl is 17 yrs old she needs privacy and
no teenager is ready to go to bed at 9 or 930 I raised two teenagers of my own plus a few that belonged to someone else. You are making the biggest mistake of your life. and will lose her all together when she is eighteen. What gives with you she can have ear muffs so she can listen to music or watch TV I have them myself because I can't hear well and if I don't I would blast everyone out of the house they do not cost much and if she had her own room she could still stay up and watch TV or listen to music or read..Get her a bed and let her have her own room. before you wake up or come home from work and find her gone.

Answer 4

considering that it is during the summer and that she is almost a legal adult, in a way it is ridiculous. Theidea of having her go to bed with you isn't bad it's just the time. When you were a teenager I bet that you would throw up an argument when you got the chance too. Also with the fact that she offers to sleep other places. If she's not insistant on sleeping in your bed then buying an air matress might be an even better solution. Most are very cheap and although they aren't as good as a matress they are more comparable than a couch or small bed. but GOOD LUCK

Answer 5

Emma you have to find a way to make this better for you and her. I can see that this is hard on you but i think that if you let her do these things on the weekend that things will be better. I think that the best thing to do is buy that bed that you have not gotten too. Until then i think that you need to see what she wants to do. You are making the choices for her instead of letting her make her own. Are you tall too? if not then you take the little bed and let her sleep in yours until you can get that bed! She is 17 and needs her time at night and you need yours. She needs her own bed!!!

Answer 6

Yes, I do think you are being unreasonable. Why can't you find the time to get your daughter a decent bed so she can sleep in her own room? What teenager wants to sleep with her Mom, none that I know. At that age, if your remember, you need some privacy, especially at night when you go to sleep. What is something happens that makes her want to cry herself asleep, not unheard of at 17 yrs old. She doesn't even have the privacy to do that. UNFAIR!!!

Answer 7

you are ungodly selfish and unreasonable. how dare you force a girl who is nearly an adult to come to bed with you at such an early time? did you also put a dog collar around her neck with a little bell attached so that you can hear when she's trying to escape? not only are you being unreasonable with a seemingly reasonable teenager, but you are also making your actions for all the wrong reasons. i don't' even think you are concerned about her health at ALL. why wouldn't ANY child, whether little or a budding teen, have their own appropriately sized bed? all you seem to be concerned about is your needs. you don't like sleeping with the door closed, you don't like ear plugs, you don't like it when other people try to make any decisions, you, you, you, you, you.
do you sometimes forget that you have a living, breathing human being with you?
if i was your daughter, I'd have left your dump already.

Answer 8

sweetie...she is almost an adult and you are still treating her like a child. she is 17 YEARS OLD. what's wrong with you? let her sleep in the sofa. sleeping with my mom at that age would drive me up the wall!!! i needed my space growing up at that age and so does she. she needs to have her own space. yes you are a light sleeper and maybe you should try closing the door. your daugher is doing the best that she can in trying not to wake you up. but as you stated...you are a light sleeper. maybe you should see the doctor about that to see if there is something that you can take to help you sleep deeper at night. because you are literally smothering your daughter weather you realize it or not. if she stays up and is sleepy the next day...then that's on her. she needs to be responsible for her actions and the consequences of her actoins as well. you are pushing your daugher away from you by keeping her so close to you. part of growing up is learning from our mistakes. she will never grow up if you keep treating her like she's 5 years old and making her have a later bedtime. you need your sleep and thats fine. maybe she is the type of person that only needs 5 hours of sleep a night in order to function. you need to her her be her own person.

Answer 9

My mother always tried to get me to go to bed early but that stopped when I turned 16. After that she allowed me to have more privacy and more privileges. If you don't start to give her space now to allow her to make her own decisions, which some will be mistakes, she's always going to be by your side nagging you and then you will never get rid of her.....OR she'll leave and not want to go back.

If you don't allow her to make her mistakes now while living with you she is going to make the mistakes somewhere else and the out come of those mistakes could be much worse. If you help her now through her mistakes and her judgment calls she will end up being a stronger person when she is out on her own.

Best of luck to you and your daughter!

Answer 10

WOW! If she is comfortable in her own bed, why not let her sleep there. As for the curfew...all of our kids are to be in bed by 9:00 p.m. (Ages range from 4 months to 16 years). Thats not to say, they don't have a night light on reading a book or listening to headphones. They are not allowed to sleep on the couch. But I think there is more to you not trusting her, so you want her in your bed. Sorry I didn't get this answer to you before 9:30 p.m.

Answer 11

I personally think you are being unreasonable. Let her start growing up. Give her room and bed back to her. So what if her feet stick out, she wont mind. I think a 17 year old should be able to stay up till 11:00. She can handle it. Your being too strick, and you also need to stop making her sleep with you. She is at the age that she needs to start feeling independant. Shes growing up, give her room to do it!