Should brothers and sisters shower together?

Question

I recently had an argument with my mom because when she picks my son and daughter up to spend time with them at her house and they get dirty, she bathes them together. My son is 6 and daughter is 2. We don't even let him see me changing my daughter's diaper! My mom thought I am raising them with an ancient philosophy. Thing is I really feel strongly about this. Am I wrong? What else can I tell her?

Okay, I know eventually I will talk to my son and daughter about how each one is different, as a matter of fact, I have talked to my son about this. It's not that I think he will look at his sister with wrong intentions, my whole reason behind decisions I have made are to teach him to respect his sister. I was molested as a kid and not by strangers but family members, who obviously weren't taught when they were young about respecting someone else's body parts.

Answer 1

No, you aren't wrong. (Especially after I read WHY you chose to do what you do) I would have a good sit down talk with your mom. I'm not sure if you've given her the details of why the 'rule' is in place, but maybe she'd understand more if you did. If she still thinks that you are being silly about it, tell her that you love her very much, but until she can respect your decision as a mother, she isn't allowed to bathe the children PERIOD. Tough love. If that means that the kids don't get to go to grandma's as often, then that's a decision you'll have to make. I wish I knew how to "fix" your problem. I truly feel for you. This is a BIG deal if you ask me. Its not like she's giving them ice cream before they eat their dinner....

Answer 2

You are right! You're the mom. You set the rules. No apologies to anyone including your mother. This is a matter where you are the boss and you're the one taking control. Others may think that you're too old-fashioned or inhibited but those are just opinions and everybody has a different opinion on something.

Tell your mom that they are your kids and you want what YOU believe is right for your family. Be confident, stand firm and expect your rules to be respected.

Your confidence may surprise your mom a bit but she'll get use to it.

ETA: So many people nowadays complain about parents not taking charge of their children. Then when parents do take charge they think they need an explanation if it doesn't agree with their own beliefs. Why not just respect parents' values as is? I am very sorry you were molested and think it's sad that you had to give that explanation because others were questioning your rules as a parent. Why can't people just respect differences without questioning them all the time??? Childrearing is all about decisions parents think are best. Those decisions are going to be different from family to family.

Answer 3

If your son was 8 and your daughter was 4, I'd probably say they didn't need to shower or bathe together but at 6 and 2? Who cares? And why don't you let your son see you changing your daughter's diaper? That's a little extreme. He's not a sexual thinker at 6. He might ask why she doesn't have a penis and what a wonderful opportunity for you to talk about the physical differences between girls and boys. Personally, I think you're wrong, but they're your kids! I'm surprised that having a mom with the attitude your mom has, that you're a little prudish! I don't mean that as an insult---just couldn't think of a better way to put it!

Answer 4

My brother and I are a year apart and I remember my mom bathing us together until we were 4 and 5 years old. I see nothing wrong with it and we are not weird or scarred for life. Six and two might be a bit different, but nothing to worry about really. I see nothing wrong with your son being in the room when you change your daughter's diaper either. I think you're trying to avoid the inevitable, but that being said you mother should abide by your wishes when it comes to raising your children.

Answer 5

Well, i think it's normal for young siblings to take a bath together. I know i did when i was young. Altho it was with my sister. I dont think it's that bad. I guess if i have a daughter who's close to my sons age, i dont see why not.
But none the less, she should respect your wishes. You are the mom, and they are your kids. You need to tell her not to do it that way, or no bath at all.

Answer 6

I believe there is a time when it is wrong, but when they are real young, there isn't anything wrong with it. However, these are your children and you have the right to deside for them and your mom needs to respect your wishes. I might just be easier on her to since neither of them are old enough to be left alone in the tub. You could turn it into something positive. You know, a learning experience. The kids learn there are difference between them and that neither of them are allowed to invade the others space or body. Teach them good touch and bad touch. Have a talk with your mom and see if the two of you can work out something. Good Luck. Neither of you are wrong.

Answer 7

I think you're a bit over the top on it, there is nothing wrong with family members seeing each other naked if it's in the right context, as in getting a diaper changed. Give your son some credit, he's not going to be peeping at his little sister!! Unless, that is, you continue to teach him that it's so taboo, then he'll wonder what he's missing. There is a healthy level of nudity that is perfectly normal, you know~

Answer 8

Your personal and horrible events are unfortunately being taken out on your children.
Very natural but really now, the kids are less stressed, less curious and more comfortable with the more knowledge they have have the human body.
I am afraid that you are setting them up for insecurities and too much focus on why mommy is hiding the private parts.
I have 3 kids 5 and under and they know about what is private and what we call it and what their siblings call theirs. They are comfortable and always will be.
Good luck.

Answer 9

There is nothing wrong with the two showering together or him seeing you change her diaper. Your really weird and a little off.

I bathed with my brothers and sisters until I was about 10 years old and there was nothign sexual about it. Nor is it with your kids. It's just your thoughts that are wrong.

Answer 10

While I feel differently than you do about the bathing issue. I feel that teaching them to be comfortable with their bodies you shouldn't hide in shame, but on the same note you are the parent you make the rules. Your mother should respect your rules and parenting, if she doesn't and you feel that strongly about it perhaps you should consider the time your kids spend there without you to supervise.