I have a friend with older parents. The mom is really verbally abusive towards her, on a daily basis. It is so hurtful, what can I say to my friend to help her feel better about herself?
2007-07-13 12:18:11 · 9 answers · asked by ♣Social Butterflygirl 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My gut reaction says this woman has many unresolved issues, that have built up over many years, and unfortunately she is choosing to lash out at your friend in a hurtful and mean manner.
Maybe your friend has tried to speak to her mother, but I am guessing this has fallen on deaf ears. Best your friend can do is self-protect her heart and her spirit, and take an emotional step back. Absolutely not necessary for anyone ~ man, woman or child ~ to endure abuse from anyone, at anytime.
Give your friend a BIG hug and tell her she needs to look after herself. Life is too short to be so miserable on a daily basis.
2007-07-13 12:24:03 · answer #1 · answered by LiverGirl98 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A verbally abusive mum is not as rare as some may think. It's not nice, but your friends needs to learn to deal with it.
First thing, I hope she is no longer living with her parents? If she does it is imperative that she moves out immediately. Nobody can live in such environment and be happy.
So, if she is visiting and her mum is abusive, vote with her feet. Get up and leave and say something like, "Mum you are obviously not happy in my presence. If you feel you want to see me, give me a ring". And then stay firm, not ring the mother.
You must explain to your friend that she cannot change her mother, she can only change the way she reacts to her mother. By accepting the role of the victim she is not doing her mother any favours either, because abusers will continue to abuse if they are allowed to. By putting an end to it, your friend is actually helping her mother. Also, she owes it to herself to stop accepting the role of victim. It can easily become a 2nd nature and the in future she will repeat it over and over again with friends and men in her life. It is vital that she recognises it now. Tell her to say to herself, every morning three times, when she looks into the mirror. "I am not a victim. I am not a victim. I am not a victim". SHE needs to understand that the role of victim is one she chooses. Nobody (bar using physical violence and restraint) can force her to play the role voluntarily. Somebody victimises you, you stand up and either fight back, or remove yourself from the environment.
She is a victim by choice. If you can make her understand that, you will have done more for her than anything you can do by making her "feel good about herself". She needs to take a stand, and you can stand by her side, giving her much needed emotional support.
2007-07-13 12:38:19 · answer #2 · answered by Vicky 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel for your friend, No parent should be verbally abusive to their children. The parent may not like the way they act and they hate that behavior but to hate the child is a little extreme. maybe she is just taking it in the wrong way. maybe her parent is meaning she hates her behavior and wishes that she would grow up.
2007-07-13 12:21:24 · answer #3 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you're drawing a connection that's not there. "I hate you" whilst uttered from a livid 6 year old to his/her mom and dad is principally a knee-jerk emotionsl reaction. that is not a calculated attack or a conditioned fact. that is an expression of being *so* offended at that verify for putting a decrease. asserting "I hate (fill in ethnic/religious/etc team)", that may not an emotional reaction, it truly is extra conditioned and calculated. an more suitable parallel is from a newborn asserting "I hate you" to mom and pop whilst he won't have the ability to get the toy on the keep, to asserting "I hate all mom and dad." My youngest is the only one that has ever suggested "I hate you" and it became a thoroughly emotional reaction. suitable at that 2d isn't the time to impressive him approximately it. he's somewhat enraged (and youthful toddlers do have some particularly stable thoughts.) We frequently respond with, "all of us recognize you're offended and that's ok. yet we don't hate you, on an identical time as quickly as we are offended." often, that provokes tears and whilst he's calmed down, we technique it. We communicate approximately hurtful phrases that are from time to time suggested out of anger. So i'm unsure what you advise via "allowing" a newborn to assert he hates us. Do I spank him that minute or wash his mouth out with cleansing soap to tell him that announcing he hates somebody is incorrect? No. yet we do communicate approximately it in a concern and context that he can understand.
2016-10-21 04:45:44 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no parent should EVER tell their child they hate them. that is terrible. maybe there is something more going on then you can see. do what you can to make your friend feel good about themself, but maybe you should tell your friend to talk to another trusted family/ extended family member. you may want to let your own parents know as well so they can make sure everything possible is being done to protect your friend from abuse.
2007-07-13 14:34:47 · answer #5 · answered by chocolatelover2292 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's terrible a mom would do that to her child. I can't ever imagine saying hurtful things on purpose to one of my kids. She might just need to stay away from her. I know she's her mom, but even parents can be toxic.
2007-07-13 12:23:31 · answer #6 · answered by Brandy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell her there are a milllion people in this world and someone has got to dislike her but tons will lover her even if it is her mom
2007-07-13 12:21:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
she needs to fell good about herself and know her mom is wrong
and learn how to ignore it
2007-07-13 12:24:22 · answer #8 · answered by justmeandcaring 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
get out from the house..soon!
2007-07-13 12:21:04 · answer #9 · answered by angelbxtch 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋