i was rape at 14 and i got pregnant. i had to give my son up for adoption by force. now that i am 24 i would?

Question

like to meet him and to know hes ok but due to my mother i have no idea wheres my son at is there anyway i can look for him all i know is that the adoption agency name was bethany christian services(i think) do any one have any advice. I don't want to interfere with his live i just want a picture to remember him by since i never seen him before. dont you think i at least deserve that

Answer 1

I am so sorry that this all has happened to you. Relinquishing a child willingly is tough enough, but to have to do it under coerced circumstances is awful.

I have read some blogs of other birthmothers where they contacted the agency involved with the adoption and asked for a copy of their file. If they comply, usually all identifying information is blacked out.

Also, there is the possibility of communication being filtered through the agency to the family raising your son. Joslin is only partially correct, in that your loss and saddness shouldn't be placed on your son. Seeking some counseling or a birthmother support group would be an awesome idea. But that being said, I disagree with the rest of what she said because you did not choose this path.

Contact the agency. Request your file, see if they have any thing that the family has sent (sometimes adoptive families send updates to the agency just in case you go asking) and ask for their address to send some pictures and a letter asking for pictures.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I agree with the others who have said that you should contact the agency and let them know that you're willing to be found when your son decides to start looking and/or turns 18.

I'm not sure if you'd be able to contact him or receive a picture now, given his age. Which I understand must be terribly frustrating for you, since you didn't freely choose adoption. The best thing I can advise you right now is to have faith that his adoptive parents are providing him with a good life, and that someday you may have the opportunity to reach out to him. Letting the adoption agency know that you're willing to be contacted should help to ensure that the two of you can be put in touch as soon as possible.

In the meantime, I also agree with those who suggested that you get counseling (if you haven't already) to help cope with your loss. Also, a good counselor may be able to help you work through what you're going to say to him about the circumstances of his conception, once the two of you finally do reconnect. While I do understand why some people are cautioning you against telling him that he's the product of a rape, you need to be prepared for how you're going to address the situation w/your son. Certainly if he meets his birth mother, he will have questions about his birth father. Whether you choose to tell him specifically about the rape or not, you'll need to give him a response of some sort if he does ask the big question.

So sorry you've had to go through all of this, and I hope that everything works out for you in the end.

Answer 3

I am the product of rape. I was also adopted. I am a mother of 4 who has adopted 1 as well. I do think that you at least deserve a picture if not MORE. Legally for me, I had to wait til I was 21 yrs old to even LOOK for my birth mother. She legally couldn't look for me. I think that one day it would be wonderful for you to meet. Just wait til he is old enough to be mature enough to deal with everything. Its not interfering, you have every right to know. Hire a private investigator or (I know it sounds corny) call a talk show for help. You will have to be creative if you have no leads.

Make sure you get counseling before you take that journey. Deal with how your son came about first. I will keep you in my prayers. I am getting teary eyed because I can only imagine the pain you have and are going through. I commend you with the courage to even ask for help. It takes a strong women. Be determined, wait til the time is right, and DON'T EVER GIVE UP!

Answer 4

I know you're curious but contacting your son could be very detrimental to his emotional and psychological well being. He would only be 10 at this point and that's too young to deal with this. For HIS sake, leave it alone. If you HAVE to find some answers, just go through Bethany but do not contact him. They might be willing to at least assure you he went to a loving, wonderful home. My brother and sister-in-law actually adopted through them. They are a wonderful, christian agency. I saw the profiles of other couples waiting to adopt. They were ALL very nice couples who you could tell truly wanted to love a baby and give a baby a great home. I have no doubt your son went to a loving home where he is being given everything he needs. Try to put the past behind you and know that giving him up was the most loving thing you could've done. By giving him up for adoption, he will now be able to have a life that perhaps you couldn't give him.

Answer 5

Unfortunately he is not of legal age for you to contact him. I would recommend finding and contacting the agency that you placed him through and requesting that a consent to contact be put in the file. You can also write a letter to him in case he or his adoptive parents request any information. Each states laws are different regarding legal age. Some are 18 but other are as high as 25. Contact the agency or state and they can give you direction on what you can do at this point
Good luck

Answer 6

Go to
http://www.bethany.org
and find their mailing address. Write a letter to Bethany explaining the circumstances and that you'd like to know that he's ok. Ask them to contact the adoptive family for you, perhaps giving them a letter and/or picture to send to the family. The family may be willing to send you a letter and/or picture of their son in return, but they might not, too. It depends on the adoptive family and how comfortable they are with the prospect of sending it.

At the worst, though, you know that Bethany has your information and that when the child is 18 he can seek out out through Bethany if he desires.

There are also adoption registries online that you can go to and input your information. The adoptive parents could go there to seek you out and when the child is old enough, he can go there to seek you out, too.

Answer 7

First things first. I comend you on your decision to place the child up for adoption instead of aborting him since you concieved due to a rape. Alot of people cant understand why I dont support abortion even on rape cases, and you are a poster child on how you can carry a child, know you are unable to care for him, and give him that chance to have a happy healthy life, even though he wasnt concieved in love. It wasnt his fault. So kudos to you. Now back to your question. you need to contact the adoption agencey the adoption took place. If that doesnt work then contact the hospital you gave birth at and see if they can provide you with any info. If that cant work, jump on line and start searching though message borads and other locations. But you have to remember something, you son is only 10 years old right now.....so it will be hard to locate him. You might have to wait till he is the legal age of 18 inorder to locate him and have contact with him. Because you never know maybe by that time he will be looking for you to. I wish you the best of luck, and dont get discouraged. It might take you some time, because things like this dont happen over night. But eventually they will. Keep in contact with me and let me know how you do. God Bless and good luck hon.

Answer 8

I am so sorry for your situation, that is terrible that someone would force you to give up your son! You're an adult now, so don't worry about your mom's opinion. Contact Bethany, like everyone's been saying. Even if you aren't successful in meeting your son, ask to add a personal letter to the file, and he can read it if he ever comes looking.
<3 Kelsey

Answer 9

Do some research on the web. Google Bethany, the hospital, adoption information, people who are looking for parents, children. There's lots of resources on the web to give you a head start. Good luck!

Answer 10

I am an adoptive mother and have always encouraged my children to reach out to their birth parent's. Three of my children did so, and with two it was a great gift. My son found out he was the product of rape. His birth mother was also very young at the time in her early teens. It was so difficult for him to hear this. He has know this for over five years and it is still a burden for him. My advise is let the boy come to you when he is of age, and bond with him before you share this information. Or better yet, never tell him of the rape.