You swore you would not parent your children like your own parents-has that changed??

Question

As a child and teen I swore I would not do alot of things like my parents. Now I find (my daughter is 3) that I am starting to act alot like them. I hated my dad for over-reacting at silly things. Like when we spilled a glass of milk at the table. Christ we would be physically dragged from the table, given a slap or two or three and thrown into our bedroom. Now when my daughter does the same, I have to bite my tongue, I really want to shout at her. I wont do it cause I know how it made me feel. But why do I want to? Why do I feel like I have the same traits and reactions as them, even though i said I would be different?

Answer 1

when you are a child you think your parents tell you off for nothing and a lot of other things they complain or nag about,because as a child and teenager we all think we know best.but when we grow up and have children of our own we realise what our parents were actually doing was teaching us as best they can right from wrong,so we in turn do exactly the same to our children,they will think the same as they grow up,then do the same when they have children.mommy and daddy knows best so the saying goes,i think that is true in so many cases .we don't realise until we are put into their position lol

Answer 2

This is a GOOD Question (Star).

I ALWAYS said that I would do everything different with my Kids. I have a 1yr old son and as much as he upsets me I try not to break down. My parents spanked me and my sister with belts and I do NOT want to do that with my Kids. It taught me nothing at all when they did that. Just that I was scared of my Dad for the longest time. He had/has a BAD temper sometimes and Freaks over the smallest thing. So yea I totally see where your coming from. When my son upsets me sometimes I just wanna grab him and yell at him and spank him but I dont I try my best to keep my cool. I do how ever put him in his Crib and let him cry it out and take his toys away from him for 30min. Like right at this very moment he is screaming and balling his fist at me trying to get the keyborad. He knows he's not aloud to do that. So my husband is getting him telling him NO if he does it again we put him in his room. I think it works better to do that then abuse my Child. But everyone has there own opinions on Parenting.. Well, I hope I helped. Good Luck! :o)

Answer 3

Well, you're tempted to over react but you don't, isn't that a good sign?
3 year olds aren't troopers, my husband tends to forget it too. It doesn't mean that kids can't be taught a lesson when they really take the mick.

My daughter dropped her cuddly rabbit in the loo this morning after I repeatedly told her not to take it on the loo.
She also gave herself an electric shock unplugging her night light, which I had been forbidding her to do for months.

Well, she got a bigger telling off for the rabbit than for the electric shock, because she was shocked enough as it was, and the plug itself taught her the lesson. Her dad and my dad would have gone bezerk for both.

They play in the stairs until they miss a step and then they watch it for a while. Then they trip over their own feet again because they had gained more confidence.
Traumatising a kid into behaving in a certain manner with systematic punishment and shouting isn't the way. Warning them of the consequences of such and such an action prepares them to deal with the sometimes inevitable mishap.

You're doing well if you control yourself! Let your kid's embarrassment, guilt, fear of your reaction, common sense etc also play a part in your parenting so you can relax a bit.

Answer 4

We all go through that. I had an abusive parent, and he had an abusive parent. I had alcoholic grandparents as well. I have spent my whole life with the motto: the buck stops here.

The key is remembering. Biting your tongue and making the decision not to react, but to deal with the situation in front of you is the best way to start being different from your parents. They raised us from the information and the world they grew up in. We have the power every day to change the world for our children, to make better, more informed decisions about what we do when they have problems, accidents, and misbehave. Even when we slip into the habits of our parents tomorrow is another chance. Kids are wonderful, they give us fresh chances each and every day. Your aware of what you don't want to do and your learning....so is she. You'll do great. Have some faith in yourself!! Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 5

My parents had consistent expectations and consequences for us.I was raised with 4 brothers and 3 sisters.I don't think my parents were too strict ,more firm and fair.I have tried to apply the same environment for my children when they were young.I would prioritize my time so I could spend time with my daughters.I can remember making catalogue cutouts ,playing dress-up and playing grocery store with the real groceries. My parents would always take us to the Royal Ontario Museum ,old forts and historic sites.I was in awe of the knowledge my dad had,he seemed to know everything.For the most part my childhood memories are happy ones.I hope I have given my daughters happy memories. I have told my daughter your children will remember the time you spend together as they get older,it won't be important if your house was picture perfect or if you ate gourmet meals.The most important gift to your children is time,my parents gave it to me,I gave it to my daughters and I hope my daughter passes it on.

Answer 6

You ARE different though. Instead of overreacting you are biting your tounge. After a long day and the millionth cleanup, it's easy to want to start screaming when something ends up on the floor AGAIN, but the fact that you can remember how it hurt to get in trouble for an accident is a good thing.

Answer 7

Scary as all hell when you open your mouth and your mom or dad just jumps rite out isn't it? There have been times when I will be in mid sentence scolding one of my boys when I will stop and say to my self well **** when did I become my mom? What has happened is we have grown up and now know what our parents had to deal with on a day to day basis. Now I may not be quite as strict with my boys as my mom was with us but I do find that a lot of the Rules I hated or found just plain stupid as a kid/teenager I now have in my own home because I am now the parent and I can see why the are there and what they are for.

Answer 8

Wanting to do something and actually doing it, are two different things. You can't control the way you feel but you can control the things that you do. You have self control and know not to blow up over little things. Even though you may feel like it.
My mother would always tell me " If you don't stop crying, I'm spanking you". When my son is punished and won't stop crying, I feel like threatening him. But I don't simply because I remember how it felt as a child. I just let him cry until its all out of his system.

Answer 9

I said the same as you but as I get older I see the traits creeping in.
Luckily I [usually] recognise them and pull back.
I think our behaviour comes from both Nature and Nurture
Nature being the genes we inherited
Nurture being the behaviour we learnt.
As parents we can only do our best and learn from any mistakes we make. It's important we don't dwell on our mistakes or we can't move on.
Parenting isn't easy but nobody said it was, so I guess it's just a matter doing what we can and getting on with it.

Answer 10

I feel what youre stressing, as i too came from a similar background,
children do test us to see how far we will go but we must at all times know that we are the adults and should maintain control.
It can get difficult at times but deep down you can get through it.
The reason why you feel that you are reacting or feel the need to act in the same way as youre folks is coz when youre child is playing up or other stuff, in youre mind you have pasted the image of the bad experiances of what you went through, But what you must realise, thats youre fear and it is upto you not to make it a reality.
A child does not no from right or wrong but you do as you are whom the child looks up to at all times.
so no matter how hard it may seem at times always remember youre there for youre baby and know better.

dont beat yourself up about it
you must be a careing parent to admit youre feelings that shows that youre nothing compared to youre folks.

takecare