My guy NEVER initiates sex. What's a girl to do?

Question

Been together for a year and a half. Both 21. Currently living togther.

In the beginning, everything was fine. We had sex all the time. It was great! But, sadly, his sex drive has plummeted and mine has skyrocketed.

Right now, we haven't had sex in weeks. We went one week without it (not unsual for us nowadays) and then I started my period, which made for another week. I've been going crazy, wanting sex so bad I could taste it. Meanwhile, he couldn't care less. He's up for it if I initiate it, but otherwise he doesn't care.

We've talked about it before and I always tell him that it makes me feel unattractive when he doesn't approach me. He says he'll work on it, but we're still in the same rut. I don't mind initiating sex once and a while, but to do it all the time is too much. I'd like him to share the responsibility. I've tried sexy outfits, whipped cream, the whole nine yards. Those things worked fine once or twice, but now we're in the same place again. What should I do??

Before someone mentions it, he's not on any medication or anything like that. No problems there.

I also know that he isn't cheating on me. We love each other very much and he's affectionate in non-sexual ways (hugs, kisses, telling me he loves me), but it just seems like the thought of sex doesn't enter his mind.

I can't find anything that really turns him on enough to coax him into initiating sex, either. Like I said, I tried the lingerie and whipped cream and even new sexual positions, but none of it has stuck.

He says he's afraid to get turned down, but I hardly ever turn him down for sex unless I'm dead tired. I have no idea where he gets that idea from. Most of the time I'm just waiting for some kind of cue to get started, because I'm starting to feel like a nympho begging for it all the time!

Answer 1

Maybe theres' something else going on in his life that he hasn't clued you in on, that's also contributing to his diminishing sex-drive?

But as for initiating it all time the, gosh, how do you think guys feel when they're taught that they're the ones that are supposed to initiate sex.

Give your boyfriend a chance to stave off for awhile...who knows, maybe in a month he'll bounce back. Until then, get yourself a good vibrator.

Answer 2

The theory is that a man and a woman do not have compatible sex drives for a reason. It's so the other can help carry them through. See, in maybe 2 years, your sex drive may not be there as much and his will counteract that and become higher and he'll do more initiating. The idea behind this is that both partners work equally hard to get each other physically through life without being too exhausted because if the sex drives are equal, it's too much. Stick with it and do what you can. Time will alter the situation.

Answer 3

Not at all - It is more of a turn on for a guy if the girl either takes charge, initiates sex or responds to what ever he is doing during sex. Otherwise the guy may as well just be having sex with a blow up doll... nice to look at but boring as hell to be with.

Answer 4

Short and sweet! Leave him and find yourself someone new. If he act this way now what's going to happened in 5 to 10 years huh? You would go crazy and i think he got 'something' on the sideline..........Hope i am wrong but all the indications shows that way.....Remember, the man is the hunter and must initiate it at least 80% The 20 % initiation from women makes sex life great!

Answer 5

I don't know what to tell you. My ex husband was the same way. There's something un natural about a wife having to ask her husband for sex. Luckily that's in the past and I have a guy that can't keep his hands off me!!

I would tell him it's not a little problem, that it's a huge problem! Tell him that it's seriously effecting your relationship and if it continues will eventually destroy it.

Answer 6

Ew. Pervs. Don't you hate it when you get pointless answers? Anyway, try NOT initiating it. Dress in your sexiest outfits or tease him a lil, but don't let him have it. He may decide he wants it after a while. If that doesn't work...Dress in sweats and pull your hair up and eat ice cream. Sometimes, women are the sexiest when they are comfortable just lounging. And then...plan C... Slip Viagra in his drink!!! ;)

Answer 7

A couple of things could be the problem. First, he may be cheating on you. If that's not the case....is he watching a lot of porn when you're not around? That'll kill it because he's taking care of himself a few times a day.

Answer 8

Dont worry, sex does feel good. But just talk to him and ask him whats wrong and just tell him that you need it strongly. He will definitley approve and he will give you something special. Good luck and take many more advices if mine doesn't work..

Answer 9

I don't mean to be rude, but you should dump him. He is not confident enough for you to initiate sex and it sees like you need someone who is comfortable in his own skin where sex is concerned. Furthermore, I have to wonder if he is gay or not. Just curious.

Answer 10

I guess just hang in there and keep initiating it...he'll come around eventually. If that doesn't work, keep trying different things to keep him interested. My personal favorite are karma sutra cards.