I have family members (grandmother and aunt) that are pressuring me to settle down. However, I do not want to settle for just anyone like they did. I have been through a couple of relationships that did not end well and I am not sure about getting involved with someone. When I have dated it has been people I have just ran into or setups. None of them worked out for one reason or another. I have decided to work on my career and volunteer for different organizations. I would rather volunteer my time to people that would appreciate it. Is it wrong to give up and just start thinking about yourself? I am all for falling in love with someone but I am not going to force it. Why don't they understand?
2007-07-13 08:10:08 · 28 answers · asked by Jen_n_TX 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
No, and don't let anyone pressure you to settle down. Here is the best advice you will get. Date 3,4,5,6,7 guys at a time, not only will it show your pressuring family members that your making an effort, but it will also tell you allot about the guys you are dating. If you tell every guy that you are not looking for long term at the moment, and that your dating the world to see if there is a guy to have a long term relationship with, then the insecure losers will move on. This will help you determine if you can find or want a long term relationship. You have to look before you know if you want it or not. Don't be stupid and say to yourself"oh I wish I had a long term relationship". You don't know what you want. You can't say I am craving monkey brains if you never had it. The strong guys that have something going on will step up. Plus this will help you define your own character and know what you don't want.
How do you know you are all for falling in love with someone? That is a very insecure assumption. Remember monkey brains. You have to taste them before you crave them. You have to meet your future husband before you can say I want to fall in love. If you know who with, then you know what it is you crave.
2007-07-13 08:12:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you take your time and do what makes you happy, eventually you'll find the right person. Being in love isn't something you should have to force, it's something you should wait for.
Perhaps a good thing to tell them would be that you'd rather wait and meet someone who has similar interests as you, and you think you can do that by pursuing those interests. A classic quote about being in love is that "Real love isn't about two people gazing into each other's eyes, it's about two people walking side by side and hand in hand, looking toward a common goal."
Finding a mate isn't the be-all and end-all of your existence, nor should it be. It sounds like you're a very smart, very self-sufficient woman who doesn't need a man to feel comfortable with herself. Maybe your family members don't understand that you're okay with waiting for Mr. Right to come around.
2007-07-13 15:15:35 · answer #2 · answered by Nina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They want to see you happy and secure.. a family unit.. what they are feeling isnt wrong, but what they are doing is. No matter what they feel or say, its you that matters. And i think that if focusing on your career is right for you at the moment,, then thats what you must do. Lots of men and woman do that. Love will come along eventually.. theres no hurry. Im a voluntary worker as well and even though i devote myself to my family.. I have little friends.. i give everything i have to those who i believe need and appreciate what i can give. Its more rewarding than anything I have ever done.. I was doing this before i fell in love and had my son.. but I know where you are coming from. You build up your future and give to those you will Cherish you for it.. Try and talk to your family and make them understand this.. and ask them not to worry.. you are not lonely, and in need of love right now... One day you will and when that time comes.. it will be for the right reasons.. i wish you all the luck in your future hun..
2007-07-13 15:18:16 · answer #3 · answered by Twinkle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who says that focusing on yourself means giving up on love? Yes, focus on yourself. Love yourself first and establish a healthy relationship with who you are. Just do things that make you happy. Volunteering is very admirable. If you stay focused on your goals and stay on the right path you have chosen for you, you will meet others who feel/think the same way..and who knows, you may meet the one special person one day when you least expect it.
They do understand, they know, and they wish it was them. That's my guess (they have the exact same emotions as you do...and I bet they wish they hadn't of rushed it back then - watch - if you pry and ask how they met each other and all the details the truth will come out - I did with my mom (who's divorced) and it's so funny the things they don't tell you unless you ask). Don't worry, when they see how well you are doing, they may start to give you some more room, pressure you less. Don't worry what they think, worry about what you think about yourself and your happiness. Good luck!
2007-07-13 15:17:39 · answer #4 · answered by MelBu 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to me it does not sound like you are giving up on love at all .
love is a broad spectrum term often misused.Haven't people the ones pressuring you learned that picking someone just for the sake of marring or settling down or just plain settling just leads to divorce or a stunt in personal development.
I hope you haven't given up on the possibility of that situation being a positive contribution to your future ,but it does not sound so. Dear if you want to volunteer instead of date right now and or use the time for personal development. Bravo!!
As for worrying who understands and who doesn't it cant be our responsibility to always have to justify to the world and families why we are making the decisions we are making because eventually we are accountable for our own decisions and have to live with them. you go girl and make your contributions to the world as you see fit . You are fantastic and are an inspiration.
2007-07-13 15:19:51 · answer #5 · answered by dancfan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you can do is think of yourself and take care of yourself and be comfortable with who you are before you can ever be successful in a relationship. You need to be able to give that person you're all and if you barely know who you are how can you do that. So what you're doing is smart. And don't worry it will come to you when you least expect it. the best relationships are usually the ones where you become good friends first and them move from there. that could be why getting se tup and all that hasn't worked. good luck and hope it all works out
2007-07-13 15:14:57 · answer #6 · answered by blessed mommy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that this should come naturally.
Love is not something that should be forced or pressured upon somebody.
You can go ahead and work on making other people happy, that is a very good thing to do...
but you shouldn't give up on Love.
Maybe just take some time off...?
Maybe that person will just... happen upon you...
Tell your family to back off of it.
You will do as you wish.
DO NOT SETTLE FOR JUST ANYONE.
It is not fulfilling, nor will it ever be.
2007-07-13 15:14:20 · answer #7 · answered by panics_for_peace 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know why they don't get it but it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. I am so jealous of you right now only because you're looking at your career first. Good for you being so smart and wanting to take your time and wait for the right guy. I finally found the right guy but I jumped right into everything before he came along and I wish I could have done things differently. Keep thinking about yourself and career and the like. GOOD FOR YOU!!!! May you get everything in life you have always dreamed of. Ok, I'm done being cheesy!
2007-07-13 15:14:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can totally understand how a parent might "understand", by raising my daughter. I so hope she gets the modeling job she wants, but know that she should find something to pay the bills....
My cousin in law just got married this spring. She didn't settle for anything. She saw him for months and months, and years and years........I remember when she rolled her eyes at mentioning him, but I guess his persistence won out. Don't give up on guys being persistent to you, either....
This guy is a great doctor, and won her over by persistence. The ones that keep at you are the ones that really love you. :-)
I had it easy, my husband was in the Navy and we met and he made it a point to see me every day that he could, until the Navy told him that he had to leave and couldn't see me....My husband is very passionate about life, but I understand about some men and women not being that way........
My suggestion, don't give up on love, you will definately find someone who is right for you if you just keep praying to God for your soul mate, and being faithful to him, that way, in the meantime.....when you are single.......
When you are married, the prayer times need to step up a notch and consider kids, time together, times where the enemy has chances, etc.....
Be a great prayer maiden for Christ.....
2007-07-13 15:21:15 · answer #9 · answered by kaliroadrager 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sure that once in your life time your going to need love but you may not be ready for it right now so slow down and let the time pass u down, as of your grandmother and aunt let them no and understand that you are not ready for commitment and that it may take awhile for u to ever settle down.
2007-07-13 15:15:40 · answer #10 · answered by In love! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋