I'm 31, married, one kid and one on the way. My dad and I were never close, my parents divorced when I was 2 and I've never lived with my dad. I've always wanted to be close to him and have gone out of my way to spend time with him in the past. I know he loves me, but he's a difficult person to get close to. My dad owned a little beer bar for 10 years and I don't drink but I went there often just to be near him and hope for just 5 minutes of his time. 3 months ago he told me he was tired of the bar business and wanted to sell it. He did ask me not to tell anyone but in my stupid way of thinking, that didn't apply to my mom and I told her. Well, she told someone who told someone and it got back to my dad. He called and literally cussed me out on the phone. Said I betrayed him and he couldn't trust me and generally broke my heart. My mom and I stand to gain nothing from him selling the bar and the only reason he didn't want anyone to know was to avoid a bunch of questions.
2007-07-13 06:35:51 · 12 answers · asked by Brandy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It's been almost 3 months and now I'm angry at him for acting this way towards me. Also, I'm due to give birth in a month and I don't think I'm going to tell him when I go to the hospital to deliver. My dad also hates my husband and didn't want me to have this baby in the first place. So my question is, if it were your dad what would you do? Also, if someone didn't want your child to even exsist, would you still invite them to the hospital to celebrate the birth?
2007-07-13 06:38:34 · update #1
He's not talked to me at all in 3 months, no phone calls, nothing. Has nothing to do with his grandson either. I feel like I've been disowned.
2007-07-13 06:41:09 · update #2
Having a child is the most wonderful thing you will ever do! Do not invite your father to the birth. I can see why your mom could not live with him. There will come a day when your dad will realize he is missing out on thr lives of his grandchildren. Until then you need to protect your self from his emotional abuse as well as your children. Maintain an atmosphere of peace for your family. Your Dad has no right to disapprove of your husband after you are married. He can either support you in your choices or get out of the way so you can live your life in peace.
2007-07-13 06:49:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should apologize to your father for not keeping his secret - even if the secrecy seemed unnecessary, you still did promise to keep it. So apologize sincerely, and remind him that you never meant to betray or hurt him, and you never dreamed it would upset him so much or cause him any problems, or you would never have done it.
Whether or not he chooses to accept your apology and apologize in return for overreacting, is his choice. If he does, then you can kiss and make up. If he doesn't, then the ball is in his court.
In this case I wouldn't invite him to the hospital, but I would definitely send him a birth announcement. If he can't behave politely and graciously towards your husband or your child, even for your sake, then he shouldn't be allowed to visit the hospital or your home. But you should let him know there are no permanent hard feelings on your part, and let him know you and the child are doing well.
2007-07-13 06:45:32 · answer #2 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, heres the thing. If you don't invite him, then you get to be just as childish as he was with the betrayal thing. Your a Mom. No reason for you to be a childish adult just because your Dad is.
Invite him to the birthing of your baby. If you do, he will see that you took the high road. If he doesn't come, or continues to act that way, let this tantrum be his, and not yours too.
Unfortunatly, some dads are just not good dads, however, given enough opportunies to BE a dad, some bad dads and get to be OK.
2007-07-13 06:56:44 · answer #3 · answered by Timberwolf 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As the daughter of an alcoholic father who often chose aggression when he was under the influence I know that the angry words mean nothing really. When Dad got sick and had to quit drinking, all of those arguments were guilt heavy burdens he carried - even though we told him , we loved him, you could tell it was still on his mind. We didn't give up on him, we pushed and pushed our way into his life and never gave up and after years of all of us getting to know each other through the pain, tears and happiness...he drew his last breath with all of his children holding him on the hospital bed as he left this earth guilt free and surrounded by love. Life is so short, don't let this stop you, keep pushing...he doesn't know yet how wonderful you are...but he'll learn.
2007-07-13 06:42:56 · answer #4 · answered by YankeeBelle 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You did break a promise you made to him.Did you apologize to him for that?You should have.
However,I don't think it should have gone this far.Not speaking to you for 3 months is a bit much and taking it out on his granchild is going too far.He needs to rethink his actions.
Someone has to break the ice but it's up to you if you want to do that or not.No one can make the decision for you about calling him when your new baby is born.If you want him in your life or not is up to you.
You say he loves you so maybe he deserves another chance.He is the only father you'll ever have and he is your children's grandfather.Sometimes we have to be strong and make the first move even though it's against our better judgement.
CONGRATS on the new baby and God Bless.
2007-07-13 06:58:13 · answer #5 · answered by sonnyboy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You betrayed your dad's confience, even if YOU have been the one to make the effort to form a relationship in the past... you told your mother.. people can't resist talking and gossip... it's YOUR fault he is upset.... not his.
i'm sure that, given time, he will get over it.
he doesn't like your husband and is making it HIS problem? your relationship with your husband has nothing to do with him, and it's none of his business. he has to accept your choices, or be miserable about it for eternity. i assume your husband never did anything to him?
meanwhile, call him after the baby is born, he might turn over a new leaf with a grandchild around? babies tend to soften people.
i don't know what else to say.
2007-07-13 06:43:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds to me as tho you are in a position NO CHILD (of any age) should be in. And that is BETWEEN your parents.
You are an adult. Make the decisions that YOU feel comfortable with. There is NO need to please either of your parents for THEIR sake. All need to love and accept each other for WHO each of you are. If that's not possible, sorry to say, there shall be no harmony between you all.
2007-07-13 06:43:05 · answer #7 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That was a bit silly. I'm sure your dad will get over it but it might take him time.
Point out that you're just a woman and sometimes we gossip, we just can't help ourselves, then apologise loads and buy him a present.
2007-07-13 06:41:14 · answer #8 · answered by poppyfields 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that was an excuse for him to not communicate with you.
He should get over it... but you shouldn't have told your mom and you should be angry at her for opening her mouth.
2007-07-13 07:27:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to honor your parents but it is not your duty to follow their advice to make wrong choices.ther is also a quote for parents don't provoke your children to anger.you should still hold no malice and invited him during your delivery and i know to a fact he will not able to welcome that litle angel and stop him or her to come into this world. good luck.
2007-07-13 06:45:43 · answer #10 · answered by firewall 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋