I have a teenage son (16 yrs). Actually, he is my step-son, but we have full custody for the past 4 yrs. Sadly, he grew up most of his life in a house where MEN were considered lower than dirt. However, it is not that way in our house. My husband works really hard and is giving the utmost honor and respect from all of us. We have 2 other children, (my step-daughter 12yrs and my son 12yrs) My husband and I have no other children together. From day one, they have all been ours! My oldest son (16yrs) has always had low self-esteem. We have tried everything to build this up. We give a lot of praise around here for anything. It had gotten so bad, we had to seek counseling. He keeps us laughing at home or around the family 24/7. In public or at school, he is painfully shy and rarely says anything. He has NO friends. NONE! Never has. My 2 12yr olds have friends calling or coming over or going over there house all the time. This is not a geeky, nerdy, guy!
2007-07-13 06:25:27 · 6 answers · asked by horsecrazy72 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
About the job. That is something we are dealing with right now. He is so scared to death he will screw up at a job, he is scared to get one. He is a hard worker -he helps us around the house with everything! He was mowing some yards to pay for a system in his brand new truck we bought him. I got him the mowing jobs through friends and they brag on the work he does, endlessly. Only, it is defeating our purpose to get him around other people. Mowing yards is solitude work. He has enough solitude. I know this may sound terrible to some, but we make sure he wears the most expensive, popular, clothes to school and he drives the best truck. We were really reaching for anything to boost his self-esteem. Plus, he deserves it. Like I said, he works hard around here helping out with yard, swimming pool, house, family, good grades, etc., without having to be asked. He is a dream kid! Would I be crossing the line if I went and found him another job around other teens?
2007-07-13 07:04:29 · update #1
No, he doesn't like the learning part of school. He goes, because he has to. I have been thinking back to my years in highschool and I cannot identify him with one person I knew. A goodlooking guy, who has a brand new truck, wears all the "cool" clothes and doesn't talk or have any friends?
2007-07-13 08:26:25 · update #2
It sounds like the combination of being a teenager (which sucks in itself) and having a previously rough home life has probably caused him to become withdrawn.
This may be something that only time will tell on. It is probably good that you have seeked counseling at least that way you have an outside opinion. You never know...one day he may make a new friend and never be home anymore. Since he is 16 maybe you should encourage him to get a part time job that will help him with social skills.
Otherwise, unless you think he could do harm to himself or someone else just ride it out. I am sure he will be fine. Guys tend to need time to find themselves and figure things out.
2007-07-13 06:33:03 · answer #1 · answered by Macho Duck 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, is he HAPPY being alone? Some people are just loners, you know. Maybe he likes solitary hobbies, like reading? Is he a good student? Does he enjoy school -- and I mean, the important part of it, the learning part?
I never had a friend as a child -- EVER. It worried my parents immensely, and at one point they too dragged me into counseling. I could never make it as part of a crowd. I never learned how to be cool. I never liked the right kind of music, was largely indifferent to spectator sports, had really esoteric academic interests that other kids didn't care for, and was simply incapable of learning the proper jargon that the popular girls possessed. And you know what? Not to toot my own horn, but I didn't end up as a shriveled-up hermit -- I went to an Ivy League college, became a lawyer, had a rich dating life, married, had a kid, traveled the world, got an exciting job. Not bad for a bespectacled high school recluse. And on top of that, as a grown-up, I did eventually find a crowd to hang out with.
So don't worry so much. It's great that you are supportive, but don't push your step-son to conform. High school is grossly overrated, anyway -- it's such a minor part of life. Instead, try to channel his difference from everyone else into a unique strength -- and that will boost his self-esteem and make him less shy.
2007-07-13 08:00:06 · answer #2 · answered by Rеdisca 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like you're doing great things for your son at home, and that's exactly where you needed to start. counseling was a great move too. it will take time for him to get past being beaten down in the other household. in addition to what you're doing, i think enrolling him in an extracurricular activity oustide of school would be good for him. martial arts does wonders for self esteem. and maybe around another group of kids he would open up more. i wouldn't find a job for him, but keep encouraging him to try to get one on his own. once he does, it will give him one more thing for him to be proud of himself for. make sure he knows it's okay not to be the best at something and if it doesn't work out with one job, there are tons of other jobs out there to try.
2007-07-13 07:27:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that he has a sense of humor in private settings is a favorable sign. Nevertheless, extreme shyness in public with no friends is worrisome, especially with regard to his earlier upbringing. Consider consulting an adolescent psychologist or psychiatrist. Continue trying to build his self-esteem.
2007-07-13 06:35:20 · answer #4 · answered by greydoc6 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its painful not to have friends. i consider myself to be a recluse as well...your son probably suffers from a social anxiety disorder. i know i do sometimes...i get all worried about how other people will judge me. Of course...i have a disability..so this probably undermines my self esteem. Your son probably doesnt feel like he's on the same level as other people. as to how to help your son..i'm not sure how...since i'm in the same boat. i'd offer to talk to your son and be his friend..but since you've only met me on the net...you'd probably not trust me. which i can understand
maybe you should take your son to a self esteem clinic at a local psychology center. i've heard of clinics like that.
2007-07-13 06:37:44 · answer #5 · answered by sophia Grace 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like an interenal issue he is dealing with. maybe he is affraid to open up to you. maybe he gets picked on at school. kids are mean now a days. it could even be possible that he is gay. i am not saying he is, but a lot of kids seclude themselves because they think there is something wrong with themselves. good luck, be supportive no matter what and love him.
2007-07-13 06:34:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋