My boyfriend who I've been with for an year now, had came to my country, 12 hours flight, all over to see me. Although he wasn't the type I'd go out with usually, I loved him, and I knew he loved me.
I always found trouble how he was a contracter, and changed companies every 6 months, drinked, smoked, and sometimes get high. He also doesn't have any goal in life other than being with his love...which for me is basic and essential. He is very charming, funny, genuine and sweet in many ways, but I thought he wasn't the best man to marry.
After 3 months of blocks, 10 days ago he came to visit me in Japan, secretly studied Japanese, met my parents, and had wonderful time together. It was a costy trip for him, but he prepared all for the moment. He went on his knees and asked me to marry him at a wonderful situation.
But I just couldn't say Yes. I was worried, relationship in love and marriage is different... He walked away from my house right now but I still want to be his best friend
2007-07-13 06:13:13 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
We had a talk before he left. He thinks the most important thing in life is to find someone you love for the rest of your life. I also find that important, but I think it's also important to be with someone who could share the goal in life, and achieve something together.
I know his words might be more romantic, but I just feel it's no thinking.
Am I cold blooded? What should I do...is there anyway I could make this up?
Any serious suggestions from a guy would be greatly appreciated.
I hurt his pride a lot...
2007-07-13 06:16:54 · update #1
marriage is something you really have to be sure about. If you want to be just friends with this man you should tell him and if he really does care for you, he will respect your wishes.
2007-07-13 06:20:52 · answer #1 · answered by Venomous Doll 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not a guy here, but I can tell you that from what you said the dude really cares and loves you very much. I would have a hard time throwing all that away for goal in life. I understand what you are saying, but there are those that have goals in life that doesnt know what the word love means. I feel that if you find someone who will go to the end of the earth and back and love you unconditionally.... that is a great goal to achieve in this day and time. I realize also that some people you cannot change. But if you feel that you could not marry someone without goals in life, you did the right thing for you. You have to be happy with your partner as well. Marriage is growing together, learning, sharing, caring in bad times as well as good. Only you have to determine what you would be willing to put up with. Good luck. You are lucky to have had someone that cared that deeply for you. Most people only dream of that kind of relationship.
2007-07-13 13:27:40 · answer #2 · answered by Peanut Butter 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do have reason to worry if he is a drinker and gets high and does not have goals in life. If he continues on that track and you guys get married that is going to cause a problem. I don't think you are cold blooded, I think you are thinking and that is smart. Just let him know that unless things change you will be unable to marry him and if he cares enough he will consider it, if not, you may have to move on. It's nice to be able to be friends after a relationship but sometimes it is not possible. I wish you the best of luck!
2007-07-13 14:39:06 · answer #3 · answered by frawlicious 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You probably won't be able to continue the relationship as his best friend. He's emotionally devastated that you don't see him the same way he sees you. If you don't feel it in your heart, you definitely did the right thing by not saying yes, but it's still going to be hard for him. You can't be rejected by someone and still keep the same relationship.
Let him put some distance between the two of you, and after he gets over the pain of unrequited love, you might be able to have a friendship at some point in the future.
2007-07-13 13:17:24 · answer #4 · answered by Scotty Doesnt Know 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What did you mean by ' not my type ' ? May be you should get to know him better and may be you'll see that he's different. But if you're afraid say no and don't think about it. have a little talk with him about just staying friends.
2007-07-13 13:18:28 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, at least now you can live wonderful than to live in a regreting state of mind for the rest of you life. man that would suck to be turned down, i know he is still crying!
2007-07-13 13:20:44 · answer #6 · answered by dojo boys* A /\/\ecH 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's a mess.
your instincts are in good working order...
don't marry a drunken person who has no plans or goals, and who just floats through life without a purpose
if you think it's bad now, call him in 10 years -- it can only get worse!!
RED FLAG!!
2007-07-13 13:18:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Us Men have a girlfriend who we have a relationship with (Sometimes Love ) we go out together spend time together have sex together ,make future plans with etc.
We also have girl - friends who we spend time with, go to the pub with, go to sports matches with etc
THE TWO ARE VERY DIFFERENT !!
THEY DON'T INTERCHANGE !!
Decide which category you are in, You cant be in both !!
2007-07-14 04:26:32 · answer #8 · answered by EdinItalia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Best that you are both sure,,
see what his goals are in 6 months
2007-07-13 13:21:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm... maybe you should because he seems like a very charming guy and also you won't find a lot of guys out there that are like him. So maybe you should.
2007-07-13 13:17:50 · answer #10 · answered by anspieker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋