how do you deal with the pain of loneliness and living alone?, having no one in your life, never having made?

Question

any friends, never having had a partner or a girlfriend, and in the present day, your very alone and lonely, and despair at night falling and the world going silent, because them horrible feelings intensify...and in the same breath its not easy to change my circumstances and access people because i have bpd, very low self esteem, feelings of unworthyness, which make it difficult to form friendships and relashionships and maintain them....because as soon as i do encounter anyone, i get clingy, needy, crave intimacy, struggle for conversation,& never feel good about who iam, this always shows itself, & people are frightened away from me...
im now 30 & have never been fullfilled in life in anyway, i dont have anyone except my mum, whos stood by me through everything, and im very acutley alone, lonely & isolated....the feeling is like being on your own, drifting in outer space, cold and alone forever and ever..unbearable..& yet i have dreams in life to i dont no how to reach, dreams of

emmigration from the uk, and moving far away fing a happy fullfilling life....i feel stuck here right now, trapped, like ill never reach them desired goals

Answer 1

I have so been where you are before. I can relate and I've been there before. Unfortunately, your attitude is self fulfilling. Like you said, when you do encounter someone, you become clingy and needy. It's a two-fold problem isn't it? You are alone and so you feel lonely. Then, whenever you meet someone, you drive them away with your loneliness. There is no easy answer, but I'll share with you what I did to help me. To qualify, I moved to a small town where my girlfriend was known, but I was not. She was accepted and I was not. Others wrote her and she wrote others, but others didn't write me and and I didn't write others. I was alone where loneliness was more than a state of mind.

My first step was to go through a psychiatrist and a therapist. Through the help of a psychiatrist, I was helped on the depressive end of it and through the help of a therapist, I learned how to change the way I feel by changing the way I think. What I learned from the help of others was to be my own best friend. I wasn't happy with my brown hair, so I dyed it blond. Where I was seeking friends who were kind and intelligent, I became kind and intelligent. I also wrote others on Yahoo! Answers just as I will write you and you can write me. By doing so, I created my own network of friends who respect me and like me for who I am. But I had to take the first step. I had to learn to love myself and to be my own best friend.

Am I accepted yet in my town? No way! Am I accepted and respected as a scientist offline? No way! But I'll tell you what. I have a lot more friends now than I did before on Yahoo! Answers because I have learned to like myself and be my own best friend. So what's happened now is that others want to be around me for my positive attitude. Don't give up and I will write you to start. But remember also that your thoughts are energy and that you create your own reality. A negative attitude will only bring negative results. No one wants to be around a victim. But they do want to be around a survivor!

Answer 2

No one who has lived for thirty years can say you have not touched others. Friendships start small and grow. Stop and look at the people in your life. You play a game with people you don't let them into the inner you, you only show the world you want them to see. If it takes a cage to hold the inner you then build it. In writing what you do you are showing to much back off and slow down, life will come to you on its own time.

Answer 3

Happiness is a journey and you have to work for it.
Depression is only a level and you have to pass it, you are 30 years old and it is time for you to figure out what you want to do in your life with your life. If you were happy once, why don't you come back there? or why don't you create new happy things for you right now? Humans are not perfect beings, so your happiness can not be somebody else responsibility, you have to find the way to be happy on your on, then look for somebody to share your life, this way you will not be so needy.
Maybe you should try to make a trip, change your perspective and you will appreciate what you have
Enjoy yourself, don't be sad and good luck

Answer 4

the best advice i can think of giving is to join a local club or do a course on learning some extra skills, this'll get you out of the house and take your mind off things. the club doesn't even have to be something your really into, its more to do with the other people in the club than what the club is about. obviously if its something you're into you'll have a great time. i realize how tough this can be when your not too confident but i did the above and it did me a load of good. after suffering a panic attack on arrival for my first night on a beginners computer course i was fine and it gave me the confidence to join a club and get out and about a bit more.

Answer 5

Maybe it is time to move back to the UK? if you were happier there and led a more fulfilling life then it might help you . If this is not an option then your going to have to reach out to others and take the chance of getting hurt. It seems like you are aware of the issues that are hard for you and i think that is good .
Counseling can help you deal with better ways of coping with all of your feelings too. Happiness is not a given. Most of the time we have to work hard to get there, and sometimes it can be more difficult for people who already struggle.
I do not know if you are depressed too, however, there are medications to help with that.
Good Luck

Answer 6

Join a support group. Is there an activity or sport you may be interested in where you can meet people with the same interests. You really have to go out there and expose yourself to the world. When you can have a life you can be comfortable with you will be able to find someone who will love you but you have to learn to love yourself.

Answer 7

I am dealing with the same thing now. I don't have a real boyfriend or alot of friends. I try to read in the evening or watch no scary movies at night

Answer 8

You dont want to hear this but we give you advice every day.. When are you going to make effort to think positive,, Quit staying home get out see the great world out there

Answer 9

I think you are wrong in believing that most people or maybe even some people have a happy and fulfilling life. Life sucks always has always will. You feel alone - who doesn't. The only person you can count on is yourself.

Answer 10

Hey, keep you head up, there is someone out there for you. You will find someone what will be patient and support, although it is hard to find, there is someone out there waiting to be found. Keep searching, never give up.