My Mother inlaw won't listen to me or my husband?

Question

My husband and I have repetedly asked my mother inlaw to not give our son pop because he is 3 yrs old and she wont listen she gives it to him anyways with the reasoning of "its mostly watered down" or "you guys drink pop why can't he?" there my father inlaw listens about the no pop thing but she dont. she also dont brush his teeth but she takes the time to brush hers every night and morning! our son goes to there house every weekend he already has 2 cavaties I think its from the pop she gives him and don't brush his teeth our insurance has a 20% co-pay not very cheap but its like she dont care or she knows more than we do because she is older, how can we get threw her thick skull on these issues the dentists office gave me info to for her but she just throws it away, I don't want to have to keep my son away from her but I do want her to STOP giving him pop and I want her to start brushing his teeth, my husband wont say anything because "they have helped us alot financially" What to do?

Answer 1

Have you tried talking to the father-in-law about it? If he respects your opinion of pop or "no" pop, couldn't he perhaps be able to convince his wife that pop is not a good thing for a 3 year old?! I understand your mother-in-law wanting to "spoil" her grandchild, my mom and mother-in-law are the same way w/ my 3 children. Since they do not see their grandparents very often, I tend to bite my tongue and allow them to do their spoiling. But in your case, since your son is there every weekend, your mother-in-law should really respect your decision of not wanting your son to drink pop. That's the trouble w/ today's society no one seems to be able to understand why there are so many over-weight children today. (Not saying that your child is over-weight) But if we set a "lifestyle" for these children at 3 years old by drinking pop and if you figure over time all the pop they will consume even as they get older, that adds up to ALOT of unnecessary fat in their systems! As for the cavaties, I'm not saying the pop is the full cause of it, but it surely cannot help. Being that we live in the country, and I know our water does not contain flouride, you definetely need to be sure that your child sees the dentist every six months so that they can maintain those flouride treatments. Last resort, if your mother-in-law can't abide by your rules w/ your father-in-law's help, then I would limit your son's visits w/ them and be there during the entire visit to monitor his fluid intakes. Its a shame that you have to feel that just because they helped you out financially that they are able to keep a hold over you just because of that. Your husband should be ashamed of himself if his views are the same as yours when it comes to your son not having pop. He should tell his mother, I love you mom and I appreciate all that you have done for us, but this is our son, you were given the opportunity to make your mistakes in raising me, now it is my turn to do the same. Hope this helps, you know where to find me if you need to talk more about this!

Answer 2

Your husband is choosing to be held hostage by the fact his parents have helped you financially and is putting his child at risk. What a crock! He has to get a backbone and hand his mother the dental bill, emphasizing the negatives of such a small child drinking soda; tooth decay, obesity and the risk of developing type 2 diabetes, training the kid to crave sugar, plus the acids in both sugary and diet soda will destroy the tooth enamel (see today's info on realage.com). Your MIL is an idiot and has no respect for you two as parents. Tooth decay in baby teeth is just as important a health problem as decay in permanent teeth.

Answer 3

I agree with GeeGee about bringing alternative drinks that are acceptable when he visits. Also, ask if your husband can speak with his mother as well (if he hasn't already). Beyond that, there's really not much that you can do if your MIL is dead-set on the idea that it's not a problem.

As for the tooth-brushing, I had this problem with my ex at one point. It helped a lot when I made sure my girls were excited about the idea of brushing their teeth (with my help). I explained, in terms that they understood, the bad things that could happen to their teeth from not brushing. Then, when they were at their dad's, I asked them if they'd brushed their teeth when I called them each evening. If they hadn't, I reminded them that they needed to. Since they saw it as an important thing, they would pester their dad endlessly until he helped them brush their teeth.

Answer 4

I know how you feel- my MIL was the same way with chewing gum when my son was young. I complained till I turned blue, and nothing worked. I know this is not really a true solution to her attitude, but it might help- could you bring some juice/milk/beverage of YOUR choice to her house with your son? Perhaps if you provide the alternative drink, she'll comply. Also too- advise her of the dental issues- she may just think you are trying to be Anti- Nanny, rather than dental smart. Good luck. And your hubby is a whimp, hahaha.

Answer 5

My m-i-l does the same thing when I tell her that my son is not allowed to have something. She does it anyways. My husband has told her no also, but continues to give in to him. I have greatly curtailed his visits with her, because I am his parent. She had the chance to raise her son, but instead let her mom raise my husband. I understand about the money situation, but we have to have limits on certain things. I would also suggest that you start having your son take a toothbrush and toothpaste to her house each visit, make sure you get them back when you pick him up. Teach him he needs to brush his teeth by himself and have at least a few good brushes during the week by you. Also too much milk and juice can cause problems with teeth also because of the sugars in them.

Answer 6

Talk to her make her listen to the both of you tell her you are very serious about the no pop put your foot down even though she helped you financialy you have to think of your childs health

Answer 7

doesnt matter if they helped financially they should want their descendant to have good teeth tell her Listen, my son cant have pop and dont have any when shes around so she cant say u have pop... and talk to your husband a lot and tell him to try to explain to his mother that his cavities are a problem.. and are you giving her papers to read or actually explaining dental health bcuz she cant throw it away easily if u tell it to her.. hope it helps good luck