I need to tell my girlfriend about my past.?

Question

I have meet my dream girl. she is amazing and I love her. She is a virgin, and embrassingly I slept with a prositutue so that I could lose my virginity before I met her. I did not enjoy it but because of peer pressure and because I was such a shy person and only kissed a girl for the first time when I was 24 I did it. I deeply regret it and feel disgusting. I need to tell her but I am afraid to. What shall I do? I am 28 now and she is 22. We are christians.

Answer 1

You need to just tell her, it's not healthy to keep secrets in a relationship. Tell her honestly, and don't hide anything from her, especially your feelings about it. You need to keep your relationship open and honest, or it doesn't have much hope. You're human, unfortunately, humans make mistakes, you should be honest with her, and hopefully she should understand. The past is the past, and she's all that matters now. I'm sure she can understand that and that you have a strong enough connection that she can be there for you.

You need to just talk to her about it, especially if you're not that far into the relationship. If you feel badly about it and feel that she should know, then just own up to it, you sounds like you really love her, I'm sure she loves you the same and will understand.

Answer 2

Timing is everything. Wait until the relationship has a solid foundation of trust and respect and/or until she asks if you are still a virgin. See how she feels about mistakes and forgiveness on other subjects and people and then you can gage how she will react to your secret. And most importantly, forgive yourself. It was one time a long time ago. It's over and done with and you can't erase it. Nor are you the first to have a prostitute as their first sexual experience. Most that have - have hated it too. It was a mistake. And as long as you have learned some thing from it (like never ever visit a prostitute and don't give in to peer pressure..etc) it's a good thing!

Answer 3

That is definitely something she should know. Have you been tested for STDs? That's a big concern with prostitutes, and you want to make sure you're not sharing that with her.

I would tell her the same way you posted it here. It was a mistake, you rushed into it but regret it. But you need to accept what you did and not be ashamed of it. If you can't accept the fact that you did that, it's going to be hard for her to accept it. You know why you did it; it's time to put it past you and realize it was a dumb thing and does not reflect on the kind of person you are.

Definitely tell her before you two are intimate, and do get tested for STDs. Mistakes happen, and if she loves you, she'll understand that. Good luck.

Answer 4

First of all, be honest and open but start with something like this....
Honey, there is something important I need to tell you about my past. I hope that this does not affect our relationship because I love you and I am a different person now than I was then.
After you get her prepped just tell her that you made the mistake of being pressured into having sex for the first time because you were a lot older than your friends were when they first did it. It was a mistake that you regret and did not enjoy. Do not be too explicit in the details though. She will wonder about them but she will also torture herself with them if she knows. Just give her some time to get used to what you tell her and everything will be fine.

Answer 5

depends on how far you are into the relationship and how strong it is.

I firmly believe that if people love each other enough, no shocking revelation of the history of one party will break them apart.

Also if the relationship is just starting its best to keep it from her for now as it may colour her precept ion of you and send your relationship spiralling down.

The last factor is whether she frowns upon premarital sex and/or prostitutes in general, the more negative her thinking the worse it is for you to tell.

Now I'm not encouraging you to keep it a secret. Its just that a revelation like this one can damage a relationship, I think it would be safer to evaluate for yourself what the consequences are and decide if one secret can destroy this promising relationship. If the answer is an overwhelming yes. Its better to stay a secret.

In a nutshell, i firmly believe that in the grand sense of things its better to fess up. But remember that phrase from the movie A Few Good Men

"You can't handle the truth"

Good luck

Answer 6

You are now 28 years old and no girl will believe that you
have no experience yet with other girls. Let's assume that
what you wrote was true that only once that you had had
sexual intercourse with a girl, but what is the problem. It is
just natural for a boy or man to have an experience like that and
not feel guilty and disgusted. What you have to do is to be
honest and open to your present girlfriend. Tell her all what
has to be told and I bet you you will be relieved of whatever
guilt you feel. And perhaps even your girl will open up to you.

Answer 7

You should definitely tell her. You can't tell someone that you love them if you are not open and honest about it. She will get mad, yes, but you have to know it is for the better. How long have you been together? if it has been a long time and you still have not told her, she is going to be more upset that you waited to tell her and did not tell her before now. Be honest, tell her what happened. If it is meant to be, then she will stay. It really isn't that big of a deal as long as you protected yourself throughout the whole thing.

Answer 8

That's a hard one. As long as the one you are with loves you it shouldn't matter but you never really no how one is going to react. Make sure that she understands that it was before you guys were together and let her know why it happened and how much you didn't like it. If she truly loves you she will overlook it and be understanding! You will feel better by telling her, it will be a weight off you shoulders.

Answer 9

Sometimes there are things that we all have done that should just stay in the past. Why bring them up all over again? I know that it is natural when you love and care about someone so much that you want to be open and share everything with them. But there are probably things in her past even though she is a virgin that she might not be sharing with you as well, there are some things that we just keep to ourselves.

Answer 10

You don't sound like you contract some horrible incurable disease which is good.

However I think that if this is bothering you because you feel you want to come clean with her then you should tell her. It will make you feel better. Tell her what you said here. What the circumstances were and how you feel now about it now.

God forgave you the minute you asked for forgiveness from the bottom of you heart. You should forgive yourself as well. If she truly loves you and her heart is with Jesus then she will also forgive you.

"forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us"

We all make mistakes but not everyone learns from them and if we can't forgive others then we will be treated the same when we ask God to forgive us.

Good Luck