How would you describe this dating situation?

Question

A man & woman both 29 meet "fall madly in love" & move in together after 3 months.

Both college educated. Man works doing grounds maintenance (same job since high school)

Woman is a finance manager for a large company

Almost as soon as they start living together the man stops being romantic & becomes distant. Woman suggests they take some time apart man insists it's nothing woman stays.

Over the next year it gets worse The man barely touches the woman. She again suggests a split up. He says he will change he loves her very much and doesn't know why he doesn't want to be with her physically(it is not a physical problem)
She wants it to work so she once again stays. Nothing changes.
Finally she ends it they cohabit for 3 months while looking for new aptshe keeps saying he's not sure it should end & she is sad but knows it isn't working
he says maybe a year ago he lost physical feelings doesn't know why
now he is involved with a 20yr who is home on college break.

Answer 1

The male is still immature and only wants what he can't have.

Prediction: if the female moves out, she becomes unavailable, the male will persue her once again.

Opinion: If the female falls for him again, she is as immature as he is.

Answer 2

How would I describe it? Hellish for both partners but particularly for the woman.

My hunch would be that the man longs for closeness and is so terrified of being rejected that he daren't let himself get close - so it was easier while they didn't live together and the longer they were together, the worse it got. Despite his need to keep her at arm's length, he longed beyond anything to really be with her, hence the endless promises. With the new woman, he is not yet close but the pattern will go the same way, I would guess, though might take longer because of the youth of the woman, so he can stay a bit distant, perhaps. If he wants to change, rather than constantly jump from one relationship to another and never getting the closeness he really craves, then psychotherapy is the answer.

For the woman (the 29 year old, I mean), I just hope she can find a relationship that doesn't repeat this pattern, but if it does, she might wonder about why she is drawn to men who turn out this way. Again, in that case, psychotherapy might be helpful.

Answer 3

The woman in this scenario should've gone withher gut int he first place.. the need for distance

The fact that only 3 months went by before mving in together on the basis of "madly in love"... well that was just a mistake in the begining and part of the ongoing mistake now -- was this his idea (if it was possible user) or her idea?

The mis-match in jobs, education, or income means nothing.. unless he is using all of these excuses to use her for his means of living. Is he contributing to the finances, even if not as much?

With the change in sexual behavior almost immediatly afer moving in together (if that is actually acurate and not just a perception) then I go back to what I was saying.. her first response of distance was the right response & should've been followed thru

Distance doesn't necessarily mean the end of the relationship.. she also needs to evalute WHY she wants this to work out.... given that there are MAJOR WARNING SIGNS

The man could also simply be hooked on the initial rush of feeling or the thrill of the chase (to get even to the point of exclusivity)

I am 100% certain there are more underlying factors

How woudl I describe it... a DISASTER FROM THE POINT OF MOVING IN TOGETHER.... That decision was Rushed & came to fast for either party to have determined stability

Suggestion: Let it go... move on.... for both parties.... and in the future... when you decide to live together with someone... try taking more time before making that decision & also try making it "ify"... as in... I would like to try this... however, either party withholds the option to bail-out until both parties agree it is working out alright.... and that requires TREMENDOUSLY HONEST COMMUNICTION IN COPIOUS AMOUNTS!!!

Answer 4

I think that he really used this woman--him being a groundskeeper; her a finance manager. Did he put any money, at all into the household? Is there a possibility that this 20 year old has been in his life all along? Did this guy just need a meal-ticket?

I really feel sorry for the woman in the picture. She tried, and hoped for change--and got burned. I hope that she will find someone who will treat her well, and that she has a network of family and friends to turn to.

The guy is a piece of dirt, and deserves no sympathy from anyone.

Answer 5

i would discribe it as childish drama!

the man most likely was cheating on her and lost intrest after the chase.

i think that situation should of went differently too!
woman should of laied out expectations for her man to follow and not giving in!
man should figure out what he wants! and stop playing girl/boy/childish games~

Answer 6

loves not supposed to be that hard and complicated. also, just because you love someone doesnt mean youre right for each other. find someone that wants to be w/you and shows you how much he cares for you and loves you on a daily basis, not just when you threaten to leave.

Answer 7

For some reason he lost his self esteem and he may need to be in control or seen to be dominant

Answer 8

I describe it as messy and complicated.